Good. The smaller amount of guest the better. I can tell you the hardest of all and most headache part in a wedding planning is planning the guest's seats. You'll have alot of buggers and funny things said from relatives that may go something like this "I now not good terms with this person(relative) and I don't want to be seated same table or the table beside them". The lesser the tables the easier it is to plan. What more there's always not one but several basket fellas that last minute 1 or 2 days before the actual day only to tell you they cannot come or can't make it with very unreasonable reason that they could've notified you in advance a week or 2 before the actual day. The worst are those in a family suddenly not gonna attend but did not make the effort to notify leaving a table few seats empty. Best to remind your guest a week or 2 beforehand to reconfirm if they are still attending anot.

Wine at least 2 bottles a table is ok as not everyone in the table is gonna drink but one can't be too careful. I'd recommend about 2.5x of your overall table quantity should be right if your relatives/in laws side of the family are heavy drinkers. Try not to allow until people complain that there's no more liquor. It's best to have more than enough. Plus some of your relatives might even bring their own bottle of whiskey/brandy. You don't really have to worry so much about it if you have more than sufficient bottles. 2.5 x 40 tables x RM40 is RM4k anyway not that really huge of a big dent. RM800 lesser if it's 80 bottles.

If church hall is bare instead of fresh flowers go with long cloths that can tie into ribbons as they can make the place look vibrant and colourful. Fresh flowers will perish easily and are a waste of money unless you're really loaded. It's gonna be a logistic disaster unless you get the green lights from the church to decor it at least a day before the ceremony because no driver is gonna deliver flowers for you just because it's your big day early in the morning and there's the potential risk of driver arriving late on actual day.

Dowry like some suggested, maybe convince your in laws that you'll be giving them 10 tables and then also you would also give an amount as a token for said future wife's jewellery(Maybe RM3888). I think that's not a bad deal.

This post has been edited by DarkEmotion88: Oct 26 2016, 04:13 PM

give 10 tables is > 10k, of course token is cheaper.

You seem fair person to discuss. Got a lot of keyboard warriors seem to apply their wedding to everyone else like Gold standard. But I know who is genuine and can talk to, so I talk to you because you appear to know quite a lot on wedding.

I know who to filter to discuss and get better feedback. So I filter out all those negative comments come and tell me off that just because I have disagreement with my gf over dowry and cost, means call it off. What? they so give up attitude. They not understand that its all part and parcel of marriage. There will always be disagreements. Just because she is not Yes Man, doesn't mean she is the devil of which lots of keyboard warriors seem to label.

Church hall have to rent flowers, aiya costly lah. But I tell gf if she want more deco, then have to spend time with me make cardboard lanterns and blow balloons to save money.

That's the thing about guest la. I kept reminding my gf to keep updating wedding list but she is so blur blur, always assume things will work out. It won't happen to my section of my guest list because I control them a lot. I only invite close friends and good relatives.

Its only her side of her friends and relatives I am worried about.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 26 2016, 04:34 PM

When my wife and I got married, I was dirt poor - I just started work after I returned from my studies overseas, she had been working a couple of years before that, so when you rattled the piggy bank, you could literally hear the coins banging against the walls.

Her mother and father didn't ask for anything other than whatever we could afford to give - in order to save face, my wife "paid" her own 聘金 (betrothal gold) - RM5,000 of her hard earned savings. We had a simple wedding and the generosity of our friends & family easily helped us cover the cost of the banquet/ceremony.

We've been married 25 years now. And in that time, our fortunes improved. But I never forgot neither my wife's generosity nor the generosity of my father & mother-in-law, who made it so simple and easy for me & demanded nothing more than for me to be true to their daughter.

When I received my first bonus, I bought plane tickets for my father & mother in law to fly back to their ancestral home in China. It was an emotional time for them, because they hadn't been back for many decades. I was happy to say that I continued to send them on fully-paid holidays annually for many years until my father in law passed away 10 years ago.

When I made my first million, I bought my mother in law a house in her home town back in Ipoh. The house she was staying in previously had become a bit run down, and with my father in law's passing, there was no one left to help with the repairs. I remember I paid RM 400,000 for the property - big, landed double storey place with a large porch. The look on her face was worth every ringgit.

Till this day, my mother in law receives a monthly stipend of RM10,000 - transferred directly by giro into her bank account, by a grateful son-in-law, who never forgot and always appreciated her (and her late husband's) gesture of not demanding a large 聘金 all those years ago.

The money saved from not having to be burdened by a ridiculous 聘金 amount & an expensive, show-off wedding all those years ago set us on a debt-free path, and helped the marriage off to a wonderful start with the right priorities.

