most single people at this age are extremely tied to work. working on weekends or public holidays are normal, or just busy with family stuff (take care old parents, entertain relatives, etc).

where to find potential bf/gf when you are more than 40 years old?



This post has been edited by Skylinestar: Apr 6 2025, 05:13 PM

In LowYat got la , you need to deep dive la

40 yo still look for BF or GF!?

Bro / Sis, are you crazy please!?

Please kindly enjoy your life!

Forget about relationship.

Please dont let me know you still plan to married, kid n so on!?

Life is short.....How old you plan to retired please!?

If you are rich, then different story......

I reverse a view for you, see what you see.

“this age are extremely tied to work” = no time
“working on weekends or public holidays are normal” = no time
“busy with family stuff (take care old parents, etc)” no time

Since you have no time, why do you want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend if you have no time for them?

Even if you manage to meet one , so what is next ? No time ?
Even if you force it through, jump to marriage , what is next? No time ?

Reverse the role & put yourself in the opposite position, do you want to be with someone without their time for you? If yes, then with or without them in a relationship, does it make any difference? It is just logic.

~

Change. Go find time & you will start to have time to look for one.

If more than 40 years old and still tied to work that means you've made bad decisions for the past 2 decades. Nevertheless, you can still date provided you make your schedule efficiently.

First ask yourself why are you looking for a partner?

Hi TS, some serious questions and comments.

Your decision to reenter the dating scenes largely depend on your net worth and whether you want to have kids.

I always believe that Happy People are never Poor so it depends on your lifestyle and attitude.

if your net worth is good stable and high income with low loans, you can cast a wider net and expand your targets for future partners.

if you net worth is not so good then you have to lower your expectations on criteria for future partners.

Second is whether you want kids and have the energy for kids after you pass 40. cos kids requires lots of energy and time and it's not easy to be a good parent.

also how many kids do you want. Just 1 will be lonely for your kid growing up but 2 is ideal but really requires lots of time energy and money.

this also depends on your future partner.

i wish you good luck and god speed in quest for a future partner and wish you success

You find them the same ways like when you were in your late 20s and 30s. Dating apps, social events, work, friends of friends.

In my late 40s I was dating women between 25
and 35 years old. My gf now is 17 years younger than me and we have been together 3 years.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Apr 8 2025, 09:11 PM

Above 40 i would say just forget about marriage and kids.
Find someone who you are comfortable with as a companion and do life stuff together. Anytime fall out if love just separate. If can find a young one then lucky you. Else find the leftover or used market. You might find someone who have matured into fine wine.

Hahaha walao damn depressing
And not true lah. You can still find a 40 year old guy who behaves like a 20 year old kid playing PS5 and watching anime.

This day in age
40 is the new 30

Can still have kids just get proper medical advise and health check to identify any risks. Actually should do that regardless if you’re 40 or 20 just to cover all bases. Healthcare has improved tremendously over the last 2 decades.

Depend on who is above 40. If its the woman, more true. If its the man, no such restriction.

Unless you are loaded, you may need to work up to full retirement age and thrn some to support your kids and their education

after 18 years old, educations are optional
It doesn't mean coming out as spm holder will determine the person life for the rest of it as low income earner

You need to be relatively loaded only if u want to catch a hot much younger wife. Coz these women have many options. Even then u dont need to be billionaire loaded. But if u can settle for average or lower then its easier.

As for children, the basic stuff is not that expensive in Malaysia. Its only a drain if u have a few kids or u want the "best: (private everything, study overseas). So one kid, is fine unless u are financially hopeless. One kid at 45, and by 65 the kid will be at uni. At 45 one should be earning decent income. Its much more painful money wise to raise a kid in your 20s when salary is so little

And dont forget, the wife could be earning an income too. Amd supportive in laws also a big factor.
.

Bro, you are the one!!!!

do you know how hard it is to get a gf if your education level is only spm?

the main question is where?

