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Version 1 https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

Version 2 https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1618700

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Relationship is a Joke

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Feb 7 2018, 11:15 PM

I wonder how many calories women burn by jumping to conclusions.

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If you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self-importance.

There's actually male oranges and female oranges.


If it squirts in your eye without warning, it’s a male.
And if it’s bitter for no fucking reason, it’s s female.

My wife asked me how she compared with past girlfriends during reunion gathering.

So I told her she was the only one I had been with!

...The others were all eights and nines.

One day a blind man went to visit a brothel for the first time.

Because he couldn't see the ladies who were on offer he ended up with a lady ridden with acne.

When they got to their room upstairs they both undressed and got into bed. As he ran his hand over her spotty ass he recoiled in horror.

"It's okay" she said "It's just a bit of acne"

"Thank God for that" he replied "I thought it was the price list"

My wife said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said "Don't worry dear, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now I'm Christine".

"Your son just called me an old cow" said my neighbour.

"That's disgraceful" I said "I keep telling him not to judge people by their appearance".

After sex last night my girlfriend said “your easily the biggest I've ever had.”.

Apparently “ditto” wasn't the correct response!

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion’

Today is international women’s day.

It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready

Husband: Call ambulance, fast ! I am having heart attack...

Wife (Took his mobile): Quick! Tell me the password!

Husband: It's ok ! I am feeling better now.

*First woman on the Moon:*

Woman: Houston, we have a problem
Tech team: What?
Woman: Never mind

TT: What's the problem?
Woman: Nothing

TT: Please tell us?
Woman: You know the problem

I went to a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter asked,

"How was your meal, sir?"

"It was very nice. My compliments to the gardener."

Interviewer: "Describe yourself in three words."

Me: "Efficient."

April 1st, officially the worst day of the year to have a cardiac arrest.


I asked my mum if by any chance I was adopted, she replied "hilarious, why on earth would we have chosen you?"

I walked into a florist today and said
"I want a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend."

The cashier looked at me and said, "What are you after?"

I said, "Some sex."

I received a letter from Screwfix thanking me for my inquiry.

And informing me they are not a Dating agency.

Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures.

Girl goes to Starbucks : 47 pictures.

The Devil challenges God to a football match, Heaven V Hell.

God says, “We’ll win hands down. All the greatest players who ever lived are up here.”

The devil replies, “But I’ve got all the referees and linesmen.”