Im going to married soon,
but the price asked from my future mother in law is 10k,

im planning on doing 5k...

any one share with me your experience or any market rate to this?

ini topic best.

well... my experience is that dowry is something the bride-to-be pays to the groom-to-be's family.

You mean bride price ka? If you're a cainis, any repetition/combination/permutation of 8's and 9's and 3's is good.

is that the best you can do without holding anything back?

8-10k is the norm in kl according to what I have heard, but it is certainly open to discussion.

I won't pay a cent.

Seconded

Anything above 3k(the price of an average divorce lawyer) is overprice.

my in-laws didn't take any dowry from me. instead, they gave us RM10K to startup as they think that they're not "selling" their daughter.

their only request was to still allow their daughter to come home to visit them, have a balance family life for both sides of the family (be in-laws and not out-laws) and put God as the center of the new family.

This post has been edited by WWJD: Jan 17 2013, 10:03 AM

Not really,
but i have a family to start up with... i dont want start up with empty pocket...

5k, bcoz i already given more than 50k over 5 years.

I have to pay for wedding.

I have to pay for honey moon.

I have to pay for all the god damn stupid dinners.

I still need to give my bride's family 10k ?

What the f*** for ?

~_~

Free sex is oftentimes more expensive than paid sex

well you try and discuss with your would be waifu to see if can negotiate down a bit or not.
for your case try nego 8,888 or 7,888 or 6,888 maybe?

i got married recently.
12 january 2013.
traditional cainis morning ceremony and dinner.

the "dowry" or "bride monies" that i gave was rm6,888
many years ago when my waifu 's 3rd elder sis got married, the sum paid was like rm6,800 also.

i not much complaints there since the inflation not much.
thank goodness no ask for rm10k +++

me waifu got explain to her mum that i not earning much also.

This post has been edited by Deimos Tel`Arin: Jan 17 2013, 12:11 PM

how about your bride? she is sitting back and relax while you sweat it out to pay for everything?

she told me she need to give her mom also, which means the another 5k she give her mom from her own pocket,

but if she did that, which means all of her saving gave her mom and empty herself... other those wedding dinner , make up , bro and sister money including the red packet everything by me...

really hate this tradition man...

Cainis wedding really waste of money. In the end who benefit? The restaurants, the wedding photographer, the MC you hire, the wedding planner and the wedding dress designer. Its totally a mafia extortion scheme.

If I get married, I just want to drive my future waifu to putrajaya, with family, relatives and friends for the signing ceremony.

No tea ceremony and hell no stupid dinner banquet.

bro,
i have a same thinking with u , but when u really facing this, its totally a different case, you cant control due to
2 family come together...

the wonders of being the son.. you got the name but in return you gotta burn some holes in your wallet.

The rates now for a regular demanding chinese family is 20k..

Easier said than done, dude..

For those that want to get married.

Remember to transfer all your money and property and business to your family before marriage.

So when the sucker punch came from cupcake when divorce call coming, she'll be in for a real surprise.

Before I get married, i'll tell the in-laws that I plan to migrate overseas...need the money for migration.

They will understand.

My cousin did this before he migrated to UK.

Thats what my friend's dad did before he got married. He transferred the family home title 50/50 between him and the sister.

25 years later, the marriage gave birth to 2 sons (my friend and his brother), the father suddenly suffer from old age dementia. Now the mother needs money to pay for the 2 son wedding, wants to sell the house. But the sister in law is refusing to sell the house.

I am planning to make some lame excuse like I gotta migrate overseas with my wife, so I need the capital badly, the in-laws would understand.

Another trick is to marry a rich wife..the in-laws would sure finance a lavish wedding.

My dowry is RM 9999

His mistake is to transfer it to another female, LOLOLOLOL.

