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 Argument on Ping Kam, Chinese Wedding Custom/Tradition

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andrekua
post Mar 16 2010, 05:48 AM

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QUOTE(paranoid @ Mar 15 2010, 09:56 PM)
6K is demanding eh..  it's not really wise to stay stubborn and insist on such high amount of money, sell daughter meh? 6K is a lot even if your future husband is from a better-than-average family.

it's just a number anyway. it's going to affect the relationship between both your families, you and your in-laws in the many years to come if this isn't handled properly.

good luck!
*
6k is not a lot, though my wife's parent is okay with 5k. The bride side need to buy a lot of things and most importantly, need to buy a pair of ring for both of you, and for the bride, earings, bracelet, necklace or more if they are rich. Some people deliberately ask for 20k and then return 10-15k during gua dai lai cos wanna make like their daughter married a rich guy.

p.s During my wedding, gold price only USD800++, now close to USD1200

This post has been edited by andrekua: Mar 16 2010, 05:49 AM
vey99
post Mar 16 2010, 06:48 AM

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so how, call it off liao?

find a guy who can give more ping kam?

then confirm is jual anak liao

make sure to get at least 15-20K yo, parents of TS.
B@rt
post Mar 16 2010, 08:46 AM

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I remember giving 8888+10tables+pig+2 bottles of XO+all the other stuff as ping kam but seriously though I would say not to worry so much as you'll get back the money in ang pau when u cham cha and wedding dinner.

This post has been edited by B@rt: Mar 16 2010, 08:48 AM
tomato_mei
post Mar 16 2010, 10:02 AM

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easy la, secretly ask ur bf give RM6 k to ur parents & hiding this from your in law parents lor..but to be frank, RM6k is not big amount lor..my bro's in law parents requested RM50k leh about 5 yrs ago yet my family aint rich also..but what to do since girl's family requested already..sometimes this very susah de..will cause big arguements for the new married couples & somemore after married both side parents not contacting each others 1..js like my family & my bro's in law family...but the most important is new married couple happy ma..hope this help!!!
vey99
post Mar 16 2010, 11:48 AM

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QUOTE(tomato_mei @ Mar 16 2010, 10:02 AM)
easy la, secretly ask ur bf give RM6 k to ur parents & hiding this from your in law parents lor..but to be frank, RM6k is not big amount lor..my bro's in law parents requested RM50k leh about 5 yrs ago yet my family aint rich also..but what to do since girl's family requested already..sometimes this very susah de..will cause big arguements for the new married couples & somemore after married both side parents not contacting each others 1..js like my family & my bro's in law family...but the most important is new married couple happy ma..hope this help!!!
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congrats. u start ur merrid life a poor ass.
applemint
post Mar 18 2010, 10:42 AM

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to be frank....normally girl's family will not request for the amount of ping kam...and the groom's family will know normally how much to give will be better or looks a bit "DAI TAI".... but frankly speaking when u know the amount is RM2888 the maximum....seems like a bit.....stingy....no offense....just this is what in my mind......


Added on March 18, 2010, 10:50 amanother thing i'm curious that if your future in-law already willing to give money after the wedding..why don't they give it before wedding since it will make your parents happier ..they give it earlier...doesn't mean that ur parents will definitely use all of it for wedding stuff...i'm sure ur parents are wise enough in choose appropriate item....for what i see actually at the first place they are not planning or willing to give that amount of money as ping kam...after wedding...it will like just a personal loan to your family?

This post has been edited by applemint: Mar 18 2010, 10:50 AM
slushie
post Mar 18 2010, 04:22 PM

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RM6k? My mom told me the "standard ping gam" right now is approximately RM10k. =S

my cousin's gf's family even requested for RM15k.. but that was too much
cheerioet
post Mar 26 2010, 05:19 PM

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for me, i do not think that 6k is high for ping kam. as for parents, they might ask for this price not only for covering expenses during the wedding, but maybe testing to check if your future hubby has been saving for wedding or not?
those who actually save for wedding, will sure be able to take out 6k easily and i had heard some even asked for 10k, so 6k is just still not high.
if you felt it looks not so nice as like your parents selling daughter, just what is they demanding for 6k purpose...
my personal opinion is, if my parents asked my future hubby to pay 6k for ping kam, and he could not afford it, even though we had dated for 8 years, and he has been working for more than 8 years, then this kind of man, you should consider if he is worth loving. he didnt even know how to save for his future life and future family, meaning, no family planning, no future planning, meaning, in rainy days, you got to fork out your own even if it's necessary for you to borrow money because he do not have saving.
say that i m materialistic or i m money minded, but the guy who cannot afford to take out 6k for 8 years relationship and getting to married, is showing me one sign, which is the guy is not financially secure and he do not have planning.
wangpr
post Mar 26 2010, 05:42 PM

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Dont marry if no money.............................

