Seriously in what age now a days people think that marrying young is good. I am just 28 years old and my girlfriend is 31 years old and we been only together for two years. I went to her house just now and my girlfriend told me her parents are saying why does it seem like he isn't planning for the future? we both had a huge argument and I drove off without saying good bye and she slammed the door.

what the fuck? with this shit economy its been years since I took a long vacation to go for travel from my clinic, I hardly go out these days and everything I can save I try to save. sometimes I need to think twice buying pizza for myself as I need to save up for my future. i have a fucking house ready and yet to them it seems like I am not seriously growing up.

who here is getting the same shit? sorry for the rude words. I'm just so angry.

sama like my story lah ... this part **I went to her house just now and my girlfriend told me her parents are saying why does it seem like he isn't planning for the future?**

bro, you have to think on her side, a 31 yrs old girl parent normally will rush? no?

my girlfriend is 31 years old

thats ur problem.

You doctor man.. Some more own a clinic... Sure lots of money..
If you say no good business... Then tutup clinic lo.
I am sure you can afford to get marry.

at the expense of us rushing to a marriage that none of us are ready? what we gonna feed the guest? sand?

I do not expect my parents to fork out money for my wedding and I see my peers going drinking every day and changing girlfriends like changing baju.

gila. nak cucu? sorry la Wei. having kids now so expensive for Chinese families and I seen the shit that happens to kids esp with birth defects. not going to be the factor in over population

not about the money. it's about the personality. we just got to know each other (two years ain't enough bro) and you want me to jump straight into a marriage? habis when I want to expand cannot because I'm tied down.

women or rather, girls, are insecure by nature.

they do not know that we men have our own planning ahead nor will they try to see what their men are trying to do for their future.

to them, if you don't do what they want now, it means you have no planning.

well to be fair to her, her biological clock is already ticking hard so it is no wonder that she's insecure.

but marriage shouldn't be rushed.

i am not sure why women think of marriage as a safe haven for them because divorce can always happen.

she should put some faith in you. sadly, she doesn't and that goes to show you guys are not prepared for marriage yet

This post has been edited by Saladz: Dec 27 2016, 10:27 PM

and moreover i just found out throughout her ten years after coming out from high school she has ZERO savings and one of those I wanna work so I can travel type of girls. I had to chip in money to deal with her repair work and save her ass countless of times for not saving and spending every month.

pot calling kettle black kah. you expect me to buckle up when your finances are shit poor. sorry not looking for a broke ass wife as a liability until she fixes her shit.

then dump her.
End of story.
If you want to help... Help willingly and not complaining.
Don't tell me it take 2 years to realise when she push you for marriage.

why is everyone so adamant about marriage these days when we can't even afford to care for ourselves? what more to say a kid.

To her.. You a doctor and waterfish who can help her when she in need. I am sure she pay her dues to you in her own way.

If you still insist on keeping your house in order... Then don't get girlfriend lo..
Remember she is 31....and not young anymore. As she approach 40....it will be hard for biological clock.

You a doctor and I am sure you understand women.. Right??? No??

It seems like you have all the answers to your own question. You are still angry thus it's clear you aren't accepting any criticisms when your mind is clouded. You are not ready for marriage and also condemn her for not saving money. Critical of the costs of raising kids and maintaining a family, so much so you cry it's going to hold you back from expanding your clinic business. Complain 2 years is still not enough to get to know her better. Will 5 years be long enough for a doctor you? That means you keep her waiting till she's 36 to get married and have babies two years later at 38.

See the problem here? It's YOU. Not her, and certainly not her parents for doubting your preparedness. You are just a self-centered doctor who is in this relationship for yourself. Everything has to revolve around you.

we aren't intending to have kids. I seen all the special needs children to know how awful a child with special abilities can be to a marriage. she agrees with me since she doesn't have the patience to have kids too.

oh really?



so this ring I am custom making is a sign I'm self centered aye? pfft . that's an aquamarine that she always wanted for her engagement ring. had to get my own jeweler to head to Singapore and Thailand to source for it. tell me to my face one more time I'm being self centered

This post has been edited by Avangelice: Dec 27 2016, 10:59 PM

Oh, so showing off your fingers absolve you off everything that you have just brought up? And automatically it's back to her and her parents' fault?