Best bet is social event, like travel groups, charity groups, religious fellowships or even through interest groups like dancing class

lol
If someone has high EQ go anywhere also can win friends
don't say just merely getting a gf
nowadays it's not just iq but the ability to maneuver under different circumstances will be what makes a real man quality

fearlessness, the ability to handle adversity
these things cannot be taught just at school

u very honest ppl totally clean. we not honest

Dating apps lo. Some girls want older guys. Matchmaking site.

If you are above 40s, why wanna get married? It comes with a lot of pitfalls.

Funny, I know couple of men and women who are nearing 40s and still no partner IRL. But when I offered to intro, they are all not interested. Then I find posts like this... <scratches head>

because some people want their own finding, not friend/relative recommendations

Once you are 60s and beyond, its more challenging being alone.

if pretty/handsome, sure ppl want

if not pretty/handsome, ppl also

This post has been edited by Blofeld: Apr 26 2025, 10:34 PM

The people I know are neither super pretty nor handsome but there are traces of good looks during their younger days, after all, what do you expect out of 40+?

now you are in your 50s.
gf is around 30s. u married?
how's life plan so far?

Life can hv suprising twists and turns.

Im a divorcee with 1 kid studying overseas.

Stay alone. Gf comes over once a while to sleepover. My cleaning lady comes by more often then her.

I would say life is quite peaceful now.

Shocking... but I guess that's how things turn out to be...
can happen to anybody...

where to find? maybe those internet sites.

But maybe you want to try dating agencies? websites?

I think is ok to find relationship at 40

i know people who got married at 40 or above.

Even got children, but these are rich guys or people who can work after 60yo due to own businesses or partnerships.

If you are just a salaried guy, better find marriage but not have children. Unless you have a big inheritance from your dad.

What is the shocking part?

life is so unpredictable.
I can't imagine being in that situation.
interesting, exciting & challenging also.

Most life challenges are manageable, recoverable.some even turns things better.

The really hard ones are death, critical illness and permanent disabilities.

maybe you want to try lunch actually or esynchrony

single and available here.. lol.. over 40. Time flies.. joined here in my early 20s

Lots of places u can start with playing sports using these: RE CLUB App , CLASS PASS App, etc. just go and join them to play pickle ball, tennis, etc.... lot of single girls r there.....

these apps only focus on city area. I live in sub urb. there's nothing within 20km radius from my house.

Short rental in city
Find your partner

Go back sub urb!

you mean weekend getaway?

time to move bro..... take some chances when ur single.... go City for a staycation.... if fish dont come to u , u go to fishes..... dont just sit there n wait.......

Got bf/gf is not as good as u think

Unless u found a good one. Else u re better off being single

At age of 40s, getting a bf or gf is companion.

I would rather pamper myself doing something that I love...

start build hobby and have passion in doing things.. if hv fate then together lo, no fate alone can be fun too 😀

go to church on Sundays


God shall find you DAWAYY

hi all, it's been many years since i've posted anything here.

i am at 44 now, recently separated about 2 years ago with a kid. i have the same problem as well. i thought about finding a companion to grow old with but it's really tough.

like someone said earlier, at this age, you are pretty much invested in work and with a child to look after, u'd really have no time for anything else.

let alone i'm the type of person who just stays home, dont go to any social gatherings, it's hard for me to meet new people. although, i did try places like tinder or CMB. lol the amount of scammers....

anyways, to cut my story short, my brain tells me i should just sit back and enjoy life, with the salary i'm drawing, i'm comfortable, putting my son through private school, able to go vacations from time to time and have a life adventure.... but my body still longs for a family, a home, if u know what i mean.

i've been married for over a decade, i guess it had reprogrammed me to be a husband/father instead of a go out and get it kind of person...

U have to be more strategic.

Think of yourself as a product, and think about the wants of the market that you want to sell the product to. Maybe this product need an upgrade/improve version of the old product?

