Hi,

I know my wife since Form 6, and now we are both entering 15 years into the relationship. We are married for 6 years now, bless with a lovely daughter and currently, my wife is pregnant.

Perhaps I think it is good for me to point out this:


1) You are too busy
2) You did not spend time with her (vice-versa if she is working during the weekend)
3) You did not have me-time or too much of me-time.

Just my 2cent; even you make sure you are around the house after work or during weekends, what kind of [/B] TIME [/B] you had spent? Is it a quality one, like you are helping with the house chores ( not necessarily mean laundry), or watching TV, or whatever you guys love to do before marriage, or what makes the two of you together in the first place? Is it camping? Is it shopping? Is it trying new food? Is it gaming? Is it the children that both of you like to have around? Not everyone likes to have kids around, mind you. Perhaps you can get some sex toys and add some spice into sex life? I am not sure how you look at it, but bear in mind sex toys may be taboo for some people.

If you are sure it is due to postpartum depression, perhaps you can bring her to see a psychologist.

All in all, best wishes bro~

Yes I am busy. But no matter how busy I am, I will always give her a foot massage before she goes to bed. However this has stopped for the last couple of mths as our arguments grew..

TV yes, I did that too. I got board games, but sadly we don't have the time. Sex is like a taboo too her now. Like I said, there's zero intimacy...So sex toy is definitely a no go.
I've been asking her out for almost two years now, and she just doesn't want to.

That's why I'm really lost at the moment. It's like whatever I initiated, gets shut down.

I even tried to explain to her that the baby sitter can help to tc of our son during one of the weekends so we could go out to spend some time together. Also got a no.

I've asked her to see a psychologist, gynae etc. Everything is a no. Hence, I stopped. I don't want to end up forcing her.

Its really driving me crazy. Even this morning while I was sweeping the floor while she was in the shower, I just broke down. I feel so useless.

I am sorry to hear this bro, but take it easy. Just take it one step at the time. I cannot tell for sure why she shuts herself down like that. In order to change, first thing is to admit there is one.

"I/We don't have the time" is your main issue here

cut down on both of your busy schedules, no matter how much energy time you've spend into making their future better, it's futile if there's no one there in the future to appreciate your efforts

I've seen many cases of workaholics ruining their family becos they've spend too much time at work, too little with family, and always the excuses are "I'm working hard to earn money for your future, for this family"
but all the monies in the world aren't able to give you a happy family if you don't spend some quality time together.

If she doesn't feels like talking, start with small intimacy like holding her hand for a while, or a simple hug for a few seconds daily can do wonders in melting even the iciest heart.

try those small steps first

i see all u guys are trying to give him the "usual" advices on managing relationship but i think i know how hydroboy feels..

it's not like he lacks effort or what.. sometimes is really just the wife part... the normal things wont work anymore.. sth is holding her back.. unless he/we figure out what is holding her, everything he/we do will not work..

that's y i kinda know how he felt, bcz my situation is the same, but not as severe as his wife.. his wife now is more like total denial and rejection.. no matter how many good things u do or effort u put, to her, it doesn't solve the problem..

yes, probably deep inside her she might realise and appreciate what u did... because truth to be told, not all guys can do the same.. i have seen many families where the husband just couldn't be bothered and let the wife do everything.. but in our situation, we did all we can and in fact, can be said that we did more than what we are expected but that doesn't solve the root cause..

hence, i think... we really need to understand what is she undergoing, psychologically....

since Dad's r primary breadwinners of the house, just wanna share info from my white power supplier (aka milk formula)

price increase in April
Enfalac +3%
Friso +15%

other major brands too but i didnt bother to ask..

This post has been edited by seather: Feb 26 2021, 12:53 PM

morinaga increased since Jan 2021..... zzzz

don't be so surprised. baby essentials increase price every year

likewise for everything else... lol

Thank you for understanding bro. Still trying my best to work things out. I do understand postpartum can be painful both mentally and emotionally.

besides u, can anyone else talk to her? does she listen or speak to other ppl? she needs someone that she can talk to now.. obviously not u..

maybe her parents, friends or siblings.. someone that she is willing to open up and tell what's wrong..
then u try to talk to that person and see what can be done..

sometimes, it is just that one particular matter that holds her down..

Guys, any near mamipoko diapers grade that is cheaper? My newborn will turn reddish on his private part on Huggies diapers. Apple crumby also seems quite expensive.

You know those day care only replace his diapers once every 2 hour and my baby is a troll.

mamypoko quite affordable for the normal range.

airfit also quite cheap if bought during sales...
and bcz airfit can contain more, sometimes it is cheaper to buy airfit (normal drypers use 2 pcs but airfit only 1 pc)

so far my boy tried from the cheapest pet pet to mamypoko airfit also no problem..
closest to airfit i think like genki or huggies green colour also ok

Genki haven't try before. Huggies green was ok during my care but not for the day care.

As a first timer parent, I was quite shocked at the diapers and formulae cost. I thought diapers was like RM20+ ish per pack and formulae is around Rm80~90, but it turned out like 2X or 4X of my expectation lol. No wonder M40 and even lower T20 couldn't dine out until their kids grows.

haha now u just new born.... wearing S or M size... wait till you get XL size and your kid drinks like 8oz per meal...

that's where the real pain start..

oh ya.. reddish izit bcz you didn't use suitable cream instead? what brand of nappy cream u using?

Using Sudo cream now. Should be ok la. Just that, the day care dont care one lo. Their brain already set to change diapers every 2 hour.

My baby always like to pee or poop during or right after diaper change one. Sometimes need to change 2 diapers at 1 single diaper change 😑😑

oh sudo cream is fine... best bang for buck imo..

then your day care really sux.. that's probably the main reason instead of diaper problem..

I use Apple Crumby, Dryper Touch combo. Recently bought another new brand Miezuu. Ppl comment good for overnight soak up all the peeeee!

Only buy Applecrumby from laz/pee during sales. my daughter currently 5 months old.

This post has been edited by NightFelix: Mar 16 2021, 12:53 PM

Apple crumby definitely good stuff but super expensive for me. I think I'll just stick to mamipoko airfit and Huggies Ultra (green) in the meantime.

Kasi chan la.. I'm young parent, not 20k earner lol.