Every day starts with coffee for me, and with the morning paper for him; then, it ends with me on the left side of the bed, him on the right, and deafening silence in between.

what so funny @aLittleMisfit?!

tengok date of posting


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What's the world coming to? I'm now under investigation just for wolf-whistling at attractive girls who walk past the building site....

Fuck knows who's going to fix that schools roof now.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Apr 4 2019, 08:09 PM

you little piec-

I was going through a messy divorce and getting screwed by my wife's lawyer when I found an old lamp.

I rubbed it and a genie appeared.

"Thank you for freeing me," he said. "In return I grant you 3 wishes"

"Oh! this is great,"I said. "For my first one I wish I had an inexaustable supply of cash.
""Puff! A wallet full of $50 notes appeared.
"No matter how much you take out, it will always be full," said the genie.

"Oh, fantastic!," I said.
"O.k, I wish I had a 19 year old nymphomaniac for a mistress!"
Puff! A scantily clad nubile girl appeared and started purring over me.

"This is superb!" I cried.

"I can't believe it! I wish my bitch of a wife was here to see this... No!... wait!"

Be wary of your girlfriend wanting a dominatrix outfit,

they are usually white and flowing with a veil.

I've suffered from horrible debilitating migraines for most of my adult life, but amazingly I became completely cured of them a couple months ago.

The wife left me.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Apr 24 2019, 10:23 AM

I was just about to get on top of this prostitute when I said to her,
"You'll have to excuse me, I haven't done this for a long time."
"Oh," she said, widowed?"

"Just the opposite," I replied, "married. "

A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect.

A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH...

lol good one

I walked into 7-11 and asked for a packet of condoms.

"Certainly sir," said the pretty sales assistant.

"What size? We have small, medium, large, XL and XXL."

"Well, what's the price difference?" I asked.

"They are all the same price apart from the XXL which are 5 times the price of the others," she said.

"5 times the price? How the fuck can you justify that?" I asked.

"Well, most men ask for the XXL."

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

LOL

Which one will ran out first, the boxes of shampoo or its tears?

rub until no more tears, that's when u stop.

looking for more like this

phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.

A Narcotic Police officer called at my farm... “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The officer exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the fuck I want, have I made myself clear?!”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the officer running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.

I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your fucking badge!”

I hope that dude is white or he is so getting shot... along with his bull.

I wonder if Samuel L Jackson has sent his father a 'Happy Motherfuckers Day' card yesterday.

The wife bakes me a cake after every sex session we have.

A Birthday cake.