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Serious ...::: Long Distance Relationship Version 13:::..., The LDR Fellowship and Advice Thread

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Captain89
post May 13 2020, 07:00 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 01:30 AM)
Hi fellow cupids,

How do u maintain a relationship where your gf/bf is in another state? Im in KL but she's in Ipoh atm.

How was your past experience marrying someone from different states?

She's studying atm but gonna graduate soon, then I might ask her to stay with me in KL. But the problem is she's a soon to be doctor, so gvt might post her to other hospitals not in KL sad.gif
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You still have a long time with her don’t worry much. Plan slowly. After she finish her study, she will have a year break before she get a post in hospital

You can spend that 1 year with her, consider staying in lol

This post has been edited by Captain89: May 13 2020, 07:01 PM
InitialB
post May 13 2020, 10:07 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 06:35 PM)
lel take kesah state ke country ke if cannot meet face to face is already LDR sad.gif
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Yes it is LDR like you said.

Just trust each other is the remedy.

If just state, if you missed her, go visit her.

Take extra initiatives she will be grateful and appreciate you.
TSspunkberry
post May 14 2020, 04:38 AM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 11:41 AM)
We are young, early 20s who are focusing on our careers sad.gif

I cant relocate to her place nor does she...
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I mean you don't have to do it now, but you have to plan for the future if you want to end up together. Maybe when you're ready to change jobs, you start looking at where she is or vice versa, that sort of thing. If neither of you are willing to move or sacrifice things in your life to be together, then it's not going to end well
kesvani
post May 14 2020, 10:43 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 11:41 AM)
We are young, early 20s who are focusing on our careers sad.gif

I cant relocate to her place nor does she...
*
money/career over relationship, i see this relation going no where

QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 11:40 AM)
Long term is to marry of course

Man damn either of us wouldn't budge because we put career ahead of anything, I cant just find work in Sabah all of a sudden if she's posted there
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If she willing to support you financially they move with her unless you jenis maruah tercabar type
Bearberry
post May 17 2020, 01:56 PM

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Hello everyone!

I’m currently in my second LDR (3 months in). We were in the same town for more than a year before he left.

Just a little introduction, my current boyfriend is few years younger than me and he is currently out of the country for studies/training which requires a huge commitment for a year or so then he will work in that country for many years to come.

Our future is still kinda vague in the sense that we have not really talked about it because he is technically still ‘studying’. I hope I can see him face-to-face in the real world, not virtually.

This post has been edited by Bearberry: May 17 2020, 05:32 PM
deyamato
post May 17 2020, 04:37 PM

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Our communication getting dull now, sometime always think of how we get through this dilemma in the future should i move to her place or my place settle down. lol.

This year is 2nd year together, unfortunately i cant travel during uncertain period.

.

This post has been edited by deyamato: May 18 2020, 03:07 PM
myself379
post May 17 2020, 05:35 PM

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QUOTE(tonYe @ Dec 9 2019, 10:53 AM)
Without any sign or warning, my girlfriend just ended our 8-year relationship after just 1 month in New Zealand.

Angmo power.
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boss notworthy.gif I feel you cry.gif

I don't dare to say I have the same scenario as yours as my case was not an official relationship.

My side of story:

For me I feel outrageous and betrayed at that time. (Our time difference was 11 hours)

Fixed myself up, go get a job, continue do the things I liked, completed degree, get self busy.

There are times I keep thinking "was I not brave?" "was I a loser?"

I don't think is fair to blame anyone, I think is the environment that changed the way we behaved.

It become a questions to me for 5 years. FIVE freaking years. I was like "why? why?!? why she choose him? why why?" "What went wrong?" "How am I not brave enough?"

I feel like the longest programming debug I did sweat.gif


Afterwards, she reconciled with me. We exchanged our thoughts and feelings. She said she feel awkward and was not ready, she DO see the effort I put into (key-point).

In the end, angmo or banana man or money man or muscle man, we're all the same. It just the environment is like that. It's not that she fell for angmo and ditched you. Its the instinct, impulse that drives us.

I'm glad I get rejected, because I was forced to learn, forced to change myself

I'm glad it was a lesson for me to grow, it was not easy (I have financial and family difficulties during that time)

I'm glad I have a good emotionally support from my parents

Her point-of-view:
- She feel awkward
- She was not ready to commit
- She DO see the effort that I did

My point-of-view:
- "was I not brave?"
- "was I a loser?"
- "why? why?!? why she choose him? why why?"
- "What went wrong?"
- "How am I not brave enough?"
- "It is because I'm broke?"

tl;dr version

Don't dwell into the past, move forward; occasionally is fine to reflect on the mistakes
Do NOT ever ever blame and revenge. You'll just dig your own grave if you do so
Find something to fill the gap, like workout for body, or self-learn for new job
Put effort in, when you have the chance with the person you're interested in, no matter how stupid or how small it is
Pray for their success. Yes, one of the way to let go. Not sarcastic-pray arrrrr bruce.gif. Pray sincerely
Quazacolt
post May 18 2020, 01:22 AM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Nov 22 2019, 02:56 AM)
no LDRs going on huh? lol
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Since my marriage and MCO I've been staying with my now wife wub.gif

Still haven't find a place to settle down in KL though so once I'm required to return to office, I'll be back to LDR
Quazacolt
post May 18 2020, 01:26 AM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ May 13 2020, 11:40 AM)

