Lol. As much as I don't like those high wedding cost , and those demands from in laws, but the actual fact is NOT that "ur wife thinks u are a brain reader and can sense about dowry"

The actual fact is that you think your wife is a brain reader because you think she supposed to know that you live in cave, got 0 common sense hence can't sense about dowry

Not knowing dowry is not common, ok?

Ur wife is supposed to be your partner.

Some tips:
1. Talk to wife, tell her how much u likely willing to fork out for dowry. Then get her to also find out likely how much her mom is thinking of. Most importantly, can your wife find out whether her mom may pass the money back to her anyway (some moms don't keep the money, they just want to get more money so that they can pass to daughter)
2. How tables are you giving them? (The ang pow for those tables they will collect their own). If you give them 10 tables, ur dowry can be ramge from 8888 onwards depending on how much u want to give. If it's 15-20 tables, then range from 5888 onwards.
3. If during negotiation stage when u meet in-laws and you propose the sum, and they reject. Ask them how much are they thinking of. If it is over budget, tell them you get back to them as u need to try find the money.
4. Causally mention you need to set aside some money savings for after wedding. But if they are insistent to the extent where it is on the verge of quarrel. Tell them you will get back to them.

Frankly, to be blunt, a middle income family usually will not ask for over the top amount. As it will look like they are selling their daughter. Typically, I seen poorer families asking for more dowry, statistics wise. (Not because they are money hungry).
If your wife side her mom, normal. She is on both fences. Not easy to manage. But if she scolds you and treat you like ATM, then best is you find another girl. Plenty of fishes.

If I am you, if I won't marry the girl if she is not siding me. It's not about the amount or church. It's the thoughts that count. You be unhappy about the relationship.

By the way, for her asking for church wedding. That's quite Okie. No fault of hers.

wolfman87

I wish I could go back in time and slap myself too. But yes, TS, listen to this man. If she sides with her parents now, she may not ever side fully with you. And you need a team mate.

Lol wedding these days are crazy...need this and need that.
Sometimes I wonder if wedding ceremony is about two people getting together or impressing the people?

It's not worth to spend so much on a wedding just to look good.

when you are having a wedding dinner the worst you need to expect is not all your guest will give you ang pow, you'll be lucky if you can break even.
btw you should considered cum inside your gf to ask for discount

from what i've followed you should really considered finding another wife, eg: Viet bride can get a few already * no jokes*
your gf will not be gonna be a good wife since she is not being considerate, trust me buddy both of you are gonna quarrel everyday about $$$ till divorce

i was almost in your situation before, but then again my parents are firm the bride side wedding was really grand, while my side just had like less than 10tables
we are happily ever after so far....no arguments on financial issues

I don't care how much your pertable is. I am here because I am happy for you and I am there to celebrate your marriage. I am giving what I can afford and what I a willing. Just like you not wanting to give 200k for your dowry knowing your future in kaws spent 1 million raising that daughter.

Another idiot expecting guest to fund tables and weddings.

This.

I would highly advise TS to not proceed. Find other woman with considerate family. Next time get to know her family first before u decide to marry her.

abang if you think like this even before marriage, high chance your marriage won't work out

not yet married already have such issues and you talking about her like this

and she threaten to walk out even before marriage lol

all the red flags are there, best not to proceed, better to throw away 3 years than to throw away 3+god knows how many more years + shitloads of money

dowry for chinese some you give the parents but in return the parents will give it to their daughter.

some give jewellery, money, and even property.

i known friends which the parents raised up to 1m usd as the dowry and give to the wife's parents but the wife's parents give to the daughter and son in law for business ventures

myself, i spent about rm100k for a piece of land as dowry, its under my wife's name now but i don't really look back or think about it. it was within my affordable means.

don't force yourself if you can't, if she can't accept it, let it be, you are not meant to be if so. believe me there is much more obstacles after marriage, if you can't past this one, better not go on.

Woah a lot of negative comments.

lingleeyen as much as I appreciate your comments, I don't think you should equate your experience with mine. It is very different.

