I suppose so lah but if I pay them after discount, they will blackface throughout my whole life with them. I live quite close to her house, so every day wanna see her parents merajuk at me meh?

I can pm you if you want to know the amount.

By the way you are living in Australia, right? So you kinda escape from seeing in laws. Lucky you.

no lah, i'm still in KL... my in laws are quite nice people, they love my boy! more than my parents

Can PM the amount too? Interested to know.

How on earth did u think u no need pay dowry.....

No friends mentioned dowry to u? Its important component in a chinese wedding hahaha

Ive heard stories of wife helping the husband pay part of the dowry, to please the parents. See if ur wife willing fork out some money

My pay 3 to 4 times higher than hers. Well, you can guess who is going to fork out the dowry?

Can't do it until I can trust you.

Its good, because no matter what happens the parents attention are focused on your kid.

lmao ok

she got savings or not? if your pay is 3-4 times as her, u pay 80% lo. she pay 20%.

Ah weddings...there's always hidden costs. Let me give you a rough gist what are the things to take note and calculate as well.

You've mention banquet so depending on your budget you might wanna consider having it in a restaurant rather than in a hotel ballroom. The restaurant is usually the much cheaper option. But you've gotta take note how many tables you wanna have for both sides of the family as not many restaurant can cater wedding banquets well around 60 and above tables. Also if your future wife's parents & family are from a different state then tough luck for you. You gotta at least hold two separate wedding banquets.

Do you want the reception area decorated? For example having photo album table/ beverage & candy bar/ reception table/ photobooth and etcs. Those can cost extra alot so if ya don't want to just save the money. On a side note that If you do go on the hotel ballroom route, you best better have this option. The ballroom & reception area is mostly bare and the hotel will only cater to their standard table arrangement and decor which may or may not be up to your expectation. You gotta ask for actual images from the management.

Don't forget liquors. Can't have a good Chinese wedding without liquors be it beer, wine, whisky, brandy and whatnot. Even on a budget, at least get decent RM40+ bottles of wine. Don't skim it on RM20 or below bottles of wine as you're better off not having them in the first place because those are gonna be left untouch after a sip or two and you're gonna have so much leftovers to take home. If not just forgo it and get 30-40 cartons of beer which is quite plenty.

Performance for the banquet is not a must but it's good to have it so the whole banquet isn't mundane. At least get a 3 piece band should suffice. Want a cheaper route? Ask the restaurant do they have karaoke system. Most that does wedding banquets do and you can have your relatives/friends go on stage and sing. It's free~

Dowry amount is subjective but at least you gotta put in mind about RM20k. If your future in laws are understanding, they will return a large portion that will be given back to your wife to keep.

Does your parents want to hold a small buffet banquet at home to invite neighbors, friends and family? That might not cost alot which can average RM20-30 per head but still something to put on the list.

I might've left out some stuff but these are some of the notable ones that would burn the expenses the most if taken too lightly.

This post has been edited by DarkEmotion88: Oct 26 2016, 11:49 AM

just a piece of advise to those planning to get hitch soon...

always discuss n understand each other's financial position, planning & habits b4 signing anything or sending out cards, better still b4 the guy pops the big question...

and never never ever plan that ur ang pows will cover the cost of ur wedding... especially when times are bad... if u need to open ur ang pows the next day to find out if u r still financially sound, u r not ready to get married...

as for chinese dowry, it is a must because it shows ur appreciation to ur in laws, from 2688 up to 12888, depending on the situation la.. unless u r paying like 95% of the total wedding cost (including the house & reno) like me, then u mite have to force the dowry down ur in-laws throat....

This post has been edited by seather: Oct 26 2016, 12:23 PM

well bro, i think you are just not financially ready
all these should be discussed slow and calm, you should have expected

there is no way that cainis never pay dowry, and it is not just money alone, it includes jewels, wedding tables, food and gifts. (not sure what we call dowry from the male side)


my in-law last time is demanding too, my wife sided me and her being a middleman negotiated with her parent

i can afford what they requested but it is unreasonable for her family standard, probably thats why my wife sided me
result is not perfect but at least both side feel okay-ish

Hope your marriage survives.

No lah no plans to have 60 tables, I don't have that many relatives and friends. I forgo hotel because wedding guest list not so big.

On wine issue, I have some dilemnas, I not sure to buy or not, as you said the guest may not be able to finish one bottle. Do you think 1 table = 2 bottles would suffice?

Nope don't want small buffets but church wedding got. So now I headache because church hall is bare and have to source for flowers and deco - extra cost.

Well, they plan to buy some jewellery for my future wife, from my dowry. How much of it - I not certain. Could be 30% of the dowry indirectly come back to me.

Yeah I can say, the dowry is within the range you stated.

I can afford but I just felt that wedding is a sunk cost that I don't want to commit. Its the marriage I want to commit as investment. I just want a simple wedding but can't. I felt that its the parasite - restaurant, bridal house, photographer and interior designer that are sucking my money.

you gotta tell her that .. this is not your money or her money. its ours money. tell her spend so much for wedding then after that how? spend the first few years repaying that debt? life aint gonna be good like that.

Then if she say back to you, you are not prepared to be married then because wedding also you cannot afford. How leh?

And she's talking about standard wedding cost - banquet, bridal house, photographer, decorations, buffet.

No one asked you to organize a banquet amounting to 1200-1400 a table.
You invite people to your banquet with the aim they celebrate your wedding celebration with you not so they can pay for your wedding.

This post has been edited by Zoopdiidoo: Oct 26 2016, 02:47 PM

Nowadays how to get one below 1200. Very susah la.

I plan to go lower one, then relative complain say too far. I got to choose a centralize one mah.

If she says that. then you really are not prepared to be married to her and her only.
Most gals like my wife will tell her parents, pls do not complicate things. Planning a wedding is already hard enough.
Dowry, I gave my wife's side 10 tables. I discussed this with my wife and she took that and convinced her parents to take it, not the other way round like what your gf...is doing to you.

Standard wedding criteria is there but there is an option for moderation or luxury. Most hotels will already have decorations already for the wedding.
Churches in Malaysia are not those grand churches such as those in USA. Decoration for a church is wasteful as no matter how much you decorate it will still look old.
Buffet, bridal houses and photographers also has moderately priced or luxuriously priced ones. Take the former.

Your GF is a Staunch Christian you say. She should be the epitome of moderation instead of spending incessantly for things which means nothing ...she should be acting what she preach in church.

We only hear one side of the story but ffrom your story ...shows many signs you and your future wife doesn't seem compatible as life partners. You know those wedding vows you take during the church wedding? show it to your gf...and tell her...even before the wedding and as life partners she cannot even commit to any of those vows. Don't spew those vows, if she doesnt really mean it and ruin the sanctity of Marriage.

This post has been edited by Zoopdiidoo: Oct 26 2016, 03:10 PM