I see it the same way you do too.

But some parents when they hear other news that other parents getting the dowry, then they go and demand from the poor future son in law.

Just be ready my friend. You will never know, your gf parents is ok for now. But when wedding come, suddenly some kepo uncle or auntie of your gf will come and influence them to impose dowry.

Then again, when you have daughter next time and marry her off, would you think the same way too?

that what i am trying to say...
we don;t know whether the dowry demand by parent is ridiculous or downright low, right?
should be reasonable dowry...right?

the way i see....TS have no problem NOT inviting those close close friend who can afford to pay angpow rm60
BUT have problem meeting dowry demand which TS "deem" too high or outright ridiculuos.

So..tell me what will be the reasonable dowry?


This post has been edited by MakNok: Oct 21 2016, 07:03 PM

hey TS,
i just attend a wedding last month which cost RM1800 per table.

So..since yours is 1.2k or 1.4k per table..
So what is your minimum angpow to give then?

Rm60...RM80...Rm100.....tell me what is your expectation then?

I don't tell them how much to give lah.

But understandable, if some joker go and say will come and give RM 60, I straight away won't consider.

This kind of person is coming for free dinner. Its too much, you can't treat your friend like that. Even RM 100 is reasonable.

This good idea

Reduce your alcohol volume, my bro did 50 table and gain about RM10k in profit but haven't include alcohol part.

Kesian you TS, no MONEY no marriage
You failed to create relationship with your GF parents.

Imagine you have raised daughter for over 20 years and suddenly wanted to married to
unknown guy. Guess what? Do the daughter or you as son in law will support the
parents financially?

Dowry is normal in Chinese culture, however the one who ask or give must be based of financial capability. But you are expecting they let go of the daughter without gaining anything?

Again you are emphasizing on "gain" and as you know someone jokingly going to give your wedding angpow rm60...then it is NO GO invitation for them.

I ask you them..what about your relatives or close close friend who are not well off and can only give rm80 max or lower.

So you will be so call scrutiny your list of close close friends...relatives which are not well off and deem can't afford to meet your expectations of minimum rm100 angpow...NO invitations for them also.

Your right as you call it.
So what wrong of bride parents asking for a reasonable dowry which deem expectations of them....???

Ask TS to pinjam ur mum to act as an aunty and nego on his behalf

+1


TS are you an accountant?

how much is the dowry? more than RM50k?

We have failed to ask TS this question

Doesn't sound like you or your gf are ready for marriage as both of you have different understanding and expectations about it.

Also being chinese, dont tell me you have never heard of bride price? Did you do any research about chinese weddings at all?

how much was the demand for dowry ?
if it's more than your 3 months' salary (just an example)...perhaps you can try negotiate with them

after all...you still can spend money on their daughter after marriage

Precisely. This kind of Christians give Christians a bad name. Money-faced, probably using the church to find gf/bf and get business contacts only. Pfft. But as I've said b4, financial issues, starting a family etc should all have been discussed long b4 even thinking of proposing. Got a feeling she and her parents doesn't understand your financial situation well.

Already you know they are joking yet you took it so seriously. Boy oh boy, this ain't gonna work.

my big bro parents in-law ask for $$$$$... and my dad told big bro to tell the future parents in-law... you can keep ur daughter!!! they panic... and accepted the first proposal amount...

it is best for you to communicate with ur gf!!! make her understand ur situations/reasons...
if tak boleh compromise... cancel the wedding!!!
final decision is up to you!!!

If they tak mau
I find another one
Lelz

8888

TS seem to forget it is his and future wife's wedding, not his parents or parent-in-law to be's wedding.

He should discuss with his gf first, then present a united front to parents-in-law.

If gf is not on board with him, ie rowing on the same boat in the same direction even at this point.

Really should consider say bye bye now and not later.

I find especially worrying that TS says this "little girl" will listen to everything that her mum says.

Just imagine, later TS having sex with his mum-in-law via the "little gf" wife because mum-in-law says must liddis not liddat. AMBOI.

Firstly, Congrats on your coming wedding. Ok, tats the nice part. Now for the advice:

Chinese Ping Kum (dowry but given by groom) is given during the Go Tai Lai. u send betrothal gifts and the angpow together. Normally the in-laws will take a portion and return some of it. This is just a tradition. I'm not sure why you have not heard of it or even prepared for it.
Frankly, if you have not done sufficient study, Google, or at least know the basic stuff for a Chinese wedding, then I think u r not putting enough effort for the wedding. And your love for this future wife of yours is not deep enough. Mayb u need to think it thoroughly if u really want to spend your life with this girl?
I'm in my 30s, all my friends who get married paid the ping kum. Rate is around 5k-20k.
Even though Chinese weddings sound expensive, but most don't fork out tat much after all it ends. Coz the relatives angpow during tea ceremony, wedding dinner covers most of the expenses.
And for those that say it's stupid to have dinner and expect other ppl to pay, u guys miss the point of all this. Receiving a wedding invitation is a blessing and u r there to wish the newly weds lifetime bliss. Most Chinese gave big angpows for wedding coz they r happy for the couple and just want to help out with their expenses.
All in all, if you really love her, sort this out. If you are not tat deeply in love with her, just move on.

ts your in laws are money face people who don't care about you.

you sure you want to marry into this family?

mind you when my sister got married my father rejected any offer from the guys side as he knows it's not easy making money these days. over all my brother in law patents wanted a huge wedding and he told them you want a big wedding you pay for it where as my sister told him a medium sized wedding will do.

end up everything was perfect.