I think the problem lies with your boyfriend's mother, in that her world revolves solely around her eldest son.

I am guessing, she does not have any hobbies, a close group of friends, etc. This would not be surprising if she had sacrificed all of the above for him when he was young.

This is going to be really sticky to handle but the best would be to get her out of the house into her own activities and get her to make her own circle of friends. There are a lot of senior citizen gatherings out there, like ballroom dancing, cooking classes, etc.

1) Most likely. What else is there to do to pass the time?

2) Don't believe that I did?

Dude, your bitter pessimism in life really shows in all your posts. Maybe you still need that counselor you were looking for back then in Subang Jaya. Or is coming on LYN to denigrate and criticize every other person's post your form of therapy?

1) But isn't that the whole point of the thread? TS voicing concerns that her partner's mother is violating their personal boundaries?

2) None of us know the mum and we are trying to rationalize why she is acting that way. Note the use of Probably: Adverb "insofar as seems reasonably true"; synonyms include "presumably - likely - belike - perhaps - maybe - possibly"

Who started with the personal attacks in the first place? Anyway, we are digressing...

1) Yes it is not normal. And thus the whole point of me trying to give a possible reason behind the "abnormalcy". Or are we supposed to just fall in line with your summary judgment that "She's NOT normal" and move along?

2) If you were to read all the posts, you would notice that there are others who are trying to rationalize the mother's behavior, instead of a blind broadside attack (below). Sometimes a little understanding into why a person acts out a certain way, may just help in resolving the problem.

Is what I did, by suggesting that she may not have anyone else but her son in her life, any different from your first reply:


Seriously, the lack of sympathy or even empathy from you is... surprising.

1) Of course it is a conjecture. I proposed an idea that is unproven, simply because that was how the initial premise was portrayed by TS. In any case, a lack of personal activities/interests on the part of the parent has always been one of the reasons behind the Empty Nest Syndrome. But to satisfy you, let's say that I (and a whole slew of psychology experts are) wrong, you are right; my comment a conjecture and yours a fact.

2) Yes and your insta-diagnosis of a abnormal mother with dependency personality, is nothing new, just move along, is a much better advice and definitely way more helpful for TS?

So it is a bad conjecture on my part that the mother has no friends/hobbies of her own to pass her time, but it is not one on your part with your comment on:


Ok man, you win.

1) Never said it was a clinical condition. I brought up "psychology experts" because the Wiki references used were from articles by psychology practitioners.

2) Because you did not mean it as a "Dependent personality disorder", right?

3) How was it a misquote when those were your own exact words?


So now, instead of attacking and nit-picking, why don't you clarify what was it you actually meant in your original reply?

Cool, so we each have our own conjectures. I propose that it is a case of 'empty nest' while you propose it is a case of 'dependent personality'.

Case closed.

Ok then. You are right and I am wrong.

I hope then you will be able to impart some helpful advice on how best to deal with it.

And just to be sure, so that I read up on the correct hypothesis put forth by you, is this it - Dependency Personality Disorder

I tried searching for "dependency personality" but every time Google kicks back the the same links that go to "Dependent personality disorder". I am not sure whether you meant they are the same or are they two different things.

Thanks.

My mistake, it was hidden by the 'Spoilers' tag.

What would be the types of corrective actions that the TS can take to make the mother (and son) understand?

So in her case, would you say that the mother has progressed from "behaviour" to "disorder"?

I was asking whether your opinion on whether you thought it had, simply because you seem to know where to draw the line between "behaviour" and "disorder".

Geez man, stop being so defensive.

From the line I draw, it is very clear that someone here has a disorder.