Is this a game to you? If you love her, then stop talking bullshit here and man up.

not my fingers asshole. my jeweler's hands. that's hers.

"Clinic"?

Her parents obviously don't think that much of your "clinic".

so what you are saying here is I should be pressured to get married not because I need to but not the question if we should get married. two years is still relatively a short relationship. didn't know cupid has turned into a cesspool of ktards looking for an argument rather than talking a brother into doing what's right.

You should now realise nobody's replying in support of your puerile and amateurish rant about love while coyly showing off your doctor qualifications and richness. In the end, we can see through your bull and you're just an immature young man.

opps I remembered why I placed you into my ignored list already. in you go. back into the ignored list little two inch troll.

Since both of you agreed on kids subject.
Then get marry lo.
Why wait...
You also prepare the diamond customize ring already.
Just do it...

that's the plan. one more year of savings to get married it's the point that they see I'm not doing anything for my future that hurts.

Like I said, just an immature mommy's boy indulging in pettiness.

Get lost from this man's world. Obviously from the way you treat women, you don't deserve to be called a man.

and its off to ignored list for you kiddo. if you got no input for the conversation just stfu and go back to kopitiam. they need more sad freaks like you there.

ciao mostro

dont do wedding ceremony. dont ever borrow money to punch face as if fat.

just go straight to honeymoon in langkawi

Why don't u choose a 18yo girlfriend instead of a 31yo girlfriend? When you are in long term relationship, I expect this kind of shit happens. Don't worry, there re more shits waiting for u.

that's our plan but not in langkawi. that's for sure. it's just that I don't want to marry at this age

can't choose love when Aphrodite decides to work her magic. not gonna hurt someone just because I am not able to stand the heat. just upset that they decided to say that when I'm already saving every penny for the future.

Not a troll, but calling you a fraud, because that's what you are.

Don't get married if you're not mentally and emotionally ready. Don't do it "for her". You're going to resent her and her family if that is your motivation.

If you have to break up and let her find someone who is ready, sit down and explain the situation to her. It's going to hurt both ppl but better than being given ultimatums and forced into a more permanent life situation you don't want to be in.

Also, is there a need to be rude? I'm talking to everyone posting in this thread.

Hey brother, her parents is just worried because of their daughter's age. Thats all.

Good that you are doing preparation, regardless, if she understands your plan, thats all that matters. You can talk your plan with her plans to keep everyone on the same page. If you need one more year of time, just let them know.

1 year after all isn't that long anyways. Cheerios.

that's the plan

why not just communicate to her and the parents

man and woman doesn't think alike

they need assurance, we are more pragmatic

show them your plan

even if you want to come up with a surprise, still, tell her your plan vaguely

let her know both of you are not heading to no where

don't expect people to know you have a plan when you aren't showing any sign of it

anyway, good luck bro

whatever it is, all your reasons, etc... just talk and discuss with her. The frustration comes from not having the proper conversation, I believe. And talking ain't easy. But I guess you already know. But you have to face it. Talk, talk and talk... you're all grown up now. Fighting is like for kids. Set your mind up to it, discuss sincerely from the heart and therefore nobody needs to guess what's the other person is thinking about.

31 years punya galfren..dia memang patut sudah kawen..kalo 21 years old lain cerita laa..

IF BOTH of you do NOT intend to have kids, WHY need to marry? THINK about it.

NO good reason(s) right?


IF you get married and should you divorce she gets HALF of your assets that you own during the marriage! NOT to mention keeping that custom-made blue diamond ring.


(THIS IS CRUEL BUT...) IF not married, you can just go get a newer 21-year-old model 2-3 years down the road – clean and easy.

Oooohhh.....the self-centered doctor dispensing advice for free with no takers....grow up first before you come back to LYN to discuss your butthurt feelings should your girlfriend's parents ever scold you again.

Afterall, young arrogant ones need to be put in their place every now and again.

Bro,

I understand your pain, my 2 points.

1. Plan your on your own way, if your gf cannot wait then sayonara bcos you both are not aiming to get a child so as long you already decided to be with her then her bio clock is not an issue d. Marriage is just a legal term.