Apart from that, WTF kind of wedding that needs to cost of selling 1 house?

im getting married end of this year too! My mom didn't ask for a cent but fiance is also having a dilemma as tradition to give dowry is a must. >.< I had some friends dowry from 20k-100k (what I heard). True or not, i dun know le.

its really making this wedding looked that her mom is selling her off at 5k..
if you really hate this kind of set up, why not make effort to discuss this over and over until you get a comfortable compromise where you will no end up being in debts due to this wedding?

want wedding then don't stingy ady, be a real man please, its a must of giving the dowries above 10k.

I dunno about you people but during my sister wedding, my mum buy gold bracelet, necklace and ring for my sister and sister in law from the dowry given. My mum even bake cakes to be given to everyone that attend the wedding and etc etc. KL people take dowry masuk pocket end of story kah?

His dad got no other sibling but his sister.

No lar..because his dad don't trust his newlywed wife, he scared that she would leave him so he decided to transfer half his house to his sister's name.

Aunty .. you jual anak ke ? 10K ?

that's come out in my mind straight...

so, prepare 30k for wedding...


8,888 for dowries
999 for open room door
100 for open car door
10,000 (min) for dinner
5,000 for photo
3,00 ~ 4,000 for ring

easy wedding dinner give them 10 tables ...

dafuq 100k

Real men charts their own course.
Pusseh mommy's boys would follow tradition because mama said so.

Mine 2k saja, my mom understands the amount that went through all the dinner and preparations and also the amount we need for future things so she didn't mind any amount.

TS, is your wife/gf problem for not helping you to negotiate with her mum.
Usually a mother will be understanding if the daughter have a real talk with her regarding your financial ability. ... problem is.. your gf did talk or not? She even thinking to help you pay out instead of negotiating.. that is "stupid".

Last time, I told my mum that my hubby only manage to save $5K and we will give all to her as dowry. For the wedding expenses, he will have to borrow from his father. Indirectly telling my mum that my hubby got no more extra $ to give. My mum understood and due to that, she even help me prepare all the angpao for open door, children, etc. And my parents pay for the girl side wedding dinner themselves.
And the cost of the jewelry my mum given me and my hubby (a ring for the son-in-law) total already cost RM4K++.
But the one of the condition my mum mention is.. the RM5K must be totally his $. I should not sponsor any. If calculate.. my mum given it back to us in other form.

TS, discuss with your gf and do a proper talk to your future MIL. I believe normal mother is not $ sucker. But of coz, if she really is $ sucker.. then forget it.

Fyi, my wedding was 7yrs ago.. RM5K.
My younger sister wedding 5yrs ago.. RM8K.

Unless the girl parents never request in the first place. They requested RM10K actually is quite normal price.
Thats your choice, chosen chinese girl. Is the custom to pay.. unless they dun 1.

lucky i married a filipina, 0 dowry required

well, if 2 families can agree to simple wedding, then okay.

if one family insist simple, another family insist traditional, then will haz problems.

My mum will scream my future husband's head off if he ask how much dowry she needs.
She hated the fact that I'm going to marry soon.

Asking about dowry price makes her feel like she is selling me off.

At 1st my dad ask how much my future MIL want, then MIL said " we make decision " (so call cincai )
so my dad said 5k, and my GF said add 1k more to let her mom buy stuff
and my dad agree...

the day after, my gf told me her mom want 10k... and i shocked ! 1st day said cincai, now want 10k, i called MIL asked
can deduct abit? she told me some one (neighbor or ppl she know) married get 10k... and i said,
ppl son might be CEO , im only an Executive level... cannot compare... and she giggle and said im so young... ( FYI im 25, her daughter 27 )
and i said young doesnt meant cannot do anything..

she said every thing price rise...
end up she said we talk about it after she discuss with her husband... so we end the call...

and my gf told me recently due to her brother need money for the school tuition fees,
and im more angry, where can mix 2 things together... trying to take this chance to cut throat?

end up my gf said " nvm then , u paid 5k, i will pay the rest...( from her own saving ) "

suddenly i feel like i dont understand my gf anymore... is she the one that i knew from the day start?
we been together for 3years, being honest with her in everything....

fyi, i have 30k saving
she have 14k saving

any suggestion how?
i dont want end up we married in future i ban her family from my list...

