Yes. They are practically forcing us to get married. Now, forcing us to have children. =__=

and if you don't comply? what would they do?
Getting married and starting a family is not same as going to market and grab some vegetables.. They know that right?

Only comply on marriage as we are of age. As for children. Me and my husband will not comply to their demand.. Ingat easy meh!!! And we are not financially stable yet to have a child...

Pretty sad when my MIL told my husband not to make a wrong move on having children. She asked us to have a baby while hubby's grandmother is around... Asked us to fulfil his grandmother's wish...

All we can do is tell them we are not ready. fullstop.. can't make us have baby anyway... coz I will be the one delivering the baby not them

This post has been edited by ngsyin: Mar 20 2013, 02:09 PM

cos they think you as a baby production machine? No offense.
They ask you to fulfill on what they cannot do themselves.
From delivering to bringing up a children to adult, expenses and cost might be even more expensive than buying a property..

Haha.. They memang treat me like a reproduction machine... Best is to have a grandson tim...
From old folks' point of view, they only wanna see their next generation (which is normal)...
And they always apply their "last time we aso can raise u up this big even we are poor maaa" theory whenever we told them about our financial difficulty...

As long me and my husband stand firm can jor.. Coz they can't do anything except lecture us to have a baby...

Though it's annoying but it's inevitable... Haha...

good thinking ... you can have ur way .. the elders can have thier way too ... doesn't mean they are outdated means they are wrong they just cant understand what we are facing now

get her a pet puppy.

last time they can have 10 sons and 10 daughter, live inside self built wooden house, everyday eat sweet potato, porridge and sometimes chicken if lucky.. now you ask them if they can live in the same condition now..
stand firm is not enough.. you need to see if your are financially ready for that or not. Not one likes to get into debts for having kids and please their in laws..
i think what you can do is let them know what are the cost incurred. If can, let them see the figures.
do you stayed with your in laws? if no, then you are lucky. if yes, then you are suffering.

Agreed. We did show them the figures.. She won't listen.. She thinks it's an excuse... MIL not staying with us at the moment... But we will frequently visit her and the grandma...

Dreading all the "When are you going to be pregnant?" questions...
Sometimes the aunts will call to ask are you pregnant yet??? Why don't you wan children now?? OMG!! So obsessed with my womb!!

Maybe you can let them know that you will have plans for children but not know. Its a news to them that you would have children but just with a 'until further notice' tag in between.

All of a sudden i begin to think elderly people is bit childish at times.

What? Resorting to personal attacks already? LOL. Keep 'em coming, because I know when people resort to personal attacks, it only means they have nothing else to come back with.

1) Which is why I'm saying it is NOT normal.

2) YOU are trying to rationalize it, hence giving the mother a sense of helplessness to explain that she is not in control of her situation. I.e. you are making excuses for her. Watch me use the same logic without making it look like an excuse "Perhaps his mother is mentally insane and has separation anxiety". Naturally, I won't say that because I don't know if she's mentally insane or not. But note how readily you'd say she has no friends or hobbies.

Who started with the personal attacks in the first place? Anyway, we are digressing...

1) Yes it is not normal. And thus the whole point of me trying to give a possible reason behind the "abnormalcy". Or are we supposed to just fall in line with your summary judgment that "She's NOT normal" and move along?

2) If you were to read all the posts, you would notice that there are others who are trying to rationalize the mother's behavior, instead of a blind broadside attack (below). Sometimes a little understanding into why a person acts out a certain way, may just help in resolving the problem.

Is what I did, by suggesting that she may not have anyone else but her son in her life, any different from your first reply:


Seriously, the lack of sympathy or even empathy from you is... surprising.

1) You admitted that it is not normal behavior. Your method of addressing abnormality are based on pure conjectures which does not apply in many situations. Clearly it is bad conjecture, yet you choose to plow on despite being pointed out as such.

2) Using ordinary circumstances to explain abnormal behavior is just poor reasoning. On top of that, presuming reasons (i.e. creating excuses) that are inapplicable on so many levels is what lends to bad understanding into why a person acts out a certain way, and will lead NOWHERE near solving the problem.

Can you tell me where is the conjecture in my comment? Empathy is not necessary in this picture as the mother is not the one I am communicating directly with. You are WAAAYYYY off in your attempts to undermine my credibility.

1) Of course it is a conjecture. I proposed an idea that is unproven, simply because that was how the initial premise was portrayed by TS. In any case, a lack of personal activities/interests on the part of the parent has always been one of the reasons behind the Empty Nest Syndrome. But to satisfy you, let's say that I (and a whole slew of psychology experts are) wrong, you are right; my comment a conjecture and yours a fact.

2) Yes and your insta-diagnosis of a abnormal mother with dependency personality, is nothing new, just move along, is a much better advice and definitely way more helpful for TS?

So it is a bad conjecture on my part that the mother has no friends/hobbies of her own to pass her time, but it is not one on your part with your comment on:


Ok man, you win.

1) Usurping authority from "psychology experts" to give credibility on a non clinical condition. FAIL!

2) Dependent personality is not a diagnosis. Dependent personality disorder is a diagnosis. Double fail!

3) Misquoting. Triple fail!

This post has been edited by s2peMocls: Mar 25 2013, 11:50 AM

1) Never said it was a clinical condition. I brought up "psychology experts" because the Wiki references used were from articles by psychology practitioners.

2) Because you did not mean it as a "Dependent personality disorder", right?

3) How was it a misquote when those were your own exact words?


So now, instead of attacking and nit-picking, why don't you clarify what was it you actually meant in your original reply?

I dislike repeating, so I'm just going to quote myself.

Cool, so we each have our own conjectures. I propose that it is a case of 'empty nest' while you propose it is a case of 'dependent personality'.

Case closed.

Actually, the dependency hypothesis is far more valid than your empty nest conjecture, and is just as accepted, if not more, by psychologists. It creates dependency, it's not a conjecture, it's observable and predictable behavior. (Try searching "mother treats son" on google and watch it auto-predicts with "like a husband")

In this instance, is NOT empty nest as the mother is highly attached to the eldest son, even though the younger son lives with her.

So it's not even a case of my conjecture vs yours. It's simply you being wrong vs me being right.

Ok then. You are right and I am wrong.

I hope then you will be able to impart some helpful advice on how best to deal with it.