A loan is not he solution. I've said it before, do not start a married life in debt. We sometimes thing that a loan is normal in today's society. But trust me, when it accumulates, that's when you will have arguments with your husband. It's not uncommon to see couples argue because of financial issues.

So, be firm and tell you parents, you will give when you have the funds and ask them to see and respect you as a daughter and not as someone to recover childhood expenses from. Remember to tell them you love them at the end of it. That will soften the blow.

If they choose not to attend your wedding because you did not give their required ping kam, then sad as it may be, so be it. At least you stand by your principal. Most important, your decisions must be without regret. When you have regret, that's when you will feel guilty.

I personally do not want to be held ransom to what I should or should not do for my wedding. It is MY WEDDING and if parents cannot respect that, then it's ok for me if they don't attend. I don't want people who are angry and bitter to attend my wedding anyway.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Aug 23 2010, 11:59 AM

good one!

i too would not invite people who i dislike (but pressured by parents who want them to attend) to my wedding....

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Added on August 23, 2010, 1:17 pmbtw, i want to ask: generally, shouldn't a couple settle with the ping kam discussion before the ROM date?

This post has been edited by leongal: Aug 23 2010, 01:17 PM

Generally, yes .... but if there is no conclusion from either side of the family, then the final decision rest with the both of you. You decide what is best and stick to your decision. Do not be fickle minded and be swayed by emotions and opinions.

thanks for the opinion...was asking because one of my friends are registering the marriage soon without the parents totally agreed on the ping kam yet, wonder if there will be complications later....anyway, just a concern....

as for myself, can't wait for september to come, both parents are likely to sit down to discuss (although mum agreed the price with my bf)

2888 max only..??
maybe cant get u a kancil down payment oso. hahha
sorry just joking...

5k is good.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when people try to measure love with money, be it a husband-wife love or parents-child love.

I'm not going to give any ping-kum to marry my gf.. this is just a plain bullshit in our generation. And not going to set up a wedding dinner with alot of aunties uncles yum-seng around and sing/yell on the stage.. this is simply a nightmare..

always remember, don't follow any tradition that doesn't make any sense in current generation

this kind of situation..very hard to gao tim one..especially when guys/girls' parents are picky (not mean TS ahhh) and yes..as a guy..we have to save money gao gao before going to the family building stage..go do some part time few years before getting married..need plan for few years one lo..

if your husband rich then got ntg to say lo..but if you husband can't afford, then he should plan few years earlier ady..but now, cant blame both parties, there always a reason when they said something..

i oso donno what to suggest as lots of ppl already told you here..what would i suggest is..be patient and both of you have to settle this calmly..this is your first challenge of the beginning of your journey, so take it bravely..what we can do is wish all the best and may you have a smooth and happy wedding!



not only balak king... pepper king oso..





This post has been edited by Xrlckclj3nX: Aug 26 2010, 01:08 AM

nice, i have a problem now
my gf parents ask abt same amount as yours, a roasted pig, 2 vsop, 50-100 boxes cakes, 3-5 tables. and said, probably not enough.

they also said no money buy gold for her, dont want do buffet for her, basically dont want use to use any money on her.
and there will totally no generous or no refund of the money. all my friends got almost all back. their parent just take for the sake of tradition only.

this will sum up to about 8k-10k alone. i need to fork it out myself.
total for wedding will cost about 40k at least, which include bedroom set, rings, photography, angpows and dinner.

if you wonder why my gf doesnt have money, her parent doesnt help her/give her money to save since young. it is so totally different to their son.
she still have to pay loan for her study, she live outside working, during college time pocket money also not enough, which i covered for her.
also please note they treat their daughter in very traditional daughter way.


it is not like i am not willing to give much, but they dont understand what did they give to her daughter ? which make me reluctant to follow they request.
they did not consider we need to fork out a lot of money, they only considered themselves. yes financial ability is much better than them but money are not meant to spent that way.

to me they are just selfish, very selfish. i never see parent who give empty hand when children open house/wedding.
my friends gf parent helps in financial and non financial when they buy/move house. which they never do so, furthermore complaint and talk cock when we finished our renovation like the house belonged to them.

so on fire and complaint like nobody business.