I am too poor to get marry...... cry.gif sad.gif

Any gal who is orphanage.........i want u ?


Chester
post Mar 27 2010, 08:46 AM

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QUOTE(cheerioet @ Mar 26 2010, 05:19 PM)
for me, i do not think that 6k is high for ping kam. as for parents, they might ask for this price not only for covering expenses during the wedding, but maybe testing to check if your future hubby has been saving for wedding or not?
those who actually save for wedding, will sure be able to take out 6k easily and i had heard some even asked for 10k, so 6k is just still not high.
if you felt it looks not so nice as like your parents selling daughter, just what is they demanding for 6k purpose...
my personal opinion is, if my parents asked my future hubby to pay 6k for ping kam, and he could not afford it, even though we had dated for 8 years, and he has been working for more than 8 years, then this kind of man, you should consider if he is worth loving. he didnt even know how to save for his future life and future family, meaning, no family planning, no future planning, meaning, in rainy days, you got to fork out your own even if it's necessary for you to borrow money because he do not have saving.
say that i m materialistic or i m money minded, but the guy who cannot afford to take out 6k for 8 years relationship and getting to married, is showing me one sign, which is the guy is not financially secure and he do not have planning.
*
I think you got it really wrong there. U have to take into account that they guy is also paying for a car and a house(assuming that they guy have planning, just like what you want laugh.gif ), and people get married at an average age of 28, maybe? Means only a few years of working experience. A guy might be able e to take out the amount easily from his saving, but it sure is a blow this his financial because he only work for a freaking 5 or 6 years and are paying car/house. Unless he come from a rich background, then there is nothing to discuss here.

This post has been edited by Chester: Mar 27 2010, 08:48 AM
damonlbs
post Mar 27 2010, 12:02 PM

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after hearing all these stories sweat.gif

no wonder lah


More getting married later or not at all
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=...7574&sec=nation

KUALA LUMPUR: Fewer Malaysian men and women want to tie the knot now compared with 10 years ago.

A recent survey by the National Population and Family Development Board on trends between 2000 and 2007 indicated that the average marriage age of marrying Malaysians would increase to 33 years by 2015 or they may choose not to get married at all.

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


cheerioet
post Mar 27 2010, 09:51 PM

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I am sure he did not buy the house by his own, sure is a joint account to pay for the housing loan, so fair enough, if he claimed that he had to spare money for housing, but, he also had to bear in mind, if he is not from a moderate or quite good background, why the girl parents asked for 6k? and i work for 3 years, and i can saved for more than 6k.
please, do not say that the guy pay all for those bridal wedding photos, those honeymoon...as i believe, those are mutual understanding to share for the payment.
so, why cant afford to pay 6k?
juz ask the guy parents to ask themselves, they are juz stingy...
my two cents...
karenapril
post Mar 27 2010, 10:59 PM

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Aiyah, the parents of the guy really handle the things poorly by simply by already prejudicing over the TS parents. They think is expensive then sit down properly and talk to the in laws why put the son and future daughter in law in the middle? Asking a future husband and wife to take sides, are they trying to rip them apart? It just shown that they in-laws are not even using their old wise mind properly and not thinking about their son marriage at all. Imagine next time some argument happens again, the husband and wife will be forced to choose sides as well, that is simply the beginning of in-laws feuds which unfortunately will wreck marriages (i seen it in my family). In Asian families you don't only marry a person but you marry the whole family, failure to balance these two clans will results in huge amount of stress and cause a lot of arguments between husband and wife.
Think about it, it isn't just about the ping kam it is about how both families handle problems and their tolerance with each others. Plus, the future husband is a bit cowardly, pushing the future wife to choose between new in-laws and her own parents. I bet he won't side TS or stand up for her when she get into troubles with his mother in the future. Good luck girl!
roxxor89
post Mar 28 2010, 02:07 PM

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Maybe off topic...but i got my malay colleague to read pages 1-3 and she said we chinese spend money on marriage as if we're buying a low end NEW car tongue.gif ...