2. If i were in your shoes, i would seriously consider whether want to continue with the marriage with your gf since she do not support or understand you. From your story, she needs you more than you need her so she should be more understanding and support in her own way like telling her parents that you have everything plan so chill and not telling ' Hey, my parents say this d, how ? Sometimes, the girl's parents is pressure by their relatives and frens therefore stating the those to manipulate you into marriage. Must see everything overall.

Furthermore, is your gf only child ? got other siblings ? all this must be taken to account. If your gf does not understand the current market situation and reckon you need to do fancy wedding and pay for everything then sooner or later GG.

I have a fren paid 35k wedding dowry and that is excluded from the wedding expenses which he need to fork out. Ok, he is well to do, earning good money so no problem. Married for 2 years, family problems comes. Siblings problems, family dinners, events whereby they all looking at my fren to foot the bill, why ? bcos he is able and already family. Tell the wife and the wife turn on him saying you don't love me anymore, small money wanna kira and all that crap. At the end divorce and have bitter battle for the kids.

Seriously ? thats your feedback. The way you say shows you are the one immature. I feel you not yet ( Akil Baligh )

Agreed with above suggestion..

If you are ready to spend half a century++ with your gf, then she is the one..

Im not sure your gf is a big spender or earning less than enough or trying to afford luxury with limited resources, ZERO saving is something serious..

Nowadays, quite a number of ppl will ROM first then in coming 1-3years then only they have their wedding ceremony. Some just have a simple wedding ceremony and straight go to wedding vacation, skipping all the yam sing or boring session.

Some newly weds even say, just choose the inexpensive bridal photoshoot package coz the albums will just end up in the wardrobe or store room for most of the time..

It is your call !

Call ur gf n her parent up, discuss it with them, let them know ur plan. Unless you have gave up on her and her family..

R she the one for you?

i think better you dump her coz you cannot afford.

people already in their 30s. you know la for female the older they get the lesser value they are. don't waste ppl time. and also dont date girls who are older than you if you cannot afford

You are so full of negativity.. Whats ur clinic? Make sure i don't visit..
You dont even know whats in future but already talking abt special child.. Do you know many im their 40s have healthy kids?
You are confused.. You first imply that $$ is a problem, then change tune saying $$ is not a problem but marriage..then blaming your gf and so on..

Food for thought.. Money and sex are among the top reasons for divorce.

Suggest u have a heart to heart talk on life goals before tying the knot.

+1

Ts shld not waste her time if ts dun want to marry her.

Ts has to be reasonable...ts want to wait until 32 yo to marry her? By then she is 35 yo...wat guarantee she has to stay loyal to ts? I know a guy whose gf stayed with him until she 36yo then he dumped her for younger girl. All ger heart ache to stay loyal for nothing.

Good morning. I do want to marry her but if you read my post right it's the act of saying I'm not doing anything to plan for the future when I'm already doing all the things I can to make it happen that is the crux of the problem.

Fren all marriages hv risk lah. All marriages hv arguments and obstacles. No such thing as blissful marriages.

If ts want perfect one he be single for life. Does not exist.

Ultimately ts must build thresholds and find out if this rship is worthwhile. All marriages hv risk of divorce.

Morning.

Woman like that one..they like to yack and complain. Understand that u r busy n may not hv time to tend to everything. Thats why u nd to hv that talk with her in the car...lay out to her all ur plans. If she dun agree then debate it off. If she quiet u also say out ur plans.

Its frustrating..i know but thats life.

you better leave her alone...you own a house does not mean you plan a future for a family life..you buy a house seriously just for your future..some couple marry even without owning a house mean they no plan for future?...

From all your replies, I can only see you're angry and hurt cuz your ego has been challenged "for not planning".

Communication is the key for every successful relationship. If you're already planning then why not discuss with her to see if she agrees to wait another year? By then she'd be 32 already... u must know the agreement for not having kids are only a decision between you two and maybe her parents have no idea about this thus they are pushing you guys into marriage thinking about fertility rate. In this part you have to understand her, she is being sandwiched between her parents and you .... as her man though ur frustrated being viewed as not capable or not serious, you have to put it aside and concentrate on how to reach an agreement..... don't harp on problems but find a solution...