Try to negotiate for installment plan with 0% Interest, and brainwash them more on the benefit/happyness of having a grandchildren as compared to monetary compensation.

Is her mother calling the shots in the family? Remember that could be your fiance in the future.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

because of this happen,
i feel like the girl i know for 3 years suddenly change... really scary...

if can nego the dowries then those saving can use on wedding dinner and etc mah ..

i dont want because of few year savings, finished in 1 day... and after the wedding the rest of the day is on debts...

well give it a good thought.
i started my merrid life with debts since i no savings.

Trust me, they always change. Learn how to identify the red flags and decide.

you guys only marriage , wait till you reach renovation , house etc....

There was this topic in girls club a long time ago, saying whether it's better to be a guy or girl. The girls said being a guy is better because they don't have to deal with period and pregnancy. LOL. They obviously never thought further of the financial responsibility they need to hold if they were a guy. And they don't realise this financial responsibilty can have inflation. The amount of work now to own a house, pay for the car, pay for the gf lifestyle, marriage etc is going to be way higher than it was 20 years ago.


As for TS, this is a good time to know your in laws character. It's going to be harder to buy a house and all now compared to last time so if your in laws are so calculative, you have to ask yourself if your wife is going to be the same next time. If your in laws are like that but your wife is not, that is still ok, but if both your in laws and wife is like that, well the blame is on you for choosing such a wife.




This post has been edited by Drian: Jan 18 2013, 09:46 AM

Play Deal or No Deal with your future mother in law.

dowry is like selling their daughter

"The custom to pay"
But I don't see women following the old "3 obedience and 4 virtues" thing eh?

lessons, when opposite party say "cincai" quickly made up a figure and start wrote the cheque

Yes, tat is the thing that pulling everyone's leg.. but you guys can still decide not to marry them. Decision is still in your hand.
Is good if the gf standby you to fight off or nego the dowry part.. if she is those kind who sided her parents more than future husband, so either leave her or take it. Is still the man's call.

people take 20+ years to raise their daughter, for sure have to have geh. of course the price must be reasonable la.

My point is, it's all about the face.
If it's all about the custom, why even the need to set a high price?

Raising a son is free?

TS, from what you explained of the sudden change of your 5K offer becoming 10K request. Is kinda irritating.
I agreed with the rest here, your gf parents is putting their family cost on you, that is certainly wrong.
You should discuss with your gf to make the situation right with her family.

Your gf can still contribute 5K, but not as part of the dowry. Dowry is the wedding related expenses that you give her parents.. so it will stil be 5K. As for the brother's tuition fee that they may intend to earn from there.. your gf can sponsor her 5K to the brothers. Tell her to discuss with her mum.. using her daughter mother talk.

If this is still not agreeable, I suggest you to postpone the wedding plan to another 1 year. Telling them you need to save another 5K. Although you have 30K now but that is for buying stuff to building the new family (furnitures, wedding pics, etc.).

Besides that, 25yrs old is still young for a guy to get married. Although your gf already 27yrs old, but that does not seem old yet. Both of you can wait another 3yrs at least. Why tied yourself up so fast?
3yrs down the road, probably lesser burden from her family and they may get less demanding.

this is why, when the son got grandchildren that time follow the son's surname lo

Maybe I'll consider selling my first son's surname for 5k

Ya.. also part of it is face value. Some aunties intend to compare children dowries. But that is not from girl side only.
Sometimes my MIL cunningly said "My fren pay the son's gf parents RM10K. Of coz that girl is a master holder."
Talk as if, I am cheap coz I am not a master.
Also there are time when MIL say ppl doesn't want any dowry coz they are rich family gal. At the same time, given me another feeling that I am not rich.. that's y my mother want dowry? But my mum given it all back to me in jewelry form.
Those are things that our generation can't brain. But please keep in mind.. no matter pay or not pay.. those aunties still talking.. which highly affected the bride's feeling. Pay or not pay .. both gone wrong.

If not agreeable to take up all this problem.. better stay single or marry someone who is not the typical malaysian chinese.