You are looking at only one side of it, sorry to say, things didn't work out for you was during the marriage itself, and not pre wedding.

And the people I invite are those who really really want to share the blessing with me, I don't invite part timers. That's why I only have 20 tables and not 50 tables.

Don't worry about me, I will get my table numbers. When I go for wedding, I am very considerate, today's rate is not RM 60, I don't go freeloading. If I do not know the person well, I just simply reject the invitation but if I go, I give generously. I don't go freeloading.

Its up to you if you want to enjoy the partially free food and pay RM 60 from your close friend who invited you because he thinks you are the best person he ever knew.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 24 2016, 11:23 AM

Seriously, I refuse to disclose the dowry, already so many posters here jump the conclusion to say my gf family are money lurchers. Wah so fast and rash they jump to conclusion. There are a few that I managed to determine that they are reasonable in their responses, that's why I PM them. I can filter those that are really negative. I mean what has a divorce (one very bitter and miserable poster whom I shall not mention) got to do with my wedding preparations? For crying out loud?

To be fair, I am only talking about one occasion - the dowry. I haven't even described my gf's character, people start to call her a money grabber. I really shake my head.

Yes she mentioned the figure, I made the comparison and determine its a fair amount.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 24 2016, 11:28 AM

I knew what I went through, I know what you are going through, that is why I am trying to warn you about what is to come when your partner is not your team mate. My marriage failed because she is NEVER my team mate. Not when I protested about the 10pm curfew when we were 24 (curfew still exist till the day we got married/ sign paper), not when I protested about not being able to bring her out on day trip with my friends (2 days 1 night lagi la), not when I protested about the pre-fixed location of the house by her parents when we intend to buy a new house with our own money, not when I protested about how her parents intervened the renovation of my new house, not when we are trying to decide the shape of our new bed frame, not when her parents made ridiculous demands on wedding details, not when she and her parents single handedly decide it was time for my ex-wife to have a baby.

Nothing can be discussed unless the in laws shut their pie hole.

I am not asking her to turn against her parents. I was asking her to stand on my side, think for me, manage both OUR expectations as one unit, then go out and fight the battle with her parents as one body.

This woman you are looking at, is your partner for life. If she is not your team mate, sooner or later you will sack her like how JibJib sacked Moodin. It will only cost you more.

Wah havent settle ah the dowry part ? All the best to you.

I eat chili, I terasa pedas.

I came in with a good will to tell you what to expect. I do not hope some one goes through what I have been through. Maybe you do not know, the wedding prep either make or brake your relationship. For me it did partially, just add up to the icing to that miserable cake.

I am happy that I am done with the past. I have a very good team mate now. That is why I know a world difference when you get one and when you are not.

My last word, don't marry a woman who is not your team mate. And people will never change. Not you, not her.

Yes I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I have friends who divorced before too and I know them to be good people, just that they had unlucky marriages.

But I have to say, my situation is not the same as your situation.

Granted whenever we are in a relationship, there's always going to be differences. Nobody in this world is perfect, we got to work at it.

Look there are areas her parents don't feel comfortable because they are staunch Christians. I went to overseas trip with my girlfriend to East Europe and Vietnam, but she was ok we shared the same room. No hanky panky, as I am not the kind of guy who does pre marital sex. Her parents didn't agree with it but yet she decided to go because she knew that it be very expensive to go on a trip if we had separate rooms.

I really hope you got to know that not everybody is like your ex. But from what I heard from your story, your ex parents are control freaks. Its really unfortunate that you have to endure this. I pray and hope you will find someone better, as you deserve someone better.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 24 2016, 12:07 PM

just settled. Thanks to some posters who PM me and gave some valuable advice.

got one, some cainis parent will ask something like compensation for them, becoz u are taking their doter

my fren mother ask 50k from his bf.

Wah for 50k I will sure pull out.

But first ask gf to kahwin lari. If she refuse, then forget it.

no need to pay lumpsum, can installment lol.

maybe different ethnic different way, thats my fren told me lah

but it is really 50k, it takes a while for the bf to get the money. they just got married.