I don't want to make my own family cram themselves to live with her in laws. it makes for a disastrous concoction when arguments arises.

Anyways guys i value your thoughts and thank you for your time. looks like I need to have another conversation with her again regarding this. seriously this is like the third conversation we had and no idea why they wanna rush. what am I gonna feed my guest? sand?

thank you for the enlightenment. I have cooled of somewhat and am thinking more logically this morning. it's unfortunate that some factions decided to be hostile oh well. thank you again

Sit down and explain to them/her. Should be OK. Importantly, explain to her.

But I am completely baffled that she has 0 saving and being 31 years old.

Why hvg kids is so bad meh?

if u cant afford at least 1 kid lah.

Our cainis population dying of extinction level.

Well respek ur opinion...but do consider hvg kids...when u grow old n look back u may want one.

Its not impossible to raise kid at smaller income..i saw some families work as clerk n taxi driver can hv 3 or 4 kids.

Don't rush into marriage. Enough said. Plan for the future. One with with her, one without her. Find a middle point just in case she leaves.

Every marriage is a risk. No such thing as perfect one.

You still have no idea why they wanna rush? I thought it is pretty clear to most ppl that it is because she has crossed the 30s mark. You just need to explain to her and assure her that you intend to marry her and give her a timeline. Is she aware of this?
Another word of advice, avoid talking about how much you have sacrificed for the relationship. It won't get you anywhere. She won't like it, you won't like it. Do it willingly for the both of you. If she has a problem with saving, tell her about it. But just don't bring up what you have done and what she has not done. I believe you know this too, just lost it when you were angry.

ask her to save money too. see how much she can save for your future.

btw, how much you have save now?

i think because of your gal age older than u. The reason why i said so, if u 33 she already 36 getting much older and sour face and who knows future coming if u dump her. She was like Holy Shit 36 how to get another guy

Total savings is near 60k since I started four years ago. all of that now is in my unit trust portfolio.

would you suggest using your life savings to spend on a wedding? I don't want to burden my divorced parents esp my dad.

No need to spend so much on a wedding. Spend within your means. If she is a keeper, she will understand. You will get some back from angpow money anyway.

IMO, wedding is a show made for other people. I would rather spend it on ourselves (honeymoon, house, kids, etc.).

great saving though, no need to spend all and follow your parent or her parent lust for the wedding ceremony. keep it as simple as you can.

from the saving that you have now, there's no problem for you to get marry right now at this moment.

but now you have to fix your relationship again with her and her family first and discuss your own plan.

p/s: i know it's really hard to organize cheap wedding ceremony and hard to shut people's mouth said that you poor coz organized small ceremony.

Nothing is risk free. All you can do is to reduce the risk. If you know you are going into an expensive shit hole, don't go in if you have doubt.

If things look nice and OK, go in with caution.

People talk all the time, the important thing is your GF must stand with YOU. Else, move on. When you marry, two become one. So its important your future wife and yourself must think as one, that's how a marriage/relationship works, if she gets influence by simple comments made by her family, then she is not into you...vice versa.....

All the best man in making the right move.

Let me just say this, have you thought from your gf and her parents perspective? Why are they asking for a marriage? Have you tried to understand their intentions before blowing up?

Other people's parents? Even my own parents complain eh boy why you got no plan for the future? But I do just like you, just that I don't openly tell them. Humans are prone to laying judgement based on what they see, have you brought her parents to go see the house you bought? Do they know the existence of your plans? Manatau they think you're just like their daughter nvr save. Remember seeing is believing. Aunties and uncles will be aunties and uncle, it's the way they were brought up, our generation would be much better parents, that is if we don't shove ipads and tech down our kids throats.

Put aside your ego for a bit and try to understand where they are coming from. Yeah they are wrong for jumping the gun, but all humans do it and we have something called patience and tolerance to use. We can be the better person. If you have any doubts about your relationship get it sorted ASAP.

This post has been edited by siles1991: Dec 28 2016, 11:32 AM

Marriage is something to be decided by both you and your gf. Don't bend to social pressures and parent's pressures.
Ignore whoever criticize you and keep walking. All the best.