Or mayb consider yourself marry into her family. Then you can ask for dowry in return.

That's why I said it's all about the face lor.
See... when the girls parents feel proud that they are fetching a good price for their daughter so will the boy's parents feel proud that they are paying a high price for a someone's daughter.

You're right, if we can't accept it then we can just decide not to marry the girl. But I'm just saying that it is ridiculous to fuss over something like this.

well, my dad taught me what to say to my MIL " i only have 5k at the moment, if you insist want 10k, i only can borrow from loan shark ( ah long ) , at the end your daughter suffer also... "

lol....

Then you have to prepare to be the main topic for a least 5 years and this alone will give you bad luck in whatever you do.

very bad advice from your dad

TS, although your gf's mum certainly make ppl angry behaving like that. But don't fight over this matter, at the end will just make the relationship turn sour.
Talk to your gf and tell her to settle her mum. Is her role to do so, to take care of the welfare for both sides. If this problem did not solve properly, it will be bad for both of you. Money is just the part that struggle for the next few years.
But the image that both of you placed in both parents heart, will give you guys a hard time in future.
Her mum will forever remember that her son-in-law kedekut dun 1 2 pay more.
Your dad will forever remember that her daughter-in-law family press water fish and the daughter-in-law never help to ease your problem.
This is bad.

well, i think just told her, i dont really afford to pay 10k... maximum i can do its 5k... hope that my MIL understand..

wah so expensive. i got married last year, chinese ceremony going to be this year. my mom asked for RM99 only , same amount she got when she got married and same amount my sis in law got from my parents when she married my brother.

before that, did you get any idea whether you have to pay for the girl side wedding dinner? their tables.
Coz most of the time.. dowry and tables both have almost similar weightage.

Some parents want tables only, no need dowries. (therefore usually they will take the angpao for their tables.. and groom pay the bill)
Some parents want both tables, and dowries (angpao collected from the dinner.. depends.. if they wanted it also.. then too bad.. coz they earn double fr u)
Some parents want dowry only, they will pay the table using the angpao they collected.

Whatever dowry or angpao get from the table that groom paid, sincere parents should return it back to the newly wed couple in other form such as jewelry, furniture, honeymoon gifts, etc.

Anyway, be careful.. if your MIL say ok for 5K but requested you to give her 15tables.. then you'll be dead.

Do you have a younger sister?

ooo tables. thank goodness my mum in law only asked for 5 tables.

hehehehe, sorry, i'm the only girl!
my wedding going to be very very simple.
only about 10 tables, total wedding cost split 50:50.
equality mah!

i understand ur dilema bro....
ur gf mom is trying to test u if u are capable to cough out that money or not...she dun care about the money actually...
but yea...someone needs to explain to her nicely that u hv plans for future with ur wife...and u must convince her u are financially okay to support both u n ur wife (n kids)


other bros in the forum dun suffer lk u do coz their parents are cool with it, or they are convinced their son in law are financially steady....

worse case scenario, u may hv to ask ur gf to 'borrow' u money so u can pay ur in laws 10k....but u will hv to keep it a secret from ur in laws...or they will never respect u till the end of time.

Some people just want face. They think the higher they received, like their daughter is highly rated. I know some who give 20-30K actually give half or so back to the groom. Chinese is like this one... After receive, must return favor. Depending on how traditional your MIL are, some does go through hell and back when prep for marriage.

never mind geh, come out instalment plan lo

That really depends. My gf said to me if I don't have 50k don't even think bout wedding. Coz its expected from her family side that I give them at least 10k. When I heard it I sweat. Cold sweat. Even tho its a big amount, but it's tradition. But think of it, u give them 10k,her parents sponsor the wedding dinner. So win win.

lol... problem is i give 10k the wedding dinner still i need to pay =.=

RM 500 for one indian killer ...RM 500 x 2 for 2 cases...problem solved.

wHAT is Your Race?

