Yeah la, but over one dowry issue they start to character assassinate my gf. I didn't even mention the amount.

You are right, being in a marriage is about battling it out, not pull out and give up just like that.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 24 2016, 06:08 PM

i'm surprise that u actually thought dowry is not needed in chinese wedding.

u see, this dowry thingy really depends on girl family side. if u are lucky, ur in-laws will be very considerate, but that doesn't mean u dun have to pay at all. it is a chinese tradition to pay dowry to the girl family. this kinda thing, best is dun skip, else many many years later sure keep talking wan. however, the amount to pay is very much depending on the in-laws and their family culture. if they insist, there's really no choice but to sit down and discuss over for the best amount that both side can tolerate. marriage, after all, is both family's problem, dun blame, else will be very toxic to the marriage later on.

in my case, in-laws very cincai... she knows it's tough for me that time as that year alone was my marriage + new house move in... all were money and mostly in cash term. they did not demand high dowry, however, the other chinese tradition stuffs cannot skip, for example, the roasted pig must have...

luckily, my wife is very supportive and totally stand in line with me. we even considered no wedding dinner at all, but we did it anyway, for that once in a lifetime experience

though i'm not sure how much ur wife's family actually demand for, but i do hope it's settle as soon as possible. may u have a happy marriage. enjoy the process... u will be glad when it's finally over.

This post has been edited by vassilius: Oct 24 2016, 07:37 PM

Hey kid, you sure you want to marry her ?
If this is before marriage, imagine what comes after. They happily divorce you for another 50% of your wealth.

Really ? I dont think my family has paid any dowry before as far as when I asked
Nor did I.

that's really rare then if both side are chinese family

Wedding dinner isnt abouy you.

Its about the parents.



You are in charge of your kids wedding. Not yours.

At first I thought the dowry was very high, then I pm some of the posters here, it turn out to be reasonable.

So I decided to pay rather than to avoid making her parents frown at me day and night.

I did try to negotiate lower, but LOL didn't get discount.

But some of the money will come back to me, in terms of they buy back some jewellery for my future wife.

U r so lucky no need dowry.

Its a tradition.

You take people's daughter go home to sleep/work/make baby, you have to leave some token of gratitude behind.


In ancient time that means they might only see their daughter once a year or never again.

Not like modern days.

in case u missed it, i said i did pay the dowry, but considered low to me, which i'm grateful for...

the one who din have to pay is this forumer Azurika


lol i think u mistaken this part... i actually meant i'm not sure how much ur wife's parent's actually demand for the dowry

This post has been edited by vassilius: Oct 24 2016, 07:38 PM

All the best to you bro, but a word of advise from season adults. If your woman, wife / GF / life-partner is not with you on the wedding and follow their parent's wishes, lots of issues coming your way. Although a lot of people says that marriage is just between you and your soul-mate but with Chinese families, this is really not the case as it concern's many parties.
If your future-in laws are not understanding enough, then seriously few years down the road, probably you will open a thread about divorce procedures. We guys are very patient people but there is always a limit, hit that limit all hell breaks lose.

We don't really know that fella. That's why I am screening and filtering whom I want to reply.

There are a lot of keyboard warriors who doesn't understand what we are facing. At least you faced this b4 and you check out fine. I am glad to have received your valuable advice, thanks.

Not everything la.

There are a lot of things her parents try to influence her like moving to my parents house, they sure wanted me to prepare my place first.

And then there are overseas trips I went with her and share same room, this is something her parents are very against. But she still did it. By the way, I am good guy I don't sex pre marital.

not a good idea to screw up ur in-laws... they are after all ur wife's family. dun make it hard for her...

well, of course that depends on wat case also laa. if shit like frequently borrow money, then really can fuck off d

Bro,life is long and hard. get a "understanding wife"

Both Chinese, never heard of it , like period ... Nor did my uncles/dad ...

I dont follow tradition, and I dont plan to.
And you made a good point, in this society we take our in-laws out for holiday's, home visits especially if in same state , etc.

My own opinion is, if I have to pay someone for their daughter , it sounds like im buying her up. If I have to buy her out, I have the right to sell her out also. I dont buy liabilities, i buy assets.

This post has been edited by Azurika: Oct 24 2016, 07:59 PM

Bro.... just telling some of issues my frens face before, of course in this case you understand your future wife ( congratz in settling the dowry and ceremony underway ) and your -in laws better than anyone here. Like what you say, you started this thread to get feedback and i believe some feedback can use and some can't ( keyboard warrior la tu ).

Sex before marriage does not mean its bad, to me i feel its a process to know each other physically and not just mentality. Anyway, a free advice for you. Communication between your in-laws well, treat their daughter well and they will repeat ten-fold back to you unless the parents-in-law don't love their daughter.

Bro... dun get me wrong. I am just saying one should get a partner that looks after both side and not one sided.

both of you should stand united to what you want however, nasi sudah jadi bubur.


When i asked my wife, how shall our wedding be, she said, within 40k max for wedding and dinner.

so we ensured when we communicated, we stand together and say one word. sure both in laws and family have thier own expectation and i told my side, our pridicament and her, hers end of the story.


so we accomodated what we can and ensured whatever we had planned, remains in 40k. anything extra that people wanted, they have to fund for it.


now comes the part of dowry. this my friend, is something i have no choice but to say sorry that you go into this kind of family want dowri.

dowri is usually use by poor people to get some benefit or to ensure you are sincere with the wife.......i pity you bro to go into this family that does not respect you but to ask you to pay that certain money to earn that resspect. usually its a small token but it can end up into a massive headache

Should have married an Indian girl.

You get the girl AND the dowry.

Since this is serious /K, dowry like jewellery and house or whatever still consider dowry?