That's why I don't bother sharing my love life haha.

Don't need the drama bud

ZERO savings!!!
chip in money to deal with her repair work and save her ass countless of times for not saving and spending every month!!!
for a girl who aged 31, is danger for u..honestly

plan is not just think and execute by u only but need u and ur gfren to do it together.
if ur gfren is no willing to think a plan with u but just relay on u, forget it..
u can get a better one..

This post has been edited by bcth928: Dec 28 2016, 12:38 PM

So u are gonna dish out all the wedding expenditure urself?

looks like it since I don't have any help from any quarters.

i hate this kinds of girls, they expect the male going to foot everything,
they have zero yet they want the most lavish, grandish, once in lifetime wedding.

i can see it from at my office, my cousins even my wife friends. all spending like no tomorrow, fb full of travelling photo.

well, this is where man needed, to control their spending and make saving

If you really do plan to get married in the coming year, I would suggest u and ur gf to save some money starting now...
Communicate with her and manage the expectation...
I doubt with 60k +- 10k will able to have any sort of lavish wedding...
It really boils down to how much you guys communicate over it and manage each other's expectations...



This post has been edited by Freedom15: Dec 28 2016, 02:55 PM

during your relationship with her, had you told her what's your plan like with her in future? buy house, car, have kids bla bla bla..
its ok not to get marry if you think you are not ready..
but to wait economy to better, means no need get married? unless you have a bigger paycheck..
previously i have this issue. sort it out with my mum, gf and her parents. now when ready only commit.

2 years ain't enough??
How long do you need? 4 years? 5 years?

What do you want then? Start a fight here with me just to prove your little brother got hair? If you got nothing to add, sod off!

Exactly my point yesterday when I hentam him for his self-centeredness and arrogant attitude. Everything has to revolve around him. Perhaps he was indeed bitter and angry yesterday lending to his clouded mind and insensitive statements about the girl and her parents. Coming into LYN here to find soul mates who can validate his feelings, but instead of finding comfort, the real men here showed him what it is to be a man.

Well, that's the world for us.

Marriage is not to be rushed. Period.

Need to be ready for marriage? Yes. Financially? Yes. Moreover, need to be mature (not old).

TS - your posts indicated that you are used to make decisions by yourself, for everyone else. That is ego. Not maturity. A relationship is always 2-way. Have you discussed this with your gf? Note - I said "discuss". Not dictate.

Just my 2 cents.

seem like u already made up your mind. just leave her

The family wants your 50% quickly.
Becareful. Don't "accident".

After reading your replies,

This post has been edited by Bellelicious: Dec 28 2016, 08:23 PM

Marriage is also about the union of two families.. not only about you and gf.
Having the support of your in laws is always a positive.

As others have mentioned, try putting yourself in your gf's parents mind. It is natural for them to be concerned for their child's future well-being.

Communication is key.

Also i would advise you to consider carefully the habits and character of your future spouse. Is it in line with what you can accept for the rest of your life?
Don't go into a marriage expecting a partner will change for the better. If it does then thats a pleasant bonus.

One cannot change anothers character and behavior. That person must want to change it themselves.. then only will that change happen.

All marriages r expensive shithole. Its up to ts on how he able to handle his gf and negotiations.

As i said ts situation has big advantages because gf is asking for marriage so he got high bargain power to decide how to lower and share cost.

Sometimes i dun understand why rich chinese say oh i got 20k a month only allow me to hv one child...then those below 20k say oh i too poor to hv a child dun want to bring new child to suffer in this world.

My melei neighbor after married kapow..got 3 kids sommore his salary only 5k.

Sometime cainis just making more trouble for themself.
Cainis go buy grocery one time 500..melei go one time spend 250. We gotta look at sacrificing luxury items. If melei can do it why cainis cannot spend less?

This post has been edited by Pete the great: Dec 29 2016, 08:25 AM

Hello? Get her parents to help..

U already got upper advantage. Ask her parents nicely to lower dowry....ask them u only want 10 table dinner in ah kau restaurant...if they want more table they gotta help u. Explain to them ur parents not rich being divorce.

She is asking for marriage not u.

Every woman secretly longing for kids, even if she said it oppositely, just to satisfy your expectation. Law of the nature.

