I didn't know marriage can be so expensive.

I only wanted a simple marriage but ended needing to expense for this and that. The in laws want it this way, my family want it another and my fiancée want it this way.

I try to save cost wanting a simple church and banquet but end up it becoming more complex for me. More complex for me is that I try to say it as tactful as I can to save cost, even justify to save money for future as my housing loan is coming up and I don't have a lot of disposable income left.

I think weddings are important but don't want to spend too much on it, as I more eager to invest into marriage than wedding as the wedding profits the photographers, bridal houses and restaurants.

Now I have another new conflict, the dowry. I have totally thought that it was not required afterall I am a Chinese. But now my future in laws are asking for dowry. It became a big issue and they appear not happy with me, because I was thinking of giving presents to them instead of money. This has caused tension between me and my gf.

Sigh, I am not good at communicating with people end up say things I don't mean. But I am finding it tough going to organize a wedding.

I think by the time the wedding is over, the money can buy a pesona. Bye bye $$$. If I don't spend one pesona my gf will be extremely mad at me. Sometime I wish I am born a woman, it so tough being a man.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 21 2016, 04:38 PM

This should have been discussed prior to even thinking about marriage. Common pitfall when the couple is not communicating well. As for the dowry, it is usually just a token with a nice figure. Understanding prospective in-laws who knows about your financial situation might even return the money after the ceremony is over.

This post has been edited by yeeck: Oct 21 2016, 04:46 PM

I have discussed. I only wanted banquet. But my gf wanted church wedding.

And then she think I am brain reader can sense about dowry.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 21 2016, 04:45 PM

You must remember, whatever you plan is not necessary what in laws and your GF wanted. Some parents will have very high expectation as if they are selling their daughter. Be prepare.
More discussion is needed until both parties can come to an agreeable terms.

This post has been edited by YoungMan: Oct 21 2016, 04:47 PM

never heard of chinese no need pay dowry before.
anyway, you need to sort things out with your GF first. once you have reach a mutual agreement, then only you deal with the parents. both you and your GF, as a team.
else, you'll have a very hard path ahead. even jeopardize your marriage

Agreed. Usually if the gf is ok, then parents will also be ok, unless the parents very unreasonable and $$-eyed. But think of it this way, if you were in their shoes, will you let go of your daughter if you can't be prepared to fork out money for a once-in-a-lifetime event? Even if it is a persona...

This post has been edited by yeeck: Oct 21 2016, 04:49 PM

This.

This post has been edited by MeToo: Oct 21 2016, 04:49 PM

The parents came back from one of the weddings, they heard that in the wedding they received dowry, then they want me to give same dowry amount - market rate.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 21 2016, 04:54 PM

Time to look somewhere else. Just don't go borrow money for wedding, not worth.

Tell ur gf RMxxxxx that im willing to spend. Do a guideline and explain in detail to her. If she still don't get it, time to check if she is really the one.

Ask them need to compare the other grooms dick size with yours or not.

OK that is sign of trouble. Big trouble. See if you can have a talk with your gf on this issue and get her to side with you.

The trouble with my gf is that she is not a very firm person and she is afraid to speak out.

So I didn't know dowry need to be paid, I thought this only apply to indian and malay weddings. She brought up the dowry issue, then I discuss with her, to be a token, some gifts. It caused a rift between us.

She later said her parents wanted dowry in $$$.

How to discuss when she keeps coming up with new things? She doesn't want to confirm everything at the beginning.

easy for you to say.

Invitation card all send out.

You want me to cancel half way when I already paid the deposit for banquet?

Very embarrassing, I don't know how to face my office colleagues.

she is with her parents side.

how much dowry?

I pm you

Why not?? Rather regret whole life than lose face?

Learn from my mistake.

I want to save money for the marriage, ie, for the future after the wedding. My ex-in laws want big money and show off and my ex-wife wanted a show.

I tried to come to a common ground but no success. It was me against her and her family.

Not that I don't have the money but the 50-60k for the 'show' can really help me reduce my housing loan, have back up money after the wedding, live a more comfy life knowing I have back ups in my bank. After the 'show' I have 0 in my account for half a year and I never had that ever since I started working.

Tell your gf. It is either we do it in your budget, or not doing at all. Because of this issue, they became my ex. Well, this is one of the biggest issue which contributed to the break.

After the break, every now and then when I think back, I shouldn't have gone through this. Should have just given up. Find some one who understands you better, work with you as a team, which contributes to the bond as husband and wife. If things are broken before the marriage even started, no point going through the show.

Divorce is expensive man. Don't play play. I wished that some one told me this at that time, or I can travel back in time to slap myself silly to tell myself.

well she is not that bad.

She was wonderful until wedding all the conflict come in.

I look at it more about my 3 years of relationship.