My only regret is that my father in law passed away too soon, and that I was denied the opportunity to give him even more - totally deserved and rightfully earned by his simple gesture of love and understanding 25 years ago.

Good to hear that you been a blessing to your in law family. I always like to hear stories of meaningful marriages.

I gather you are in your 50s now? Unfortunately, in today present day, market rate and materialism has seep into weddings. Its become too commercialized. Just like when Xmas was celebrated with more holy meaning but today's world a lot of commercial companies jump in to make more profit raising prices and making it more commercialized.

No, my friend, I'm in my 40's. We got ROM'ed just fresh out of school, the traditional wedding (the one I was talking about) was about 5 years later, after I'd returned from my overseas studies. So, I suppose I should clarify: ROM/civil marriage - 25 years, traditional wedding (the one that actually matters to the Chinese) - some 20 years ago.

Oh I see.

But anyways 25 years ago different from today?

I really feel sorry for the future generations to come, weddings gonna go skyrocket.

mean's that her families true color is starting to show up.

ditch her and pour the money into your property. no regrets.

R u not ready?

Don't so fast jump in conclusion that your in law is money minded ..
Usually not very well family need some dowry to cover the wedding expenses geh and some gift to u and your wife
End of the day they also never pocket anything ..don't so fast show black face to them

But more important is r u prepare to accept after marriage life n treat her family like your family?
Marriage is not between u n your wife, but is 2 family matter

Good luck.

English 101 lesson.

Dowry is given to guy side from girl side.

Bride price is given to girl side from guy side.

I never said my in law r money minded.

Its only the other negative posters which r telling me they r money minded and advising me to call off wedding.

I can tell you there r a lot of keyboard warriors even in Serious K.

I wish I can data - sort for those useful comments.

I don't blackface them, her mum already blackface me. But my gf is still in good talking terms with me.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 27 2016, 02:44 PM

So have u found any solution ?

If that part they asking is norm cutting your meat and affecting you then just agree with them

If u really can't afford discuss with your wife

Important is don't be sohxi borrow loan for wedding

Dowry not just about how much but this show how sincere u willing marry someone precious daughter ..think from parent mindset..beside money there certain custome that u need to follow ..although all this I think is unnecessary but this show u serious marry someone n willing to take responsibility as a husband in future and u r sincere be part of family

You don't stand firm enough.

Who said wedding now need high price?

My wedding 4yrs ago cost me RM15k. With dowry. And it is in PJ/KL. Not kampong.

Will the cost different much compare 4yrs ago?

well..no men is really ready to get married. financially or mentally.

From your side of the story, your fiancee seems like a bubble head little girl who watches too many korean dramas.
Marriage is about two person coming together as one and as a Christian, she should know that after marriage, her husband is her team mate. If she can't think from your side now, when will she start doing that?

I've always wanted to travel and get married without the hassle of banquet or ceremony or whatever because first the cost is high, second i've organized weddings for my friends before and I know how much work it is.
But as time passes, I think if my partner can afford it, and we can come to an understanding of how things should be done, why not?
As for parents/family/relatives (yea there are a lot of kaypo relatives who wanna have a say even though it's non of their business) side, I think both should talk to your own family (it'll be easier that way) and get things straight.
I've told my parents many years ago that they SHOULD NOT expect dowry as they are not selling their daughter away. If my partner wants and can afford to give dowry then take it with gratitude.

I've seen friends around me getting worked up after they got engaged and start planning for their wedding and it's really sad to watch.
I hope you'll be able to sort it out with your wife-to-be. Be a man and stick to your principles coz you're the one paying.
If your partner cannot stand at your side now, you really need to think hard if she's really the one? If she's not with you, how are you gonna start a life together?

Just amaze as how so many ppl just expect the groom to pay for everything. What happen to marriage being a partnership.

only both are Christian to allow in church wedding.

If your in-laws not wealthy type of ppl, usually they use the dowry to buy gold for their daughter and for u when doing the tea ceremony time.

Dowry in the range of 3k to 5k is reasonable and usually that's the figure to buy some gold. This from my family experience.

If you however unable to afford it or their demand figure is quite high, try calmly discuss with your wife and nego with ur in-law.

Wedding indeed spent ALOT of money, usually all little little accumulate till skyrocket figure

This is the most ideal wedding.

Wedding + honeymoon together one shot.

No monkey show, no yam seng show, no need waste money on photographer (and sometimes get shit photos), no need show off here and there.

Most importantly, parents, in-laws and busybody relatives are OUT OF THE WAY!

I spoke to my girlfie about this idea when we are considered stable in the relationship.

She supported my plans and luckily her parents are those cincai type.

Just be open with your concerns lahh.

I am sure she will understand cuz after all, marriage is about the two of you.