Hello everyone,

Just a gist of it, I am paying for the house loan, the utilities & groceries (milk & diaper for my baby) and my bring home pay is around 30k per month & the Mrs is bringing home around 5k a month.

We had a fight this month and she exploded saying she doesn't get any money from me & her colleagues husbands all "put money in their purses when they see its empty".

I am reluctant to give because majority of the money I make goes to my son's education via investments & I do not expect her to chip in at all for the maintainance of the family well being.

Am I the asshole?

You're not an asshole but if you earn 30k I believe a little bit wont hurt. Benefit outweighs the risk.

This post has been edited by db07mufan: Jun 12 2021, 11:16 AM

You make 30k which is quite a hefty amount, it's no harm opening another fund for you to put some money into so that your wife can enjoy a little.

NTA, but you do love your wife and you also want her to be happy right ? Bagi chance la

Money can buy happiness

Thanks for the reply. I asked her how much you think I should give you to be comfortable. She asked for 5k which I think is lunacy. The work I do is very skill intensive and I come home feeling very exhausted everyday so in my mind why do I have to do this when an office 9 to 5 worker doesn't do much gets double?

Sorry I'm just ranting now cuz I'm pretty upset.

How much do you think is reasonable?

This post has been edited by Avangelice: Jun 12 2021, 11:22 AM

Don't berkira sangat with how much you make and how much you contribute to your household. If you can afford it, giving some to your wife is a sign of affection. Being too calculative with what you earn and keeping tabs on your financial responsibilities can cause disharmony in a marriage. A happy and contended wife makes your life easier too so why count the pennies?

ETA : Saw your reply above on she asking for RM5k. If you think the number is ridiculous, work it out and negotiate. Shutting her off completely might be the reason why she exploded in the first place.

This post has been edited by citymetro: Jun 12 2021, 11:24 AM

If your cont to fight like this, separation is coming soon.

Because she see capability in you !

Maybe she cannot 'see' the investment part you are doing. The money with her is more secured.

Ask her why she need so much ? Can bincang what.

You already had your answer in mind from the way you posted your topic. I personally feel that if you are not willing and do not trust your wife that you can give her your full RM30k per month every month, and then you gives you back whatever you think you deserve (she literally becomes the finance minister of the house), then I don't think both of you trust each other

This is how we manage the financials when we first get married. We agreed 50% of salary will be deposit into joint family account. Obviously the money grow fast inside

Because those are joint money, each time we want to dig into it to use, we'll seek each other agreement. There's mutual understanding there.

Can give this a try. When your wife has sense of responsibility, the behaviour will change

She doesn't save & invest and every month I hear her tak cukup duit. She spends on shopping I reckon. Beats me I thought her money is gets, just dou job to keep a roof over our heads and be comfy. Mana tau she's been suppressing herself

You are right I do not trust her. If I let her handle our money, when the storm comes we don't have any savings at all.

Her upbringing issue, .....similar like my spouse. Luckily she dont demand but pretend nothing happen at counter ! So I avoid going shopping ... lol

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Jun 12 2021, 11:33 AM

Based on what youre saying, I kinda get why you're reluctant and a part of me wants to say kudos for staying your ground and Mrs shouldnt be listening to her friends, these things will only ever make things worse.

But none of us here really know you or your wife to give a piece of fair advice. But being married to your wife, Im sure to some degree you understand your wife and the things that influence her. So give it time and then talk to her about it, hopefully one that doesn't end with an argument.

If that calm reasonable heart to heart talk does not bring a favorable conclusion then, by the obvious, you would have to decide if some money is worth more than your relationship/family.

Also, I could only assume you child is still a baby given the milk and diapers, so maybe you still go easy on saving up for his education. Being prudent for the future is great and all but sometimes "right now" is more important.



add: :< 5k allowance on top of her bring home of 5k , when she does not contribute to the household maintenance is too much. Im sorry I dont think youre the one to compromise on this.

This post has been edited by Ayedd: Jun 12 2021, 11:39 AM

Same. All my work clothes are scrubs and just cheap uniqlo tees

When she spends she can spend 500 to 900 without thinking twice.

I wanna get an electric mop that cost 600 I think twice until didn't get it

Sound advice. I'll take heed. Thank you

Ur wife asshole
Tell her stop comparing to her friend

That 5k she use for what ?
If she not chipping in for food / house / kids
Then she jolly all 5k ?

If u wanna give
Not allowance but occasional gift is okay / cloth or so would be nice

TLDR: tell missus to be grateful of what she have

I added below on my original post..

I have nothing more to add, but i do wish you well and luck on whatever decision you make.


add: :< 5k allowance on top of her bring home of 5k , when she does not contribute to the household maintenance is too much. Im sorry I dont think youre the one to compromise on this.

A bit asshole. She feels you only threat her like baby making machine.

Is about the kids not her.

When actually she will be the one accompany until your old days not your kids.



I gaji less than 5k time also give my gf a bit a bit once awhile

U pay for everything and she still wants 5k from you? Lol thats a bit much no…if 1-2k still ok la but wahlao she already makes 5k and spends on herself only i assume why she need another 5k? To waste on dresses and makeup?