Young man, if there is already talks and people playing the "i'm walking out" card even before you're married - this is not a good sign already.

Worst yet - how could your gf not be on your side? Are you really sure you picked the correct one?

Personally, i have very strong financial standing, yet i do not get bullied into a sticky situation like this, don't you know how to stand your ground? It's only AFTER my wedding that i started with the gifts of property, cars, and medical insurances to the in-laws.

ps- maybe it's the culture of the lesser income, but why do you put an emphasis on "breaking even" for your wedding tables? Just don't put expectation on this.

All my known friends and social group expects nothing back, because it's an honor to have my invited guest come to my dinner. (each table cost 4.8k - and i just let the inlaw side to collect and keep it for themselves)

Point is, don't get bullied into a wedding just because of your current circumstances, man the fuck up and know what you want with your life.

About to marry an Indian Muslim from Penang and the budget for both of us (shared) was previously planned at around rm 40k and now had ballooned to rm 90k. Fark!!! 1 more month to go before the wedding day. Im glad that its shared

Agree with this. This is only the beginning of life as a husband-and-wife team and already you are thinking of throwing in the towel. There are plenty more hiccups in life as a couple post-marriage so you've just go to learn to handle and deal with all this.

Sit down and talk to your wife-to-be. Tell her your expectations of this wedding. And let her tell you hers. Then, both have to find a common ground and work from there. If need be, get a close (unbias) friend as a mediator.

You have got to understand that a man only starts planning his wedding (if ever) on the day he propose. Most women have been visualizing it their whole life. Some wants to it to be a big and grandeur affair, and I don't see wrong, as long as both parties are happy spending that amount.

The thing is, you both have to iron out your expectations (church wedding, wedding expenses, dowry & betrothal gifts, etc), and then as a united front, present these expectations to those vested in it i.e. parents/in-laws.

When I got married, we had so many issues to iron out esp with parents & in law's expectations (incl religion). But as a couple, we were a united front, putting our foot down if the demands from both parents became overboard.

As for the dowry, my mom asked for one just as a matter of observing tradition. In the end, she returned everything to us as part of the wedding angpow. Perhaps, this is something that you & your MIL could work out. Win win both side - she "save face" that she manage to get a good dowry for her girl, and you effectively dont have to fork out a crazy amount. Don't start your life as a couple in deficit funds, thats my philosophy.

Anyways, the wedding day is meant to be a happy affair. But then again, wedding day is ... just a wedding day. It's the marriage (that supposedly last for a lifetime) that one should focus more on.

you sent out invitation card when it seems lots of things not yet confirm...this is dangerous...before you sent out invitation card, photo shooting, etc...you shd have sit down face to face discuss with ur in laws what they want...

now you realise that the dowry to your wife to be is reasonable.

my question is what make you think that your in law not reasonable in dowry amount request in the VERY 1st place?

sex b4 marriage will ruin the marriage. I can guarantee that.

after that you will feel dissatisfied and appreciate your partner for her physical and not her other attributes.

What to do? I love their daughter but I have to put up with the family demands for dowry.

Its the way they put the question out. And they don't even allow to give discount.

Now they blackface with me already because I requested to give token.

Aiyah, like that also blackface. So they blackface, I just don't talk much lah.

Then her whole family move in with you.

Thanks but no thanks.

understood that wedding sometimes cost many headache.. not only money but other disagreement.

my husband end up have a heat argument with my dad but i manage to stop them. and we manage to pull everything tru without losing money..

just that we do alot of DIY, alot Freelancing..

advice to u:
1. Drowsy discount MUST BE NEGO by the bride not the groom. the successful
rate is higher.
2. Do not let ur parent and in laws meet until that day.. so u can control what they discuss and agreed with your concern.

is ur and wife wedding so TAKE CONTROL on the event.

maybe u shd be specific, what is the amount of dowry here?

hello, are you guys still living now on the 21st century or the 18th century? My DeLorean time machine must have landed me in the wrong century.

A lot of keyboard warriors here and there are some who share wrong experience (talking about divorce experience when I am talking about dowry issue), I only PM the dowry amount to those who have at least gone through a proper Chinese wedding.

I do not want to reveal the figure here else kena swamp by keyboard warriors.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 25 2016, 02:50 PM

5 digits?

LOLx bro, you have different mindset la. Sex b4 marriage will ruin it ? Guarantee ? But what you say holds water because current generation fails terribly in relationships. Why ? bcos they are after beauty and physical. Example, 10 men go after a beautiful girl ( the girl will choose the riches one ), all say ' i love you' but in the end that is not love, that is attraction. They are not searching for compability, they are searching for trophy partner or good for piap ( lowyat term ). Which is why you say sex b4 marriage would be ruin but in actual fact its the mindset that ruin themselves and not bcos of sex.

Current generation, most of them don't understand love at all. Guys want pretty / big boobs / slim / obedient / feminine / good in bed girls, while girls want 5C or 6C guys that can provide everything for them then they can flaunt to their friends in facebook. This is reality, if you dun believe me, you tell your gal dun post anything in facebook about your grand wedding ( 1.4K table i think ), see whether she agree or not.

PS
The marriage would be ruin if both of you don't know how to satisfy each other after marriage, that I guarantee.

u better lay hands and get down on your knees to pray for your in-laws as very unchristian and not christ-like.

if they are non-christian, than u can share the gospel which is worth more than the dowry money.

this will not happen if you gf is standing on your side... dowry is subjective, and it makes a whole lot of difference if your gf helped during the negotiation phase...

i was lucky, my gf doesn't have parents and her late grandma said that she don't want any dowry, just a dragon-phoenix bracelet for her grand daughter will do... i gave that, everyone's happy... anyway, the problem with my marriage was not with the in-laws, it was with my parents...

my parents never like my wife, thus always tried to push me to just marry her as simple as possible... no need dinner, no need ceremony, just go holiday... i went and did all that, small dinner at 5* hotel, gou da li and everything i bought following hokkien tradition, and also went for holiday...

yeah, my parents weren't happy but fcuk that... as long as my wife and i are happy, that's most important

Well I think I can say there are two people important in my gf's life - me and her mother. But when it comes to whom first, her mother wins. LoL

The trouble is, her mother just attended one friend's wedding and when she heart that the friend got this and this sum of money as dowry, she want the same from me.

Sigh, people like to compare these days.

No worries, bro. When your wife give birth a children, your parents will straight away lum lum saying your wife like their own daughter.

This post has been edited by dangerminimouse: Oct 25 2016, 05:54 PM

then too bad la... some people memang money face one... try nego la bro...
your gf knows you best and whether its possible for you to fork out that amount or not...
i don't think your in-laws will go to the extent to cancel/delay the wedding just because the dowry is short of 1k or something like that...
and touch wood if they do... they you also know what to do lor right?

They won't cut wedding because short of 1k lah. But they sure black face at me lah.

Already they tunjuk black face at me lah because I wanted to give them token only.

black face is something that can be avoided... but it will be difficult since i presume your gf is very close to her parents?

mine ok, i tak jumpa my parents or they tak jumpa me for 9 months also no problem

but how much difference is it by the way? double or something like that?