Parents will wish for grandkids.

go for spm graduate girls bro

Eh you're a doctor who owns a clinic, summore say you pokai meh?

There's the problem right there.




The girl's side is anxious to close the deal on a doctor lor. As far as the rest of us regular people are concerned, there's a lot riding on that prestigious title... you need to understand that. That's why they're eagerly asking, "So faster la, tell us what's next?"

You're right in refusing to be railroaded into a marriage by a family so eager to have a doctor among them. On the other hand, you shouldn't be offended. Explain to them lor why you're comfortable with just bonking their daughter without commitments.

If she's hard up for marriage and you're not up for it, then don't waste her time.

Leave her. Find someone else to bonk, shouldn't be hard for a doctor.

This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Jan 3 2017, 10:13 AM

save yourself the trouble and dont get married to her. Doesnt sounds like a love affair here...more like a baddeal. Money is impt to you, but marriage is impt for her. For all you know not too far in the future u guys are just going to breakup for the same reasons..
Yes...i do agree with you the girl shouldnt push you...if u are already in agreement of not having kids, I dont see why marriage is so impt after all....really like seriously all these marketing gimmick of 'marriage'....

Malas nak bace all replies, so ape kesudahan sini bro?

Just some say... Jalan ke neraka penuh keindahan... jalan ke syurga penuh seksaan, think about it.

Hello, I have read your post on proposal in Japan.
From what you have posted, it seems like you and your gf have mismatched expectation? This is only my observation.

For a girl, marrying at 31 years old is not young? Biological clock is ticking away.
If you think you're ready to marry her why would you still be asking whether marrying young is good or not? And you're only 28 years old and dated for 2 years only?

- difference in spending behavior could be a good thing. Balanced after getting married.
- i have quite a number of friend getting married last year without wedding dinner, photo session, or just commit to some of them. Marriage can be very costly, it can also be the opposite
- 2 years is more than sufficient to know each other, and to know if can live together in the future

Seems like there's no love in this relationship
Nothing's wrong being logical and looking forward for a good wife
Move on to look for your perfect companion

Actually, getting married is cheap.
The glamour is expensive. Here's your answer.

Uncle! I got good financial planning. I'm saving 100k from glamour and invest it at a portfolio that does 6-9% return, your grandchildren get good education. So, if uncle feels glamour is worth paying for, I have no objection. Sorry la uncle, I prioritize your grandchild more.

So Avengelice bought house for marriage now, don't want to marry.

How leh?

Why you not reveal here how your discussion with your gf went?

Maybe we can give you some pointers?

Yeah marriage is expensive, so maybe you can resize your wedding smaller lor to save money.

I know of a girl, her family pressure the bf to marry her after 3 years. less than one month, the guy cheated on her and said he was forced to marry her. said her family very money minded (which is true because we are in the same high school group and she used to invite me to her house) and he wanted a divorce as soon as she finds out he cheats.

generally, she's the type of girl very miang those type..don't know how to save money.. any rich guys also can. so I usually only agree to let her tag along when I need some characters like that in gatherings..

in uni days, she cheated on her only bf (that she looked for herself from her circle of lala friends). while all the rest of her bfs are from my different circle of friends that broke up with her.

she's the type of girl that as soon as she got a bf, she'll just go mia. (but I don't need her anyway)

although she doesn't have the face, she has the height. With fake eye lashes all those heavy make up girls. she's a branded freak so thats ok haha

anyway I despise guys that any girl also can those type of guys anywhere also got.

ts, is your gf's family like the girl in my write up above?

no buddy. that's not her current thing one. she's a very homely person and very sweet. i have to confess some of the posters here who have said that I need to grow up and not be selfish are true. maybe it is I who is not ready for a marriage.

no idea man. I'm still confused. I did not expect to be forced to marry at a young age. my original dream was to marry at the age of 32 but I didn't plan to be dating a girl who is three years older than me.

My mum is 3 yrs older than my father.

Its ur call. A lot of things in marriage is unplan...u wanna wait till she is 35?

Discuss with her if she want marriage there r a lot of financial stuff she gotta make do without because u r not financially ready. If she can agree then she is a keeper.