IF u married with that girl just because u want to get married, your partner will ask many things in the relationship..so face it, everything is depend on ur future wife, whether she accept or not, if she on your side, she also will confront together with u...

this i agree...

TS, if your gf's family really expecting so much from you ... suspecting that they want the RM10K to settle the brother's school fee.
I certainly suggest you to postpone the wedding plan.
Discuss with your parents and if they ok to postpone... just go ahead to postpone it. Ask your parents coz they deserve the respect.

You are just 25yrs old and so young. You don't have to get married at this young age, forcing yourself to purge out so much $... unless you have to marry her due to some reason.
Wait for another 3-5 years, when you have more income... you probably don't feel the pain of paying more dowry.

Always remember, you only have RM30K (am I right?), and you have to keep some savings to build a young family without anyone support. You certainly cannot afford to pay RM10K dowry and expecting to settle the dinner tables. So.. just answer your gf's parent "Yeah, I am young at 25yrs old and can't afford to spend so much on wedding. Guess we have to postpone so that I can save more money."

It will sound cruel to your gf, but this is for both you and her future. You guys should not finish up the savings on the wedding and become a broke couple.

Another alternatives is telling them you pay them RM10K (cover all). They will have to settle their own tables. No roast pig, wine, or any other barang hantaran. Tell them they won't rugi from the table.. as they will collect angpao from their guests. By doing this, reduce your headache... give them the max RM10K cash.. settle all. They shouldn't be asking anything else from you.

if the sex sucks....get a refund

Im 26 married last year dec . I have a worst nightmare for downry and all the ang pao about 140 pack to give i can sleep for 3weels until the wedding is over now im in a big hole T_T

I've already spent RM50k on her rings alone. I hope they don't expect much more.

50k can cheong for at least 250 times yo. If you cheong twice a week, it will last you over 2 years. Money well spent woi.

Yeah. Well spent. I hope. lol cheong? Scared of aids la.

My wedding on 2011 n my mum asked for 5k n she used it all to buy gold for me....

5k is not a lot and your husband must be very happy

ya, initially my mum said no need.....den after some time, she changed her mind, request rm5k........

+1
Definitely... later when the gold grow in price.. surely be even more happy.

dowry by my definition is to cover the girl's side of the wedding, dress/jewellery etc etc. If you are forking that 10k, better make sure she asks nothing in return, but susahlah rite. talk easy

else like what above quote. compromise loh.

u give 5k, her family angpau she take, table either u give or she pay table.
u give 10k, all the angpau u take. tables u give .

atleast some forumers here the parents still wise, take dowry and then return to the kids. I'm so going to be dead, gf Masters.

Last time, my eldest bro take 100k Lo..
10k, can just simply take a personal loan settle la.
What so head wire..

Most importantly is the gf.
As long as gf is on your side and wisely understand that making fiance spend more during wedding = marry to a broke husband.
Then the guys' pocket will save alot. And at the same time, meaning got a smart wife who will not simply drain your money.

I attended a fren's wedding last weekend. Both side parents are from other states, but they hold the wedding in KL coz both working in KL.
We the lady frens simply bzbody and asked him during his preparation for wedding few days earlier. He is quite blur and doesn't really follow much of the tradition. As he said both parents never say anything, leaving both himself and the wife to do everything.
So there is no dowry given. He said they (wife and him) share 50:50 in a wedding pool fund. So he let his wife decide and just pay watever from this fund.
When we attended the wedding dinner, found that 30tables.. consist at least 10tables is his colleagues/friends. Wife side only mayb 5 tables. And the rest are still all his relatives.
From there I see... his wife probably spend lesser amount from the wedding pool fund compare him.. so he untung.
Parents side.. contribute probably just the wedding gift to the young couple.

This post has been edited by cc980024: Jan 25 2013, 09:56 AM

6-10k is reasonable.

just think your parents in law also need:

- banquet
- prepare gift for you both
- decorations
- etc allowances like petrol,phone

if your in laws retired or poor. where got money to do all those?
Be considerate. Unless they really use it for their own benefit.
Then feel free to wrath!