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Aug 8 2025, 06:47 PM

Very strategic indeed. Good advise i have to say. I just found myself in situations that are often not as black and white as i would expect

You have to pay for better filter on CMB. Not much but slightly better. Last time no need to pay. Now need to pay as you can't see who likes you.

U got a pretty good there bro

i have also recently got divorced and back on market. And i'm my late 30s, no kids. People say men age grow like fine wine but i do not agree entirely.

I do not prefer 20s girl, so the choices would be limited to 30-35, and women in this category are mostly either married or taken, hence our choices became smaller and smaller.

What we looking for is a companion to grow old and spend daily time together, but it seems not so easy to find the "right one" nowadays.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 18 2025, 03:50 PM

Tom Cruise looks better in his 30s



compared to the time in his 20s

when younger i usual kua cabo at shopping mall.
try look there... maybe can find 1 suitable...

remember how it feels when finding something you've misplaced

finding gf/bf also same
same in the sense....as in give it a while
try putting this finding for it aside cos it'll never appear IMMEDIATELY

POOOOOF!
one day it's right there

all of the above is absolute BS

key takeaway
when you're looking very hard for something, with all that anxiety and tension pent up, you'll tend to unnecessarily work things up towards the goal with indirect stress that'll mess up the whole strategy of searching - so go slow, can take YEARS!

not to mention ladies have this special radar for DESPERATE MEN
they'll split the scene so fast before you can even say Jack Robinson

wish you well on your love journey

sidenote: there's this one middle aged lady that joined one of the companies i SOMETIMES work with
3 years n counting....
just her presence overshoots the needles on my gauges
REDLINE ALL THE TIME!

not to say there's anything going on, cos it can't
but the desire to work has totally changed

Not all wines becomes vintage. Some just become vinegar. To make vintage wine need careful process.

For men is the same. To be attractive need work.

Anyway welcome to the club 😆 late 30s mean still early vintage. U should start dating girls between 25-30 ideally.

And still not too bad now in his early 60s.

Girls range between 25-30 seems abit of a gap for me. I should not be stubborn and explore more options. Anyway, still enjoying my single life now and healing, so just let it be and flow for now.

One of the best healing is to be dating girls hotter than your ex-wife. More likely hotter when they are 10 years younger than ur ex.

And i say date, not marriage. You should be taking your own sweet time to tie the knot with anyone.

Yes, you may have the option to date hotter girls - but don't forget we as a men, we are also an option for them too. Is not easy to date hot girls nowadays. Said is easier than done.

you could always save that rm300 monthly that has been used to buy mixue or cigarettes to buy a new set of clothes or subscribe for an affordable gym membership

always try something new from time to time
of course you would be static and boring because you haven't tried new things little by little

also don't put an instant label that 20s will be immature or materialistic. There are girls in their younger years they won't care if you make less monthly income than them. They mostly care is about the "experience" you give them. How can you inspire them with your presence or attitude. There are something that cannot be bought directly with money and can only earn it based on years accumulation.

If yourself is 4/10 guy, aiming for 9/10 girl hot celebrity on IG is like aiming to shoot yourself painly on feet. Instead aim for 6/10 girl and start working on your value as well

You go into a market you don't expect to buy a good instantly.
you shop for an experience

Have you tried Tinder or Bumble? Very useful.

Just need to be hotter than your ex wife. Not necessary a 8 or 10.

Unless ur ex wife is a 8 or 10, which means you will aready experience dating these type of girls, so its a matter of.doing it again.

I think... bamboo door to bamboo door is important

wah this very deep, i dun understand hahaha

I think be with someone who have similar family background, culture is important. Some people you thought you know them well.. but instead. Not at all.

This post has been edited by NinG: Aug 25 2025, 08:46 PM

Ah ok. Makes sense now. Ya it’s also the value we were brought up with that would be important

Yesu. For me on par mindset, communication is very important. Finance will be 3rd.