Man damn either of us wouldn't budge because we put career ahead of anything, I cant just find work in Sabah all of a sudden if she's posted there
*
Then it'll end sour

My advice is when there's a will there a way, and that applies to both of you.
Quazacolt
post May 18 2020, 01:29 AM

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QUOTE(Bearberry @ May 17 2020, 01:56 PM)
Our future is still kinda vague in the sense that we have not really talked about it because he is technically still ‘studying’. I hope I can see him face-to-face in the real world, not virtually.
*
Can you wait?
Time waits for no one.
Bearberry
post May 18 2020, 12:17 PM

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QUOTE(Quazacolt @ May 18 2020, 01:29 AM)
Can you wait?
Time waits for no one.
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Good question. For now, I still can wait but our future is so grey now i can barely see it tbh. I guess I should start asking him once he has completed his training which is like in another year or so.

This post has been edited by Bearberry: May 18 2020, 12:24 PM
Quazacolt
post Sep 17 2020, 06:14 AM

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anyone closed that distance gap during MCO? laugh.gif
Oklahoma
post Oct 29 2020, 11:06 AM

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idk I met her and we've been together for a few months now but problem is she is in another state, which makes me sad..

And also I can't see her during the CMCO because I cant travel interstate..

I slowly feel like giving up...

Long-distance really cannot tahan..

How do you maintain long-distance sad.gif
Zenith5229
post Oct 29 2020, 11:23 AM

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You don't .
Oklahoma
post Oct 29 2020, 11:24 AM

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QUOTE(Zenith5229 @ Oct 29 2020, 11:23 AM)
You don't .
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U don't what? Dont cheat? Or don't maintain a long distance?
Zenith5229
post Oct 29 2020, 11:31 AM

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Speaking personally , imo if you two had just been together for a few months . Your relationship could very well be not strong enough to sustain the weeks / months of being away from each other in a LDR .

I see no point maintaining such relationship as both is still at a point where we can still "cabut" , since the "investment" isn't heavy yet be it mentally / financially and etc .

Don't take offense to what i said , because if you are steel willed and your partner is too . You won't ask this question here . That's why i suggest the above .

TLDR : Why waste both's time if you are frustrated and she very well be too .
Sasuke95
post Oct 29 2020, 02:34 PM

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QUOTE(Zenith5229 @ Oct 29 2020, 11:31 AM)
Speaking personally , imo if you two had just been together for a few months . Your relationship could very well be not strong enough to sustain the weeks / months of being away from each other in a LDR .

I see no point maintaining such relationship as both is still at a point where we can still "cabut" , since the "investment" isn't heavy yet be it mentally / financially and etc .

Don't take offense to what i said , because if you are steel willed and your partner is too . You won't ask this question here . That's why i suggest the above .

TLDR : Why waste both's time if you are frustrated and she very well be too .
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i can vouch for this, had a quick win with a girl for around 1 month, it's lovey dovey, felt like "the one", and did everything a couple would do, soon after she need to go oversea for work, we parted sadly and doesnt wish to leave each other.

first month of LDR still ok, i'm a steel willed person, and its just a few months so i think its no big deal, i can endure it

but problems start to come 2nd month onwards, spark is starting to lose on her side (but not mine), im still behaving as before, but she seemed slowly become more and more unresponsive, even want to avoid face time, over the course of few months i confronted at one point as i wonder why she's not eager to see me in facetime when that's the only option we can see each other

then as always i get excuses bla bla, at the end managed to wait for her to comeback, we dated immediately, but i realized she doesnt want to hold hands, play phone in front of me instead of talking to each other, then i realized it's lost cause and i finally wants to pull out, then she realized im leaving and wanted to get me back, round and round it goes, but eventually it didnt work out

TLDR - yes, LDR kills, no matter how wonderful it is before LDR
Disclaimer - i personally met quite a few couple who's been in LDR for YEARS but not months, highest record 7 years, they're still strong, i guess it takes 2 steel willed person to make it work, not just one
J1g54w
post Oct 29 2020, 04:55 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ Oct 29 2020, 11:06 AM)
idk I met her and we've been together for a few months now but problem is she is in another state, which makes me sad..

And also I can't see her during the CMCO because I cant travel interstate..

I slowly feel like giving up...

Long-distance really cannot tahan..

How do you maintain long-distance  sad.gif
*
Just break up and move on.
Pakatan SinMa Plus
post Oct 29 2020, 05:44 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ Oct 29 2020, 11:06 AM)
idk I met her and we've been together for a few months now but problem is she is in another state, which makes me sad..

And also I can't see her during the CMCO because I cant travel interstate..

I slowly feel like giving up...

Long-distance really cannot tahan..

How do you maintain long-distance  sad.gif
*
Video call + chatting. Accumulate annual leaves + money, to travel and meet her.
Captain89
post Oct 29 2020, 10:50 PM

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QUOTE(Oklahoma @ Oct 29 2020, 11:06 AM)
idk I met her and we've been together for a few months now but problem is she is in another state, which makes me sad..

And also I can't see her during the CMCO because I cant travel interstate..

I slowly feel like giving up...

Long-distance really cannot tahan..

How do you maintain long-distance  sad.gif
*
I’m having the problem as you now. Well don’t rush and do anything crazy. Don’t give up yet

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