Well, yesterday jz hear a story from fren.. the girl's family request RM10k for the ping kam n same like ur case.. their family didnt help/foot the cost for the buffet n etc.. everything settle by the couple themselves.. their parent jz took everything

IMO, dis whole ping kam tradition shud b abolish.
it's stupid & always brings out problem.....

if less, people say "so stingy? daughter so cheap?"
if more it will burden the guy & will giv the impression, "so ur daughter can value by $ & can be sold....."

IMO, it shud b done as a practice only, not seriously take the money.
eg, guy family giv 'ping kam' 10k, den girl's family 'wui lai' 9999.

This post has been edited by tech3910: Mar 18 2011, 07:53 PM

somehow i feel, parents DO make things complicated for their children who want to have a simple wedding, and sometimes their demand can be burdening to their children, without looking into future consequences....for the sake of their EGO

true, i agree with u mate. oversea marriage or simply ROM ceremony with witnesses at church followed by simply catering buffet will be good enough for me.

i believe the ping kum thing is like a insurance to the wife, in case anything happens and she is left alone. i dont mind giving that, the wedding dinner is nightmare

This post has been edited by ati radeon: Mar 18 2011, 07:42 PM

cheer up bro! i havent "discuss" yet but i have a feeling mine will cost more!

btw, when wanna create an FB account for me to add you

hahaa knn long time no see, after u discuss share some tips.
when is ur wedding, pm me, mine probably on october if i have enough juice.

Okay, this is a very common dilemma for most couples getting married. If you have the money and willing to accept such "extortion" then just swallow it up. It's only one in a lifetime thingie. After the wedding then you can just ignore the in-laws.

However, if you are unable to take it AND with agreement from your GF/wife to be, then don't pay them all they want. At first, negotiate NICELY. Say stuffs like not enough money and need to repay loan and commitment and most importantly...need to save up for future baby. Now the secret weapon is BABY. Say diapers, milk powder and so on are all expensive. Including needing to invest in insurance for the child's future. You only want the best for your kids. Hehe..they have to agree else it will looks like they are bad grandparents. If nice negotiation fail then it's time for war. Tell them downright, this is what you are going to provide...list them out. Take it or leave it. If they refuse then say will go for vacation wedding or only 1 sided wedding dinner. But to do this, you must have 100% support from your wife-to-be. Or else it won't work.

Goodluck.

Depends on family & upbringing also. Personally me and my gf (who i'm planning to propose to but haven't gotten round to), we're lucky cos both sides parents are happy-go-lucky and not the meddling type, so I foresee we'll have a lot of say in what we want to do.

But I have friends, particularly those whose parents are big businesspeople - these, I kind of pity cos literally speaking the wedding dinner isn't a wedding dinner anymore. It's literally a "Business Dinner hosted by the parents for their friends to celebrate their son/daughter marriage."

That's why, I told my bf, no chinese traditional marriage like PLEASE !!
Ping Gam, Ang pau, Wedding Dinner, Open Door Ang pau for Ji mui and bla bla bla, waste so much $$$ doing the same old boring thing, such a big big waste !!
Especially the Chinese Wedding dinner, expensive, food so-so only, I cook myself for them more good...
And the most stupidest part, AH PEK & AUNTIE KARAOKE, waffak !! Damn annoying ....

Haha this one quite fun mah no meh? get to see your groom's hing dai do all sorts of stupid things. it's the only time in your life that you say what they do what without question lol

(ok well strictly speaking the bride doesn't actually get to see anything cos she's hidden away. but got photographer and videographer later on!)

It's fun when if the games are very silly and fun.
But my friends/bestie eyes are like this ($.$)
One of my friend get married and we're the jimui, ang pau rm250 each person and we have 4, I think it's already cukup.

Too bad, one my of friend complain ang pau too small, groom too kiam siap, I too easy satisfy blah blah blah.
I thought wedding are mean to be fun, happy and memorable ?
But why is chinese ppl see MONEY so big already

Therefore to avoid that, it's better that I dont want it.
Just a simple wedding, I dont want to spend over 30k just to tell ppl, I'M MARRIED where after few months, no one will remember it.