How do you measure the lack of response?

how long has this persisted? since kindy? have you spoken to her teachers about how's she doing in class?

how's her interaction with classmates? does she go for extracurricular activities?

got siblings? cousins? how does she interact with them?

lots of time she cant remember / totally forgets things i spent an hour to teach her the night before
nearly every single thing she need to ask how to do, cant think of her own idea

quite long time, since kindergarten
according to teacher in school & tuition centre, she's doing fine, but doesnt express her feelings well when faced with bullies from other students
the teachers mostly quite like her, A was given as behavior grade
she mix quite well with kids who treat her nicely
an elder brother, i think its like & dislike from her to him

life is really full of unexpected things
few days ago went to get an X-ray on lower back & neck
accidentally found out there are 3 stones in my right side kidney
such a great news

i had 7-8 in each kidney. haha. 3 is ok lah. just do the shock treatment thing. will piss blood for a few days though. hopefully got some insurance coverage. if not just keep drinking ural/utix lor. good luck.

do you have any symptoms?
i dont have any, if didnt went for X-ray, never will know there are stones in there
what is ural / utix ?

This post has been edited by steevan1000: Aug 17 2022, 04:15 PM

just some medication that helps break up stones so can pass naturally.

wanna know some fathers thought about this current issue

it's about the people trafficking to Cambodia

rumors spread in wechat saying that the syndicate have lots of "workers" hiding in every corners in malaysia looking / searching for victims

they will do anything to "take away" the victims to sell to Cambodia

does any of the fathers here actually worry about the safety of your family especially your kids?

how do you tackle with this danger which is possibly lurking around / near your love ones?

do you try to control / persuade / forbid them to go out door?

It is me again guys. I previously shared the challenges I was going through with my wife. And sadly, things are not much different this year. Personally I have ramped up my responsibilities in making sure I help out more with house work. However, sex is life is still non-existent. And to make it worse, she doesn't even touch me sexually, and there's absolutely no intimacy whatsoever. We do not have and deep conversations anymore. We are not going out. Nothing. No dirty talk, no jokes

And each time I ask her, she just has a defensive wall, citing tiredness, busy with work. I mean, who is not busy with work. And I do not intend to compare our workloads. Anyway, she does not initiate anything. I am actually very frustrated with all these, and I am not sure what else to. I have slowly began to understand what some men end up violating the marriage rule. We signed up for monogamy. But not for celibacy.

Our son is older now, and it is easier to manage him on our own. Although we are still sending him to the baby-sitter on the weekdays. Despite all these, she still has no mood for any husband and wife time. Next year, we will be sending our son to nursery. I can already forsee the other excuses that may come.

What should I do? Go to therapy and waste money? By the way, we're in our mid 30s, and our issues began right after having our son - only child, and wife does not want another one

We've been together since we were teenagers. I can also confirm there's no adultery involved as both of us are working from home and hardly go out.

I really feel like I am going through some kinda of mental torture at the moment. There have been nights were I have cried to bed thinking about this. Like, why do I deserve this? It gets very lonely considering that she is the one person I love with all my heart. But deeply inside, I know I cannot live like this. I am getting older, and I do not wish to waste my life by not receiving any love from my spouse. And the thought of separating is too painful because I do not wish to go through hell, and put my son through hell. He is too young, and innocent.

Any other dads out there who have been through this before? I will really appreciate if you guys could advise me. It's so lonely and I don't know who to talk to. I did try asking some female colleagues previously, without shedding much detail, and they just shoved it aside. Of course, siding a fellow woman. I am not sure if men even talk about this openly.

Your story is very very common, at least in this part of the world. Women's sex drive over here tends to go to 0.

Few options (my take):
1. Go to couple counselling, there are some free/cheap ones organised by Kementerian Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat. Can do a search
2. Find other means to relieve the urges (you need to make your call here) & maintain status quo
3. Leave

Option 3 isn't the best, most go for option 2 (with sub sub options/variables).
Option 1 needs two hands to clap, usually the women are reluctant (most asians are, cause going to counselling means got head problem)

Haihz....It kinda pisses me off that women can just sweep this under the carpet. And when things go south, blame the men.

Thank you brother. I will check out Opt 1 for now. I am not gonna lie, Opt 2 has crept up into my head many, many times but I am quite reluctant. But I am not looking to pay to 'release' which is of course the easiest option. I just want love and care. Also, I am not I judging anyone. I perfectly understand why many man go for Opt 2.