My 3 most important elements

1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Commitment

It goes by sequence and one cannot survive without the other

All important yea same

someone told me i should try this dunno wat dinner with 5 strangers sort of thing. i'm like nvm no thank u.... i prefer to dine in peace instead of dining with anxiety, make a good impression or whatever the hell it's called

Hi guys,

Just want to chimp in. There are many ladies in their mid 30s who are also looking for companionship. It is not just guys. It is a lot harder for them because men are date younger women due to fertility.

Also, mind share why some of you guys divorced ?

I have a friend who probably downloaded CMB/Tinder/Bumble/etc and matched with a girl. They are already exclusive in a month. He is in his late 30s too and the girl is in her early 30. To me he date down. He just wanted to settle to have kids.

My question is finding partner using dating apps hard ? I have never used it before.

Go out more and go old times flirting

Cafes bookstores clubs

Or some colleagues/relatives can intro

most people scare themselves choose wrongly (the partner)
Including myself
you think he dated down but it's necessary for him to choose that way, most people they choose a partner that represents the model of their own parent, so he's likely to choose his partner based on how his mom treats him

If you consciously make that choice, that's fine
but most people do things alone out of necessity, they unconsciously live in a way that represents their own trauma being triggered over and over

the conscious may I say I'm independent or I don't need anyone
but the subconscious is way powerful that most people will ignore

the matter is, you choose to listen to which voice
because sometimes your awareness is not your true consciousness

Yes. Because he has a history of dating beautiful women.
Of course his values may have changed. He intends to settle down asap for kids.

long term relationship requires a degree of compromise
and compromise doesn't mean weak
which I didn't realize this in my younger years
and if he thinks it's ok to date an average looking female that can potentially raise good values out of his own children, that's ok

Dating a pretty and entitled female comes with an unseen cost

I have seen a few of your posts before. I hope you are doing well.
You have plenty of dating experience.

As for my friend. He doesn't mind as long the lady is fertile.
That's about it.

he's too desperate for kids. I don't. some women don't too. so it becomes harder.

In your opinion do you think this kind of relationship will last ?

this kind of relationship will last on its surface
a lot of relationship is just playing a facade
because if you tried to find two "complete" human being
it's like trying to find 2 out of 200,000 person

The person has to come from a solid family background with near zero trauma

Yes. My friend will make the relationship happen as he is quite a stable (from a relatively large and supportive fam)
I wish him best of luck.
Since he can do it with dating apps, I am sure many guys can do it too. Lower the bar if you want to settle for marriage and kids.

that's a very good point. i on the other hand often get caught in dilemmas because i'd like a companion, but i also prefer my inner peace instead of inheriting my new partner's problems or drama into my life. i have things to deal on my own but i will never make it as my partner's problem, but does my partner have the same mindset as me?

so ultimately, i end up choosing inner peace instead of an "adventerous" life hahaha

Both my friend and I are the lucky ones. But we took like 2y+ to find one on dating app.

2y is quite a long time but I am glad the relationship turned out well for both of you.
I knew a few successful stories too. But this friend of mine just within a month. Very lucky. He is also not a paid user.

i tried tinder earlier this year coz i felt i'm ready to maybe try a companion instead of a full on relationship with marriage as the end goal.

so far nothing real, a couple of scammers....i'm starting to think maybe it's my marriage's trauma is not fully over yet, i keep seeing red flags whenever i start talking to other women....

Tinder not for serious relationship.

why do you think so?

If you see reviews online it is mainly for hookups.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Sep 30 2025, 04:21 PM

I don't think MY has hookup culture (especially among Chinese).

cognitive bias
I've also seen CMB girls who are also looking for ONS

hookup culture has always been everywhere been since the rise of feminism where women can start taking control of their own sexual will. It's just degree of difference when it comes to culture and sexual suppression

but human beings will always act upon their desire whether it's having sex or public car crash

It's there but rare la.

Social media

Telegram etc.

very
if one fishes long enough
how long is long enough idk, but may eventually hook on someone