Different people has different incomes with different commitments and priorities. 6k may not be a lot to you, but it is to some. So, unless we are in their shoes, we are in no position to say 6k isn't a lot. Even a simple non glamorous wedding can be meaningful.

TS, using my wedding as my example, ping kam is also used by your family to pay for the no of tables they intend to have during your wedding dinner. For example, if you have 50 tables (25 his side / 25 your side) your family will be paying for their side of the table. But bear in mind, only relatives tables are counted. Hence, you can roughly estimate the no of relatives you have. For example, if you have around 30 family members, you will need 3 tables just for your family and relatives. So, if the venue is roughly RM1.5k per table, then your family will use RM4.5k from the ping kam to pay for the dinner. So, if you give RM6k, they have about RM1.5k to use for all other expenses. It is not uncommon for the bride's family to fork out some money as well. Not evreything is paid for by the groom on contrary belief.

Not sure if this is the norm. It is hard to please both side, but I would that at the end of the day, do not burst the budget of your wedding. Normally, sure burst, but don't exceed a certain percentage. And this budget is combined the both of you, not all him alone. Use within your means, don't try to please everyone and end up starting a married life with so much debt.

Because most of them are balak king there .... sure rich mah

Then you have to be firm with your parents. Tell them you love them and that it is not out of disrespect for not following their wishes. Times have change, and although traditions does not necessary have to be changed, they need to be flexible. Ask them, if you date 10 good men, and all good men also cannot afford their requested 'ping kam', does that mean you can't get married?

You have to put it to them gently, but put your foot down. But if you want to be mean, be sarcastic and ask them, "Did you raise me up because you love me or because I was just an asset for you to sell off?"

A loan is not he solution. I've said it before, do not start a married life in debt. We sometimes thing that a loan is normal in today's society. But trust me, when it accumulates, that's when you will have arguments with your husband. It's not uncommon to see couples argue because of financial issues.

So, be firm and tell you parents, you will give when you have the funds and ask them to see and respect you as a daughter and not as someone to recover childhood expenses from. Remember to tell them you love them at the end of it. That will soften the blow.

If they choose not to attend your wedding because you did not give their required ping kam, then sad as it may be, so be it. At least you stand by your principal. Most important, your decisions must be without regret. When you have regret, that's when you will feel guilty.

I personally do not want to be held ransom to what I should or should not do for my wedding. It is MY WEDDING and if parents cannot respect that, then it's ok for me if they don't attend. I don't want people who are angry and bitter to attend my wedding anyway.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Aug 23 2010, 11:59 AM

Generally, yes .... but if there is no conclusion from either side of the family, then the final decision rest with the both of you. You decide what is best and stick to your decision. Do not be fickle minded and be swayed by emotions and opinions.