Can women comment on this thread? Anyway as a wife + mother, I understand you and your wife's situation. Maybe you need to sit her down and talk like adult and try to understand her problems. Let her talk and you don't interrupt. Then both of you come out with the solutions for the those issues. Remember compromise.

If the above matter still don't work then both you need to get sometime for a date, only 2 of you. Go for movies, dinner, shopping or a night of stay out maybe. Try to have quality time together. Normally after we have the kids we have less quality time together.

We are not you. We do not know the journey you two being through together.

But what I can know/understand is a few paragraphs you wrote above. I understand you still love your wife. But what I think is. Now you can try treat your wife as a friend or partner for now. But at the same time, you are trying to go after her to get your attention to be your girlfriend. She maybe need some sort of fresh spark that you both doing when you were young.

I'm suggesting some idea/solution. It may not work, but it worth to try. I do read a lot of women no longer feel love/sex life interest toward their husband after giving birth on Facebook mom group. Is not their fault, is because of hormone issues.

I am more than happy to hear from women, especially wives who have experienced something similar. I get you and I agree. As I have mentioned, I have tried all of the above. We have not gone on a date in like 4 years. I have tried all kinds of things. The most we have done is lunch during workdays. Which is not romantic at all...And we are unable to leave our son anywhere as we do not have any support system. Both of our parents/inlaws are not in KL/Sel - so it has been the both of us all these while. No one to jaga our son over night. It is such a painful situation.

I have also lost count of the times I have spoken to her. The latest was like two weeks ago. I am with the hope she'd initiate something. Two weeks - nothing. And I have been quite silent and sulking. Still, she is like not bothered or just avoiding.

I am very sure , many men are going through this.


I agree, and I have been doing a lot of reading on this topic lately. The most common explanation is hormonal issue and the changes a woman goes through. But what I cannot accept is that, I am being a good husband (again not expecting brownie points here), and I have expressed many times to her that she is very attractive and I yearn for her. Recently I even suggested, let's get an air bnb during the day since baby sitter can only cover during the day time, get a nice place. Spend the day the there, and let me take some sexy photos of you. My intention is to make her feel sexy again... but again, no reaction.

i notice from your replies, you mentioned a lot on intimacy/sexual topic.
maybe this is the main reason she's avoiding you, she could be thinking that you only wanna have sex & nothing else, could be the way you talk / do / act / expression.
some women after giving birth, she will feel her private part is not attractive anymore or became ugly, this feeling has huge impact on her self-esteem, so in the end causing her to change & become what she is today.

current condition she doesnt wanna talk / speak to you directly, you can use other methods of communication.
whatsapp messages (typing not voice record), emails, actual hand writing letters.
but avoid mention anything which can possibly lead to thinking of intimacy/sexual topic.

This post has been edited by steevan1000: Sep 12 2022, 10:42 AM

I agree with this part. You let us feel that we women only your sex slave and nothing else.

Try take thing naturally, like go for dating first eg movie + lunch, some massage and follow the flow. Don't make it like you purposely set it up just for that session - like you mentioned book air bnb and take sexy photos

This post has been edited by hydroboy87: Sep 13 2022, 12:24 PM

I appreciate the feedback. Both of you seem not to get it. I am not an idiot who thinks with his dick and treat women as sex slave.

This has been on going for about 4 years or so. And no - it is not about SEX. Intimacy - holding hands, hugging, watching movies together, discussing things, playing monopoly or something etc etc. Please understand what intimacy actually means.

We've been together for close to 17-18 years now. We've never had such issues before. I do agree and understand pregnancy changed a lot of things. Yet without fail I tell her how beautiful she is, text, voice notes, verbally.

Foot massages - also yes, very frequent except when things are too cold between us.

Despite explaining, the comments are still swerving towards the female. Can no one see it from a male's perspective?

do you know any of her friends?
or some of her BFF?

maybe you can ask them for some advice or ask them to help with the talking?
did you discussed this issue with her parents or her siblings?
since she clearly doesnt give you any chance of communications, you have to make the talk with her closest relatives & friends
ask those people to do the communications for you
anything you wanna convey to your wife, let those people do the job for you
until one day she opens up to you then you can slowly talk with her directly