This post has been edited by roxxor89: Mar 28 2010, 02:08 PM
shadow_0
post Mar 29 2010, 09:49 AM

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QUOTE(cheerioet @ Mar 27 2010, 09:51 PM)
I am sure he did not buy the house by his own, sure is a joint account to pay for the housing loan, so fair enough, if he claimed that he had to spare money for housing, but, he also had to bear in mind, if he is not from a moderate or quite good background, why the girl parents asked for 6k? and i work for 3 years, and i can saved for more than 6k.
please, do not say that the guy pay all for those bridal wedding photos, those honeymoon...as i believe, those are mutual understanding to share for the payment.
so, why cant afford to pay 6k?
juz ask the guy parents to ask themselves, they are juz stingy...
my two cents...
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Just some opinion....
A lot of people are different. I have known a lot of married couples, which the guy pay for ALL THE EXPENSES. Which means, the bridal photo, honey moon, and some even have to pay for the wedding dinner if their family can't support them. And actually, some of them also pay for the housing and car loan alone.

If you got no housing or car loan, saving up 6K is easy. However, if you got some other stuff, then 6K is a lot. If the guy has to support his family (maybe parent too old to work already), then most likely he can't even save any money at all.

On top of that, 6K is NOT ENOUGH for a wedding. Wedding photo easily cost around 3K~6K, honey moon can cost around 2K~20K depending on location, and PING KAM? How about "Ga lui beng", the other MISC ang pau (would cost around 1K), money for "guo dai li" stuff (pig? XO?). How about new furniture? New car? New house? Renovation fees?

After all, it would depends on how demanding is the bride.


In KL, an average wedding would easily cost the groom 20K...
RayKazansky
post Mar 29 2010, 09:58 AM

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QUOTE(NaiveLady @ Feb 18 2010, 07:20 PM)
I am getting married soon after 8 years of dating. However, parents from both family can't agree on certain things.

My parents & relatives informed the "ping kam" should be abt RM6K and requested for a piggy. They informed that that is the rate in KL. My parents told me because we're not rich, thus the money (instead of forking out our own money) served as financial aid to help them purchase essential items required for the wedding celebrations such as gold. It also will show what is my value & whether my future husband family is stingy or not. Actually, what are the things that bride's family have to buy for wedding?
However, my future in-law said my parents request is too high and they prefer to pay RM888/RM1888/RM2888 (Just a sign of good luck (hou yi tou). Reasons given is they are not buying a daughter-in-law & they want everything to be simple. They thought we want “face” and reputation is the reason behind it. They prefer give money to us (after wedding i guess) rather than wasting it to buy those wedding things. They are not rich but not poor either. My future husband is on his family side and persuading me to accept his parents proposal.

I am torn in between and we quarrel about this. Should I:
- Persuade parents to accept lesser "ping kam"?
- Persuade future husband to give RM6K ?

BTW, what are the average rate of "ping kam" given nowadays? I know some of my friends were lucky because their wife's parents didn't request for ping kam.
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My mom in law was quite flexible because, if she accepts too much, it would look as if she is selling off her daughter. So, for my case, we settle at a very relaxed figure and both parents also very chin-chai.

Most importantly, it is not the quantity, but more of quality. No point of having RM 18,888.00 if the marriage can last only few years. (many couples separated especially those from high income family). People nowadays are losing values and tend to be more materialistic. There is nothing to be ashame of if the figure is small.

Just my 2 cents. smile.gif
nichole2400
post Mar 31 2010, 05:25 PM

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i dun think is matter of respect or not. wut is the point request for 20k n return 15k again later? is juz about status i guess n when chat wit those uncle aunty will gain u more status as u worth 20k. lol.

like wise, most of the girl r highly educated nowadays n not relying the husband and we might even give our own parents some money each month.

at the end juz depend on urself n ur hubby. dun let both of ur parents become an obstacle. if they do force upon it, dun get married first until pregnant. then all thing can be very well negotiate. lol.
Pennywise
post Apr 2 2010, 09:30 AM

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Wah, KL only 6k? That is cheap la... Your boyfriend who loves you should do something about this than letting you, the lady worried about it. Does your boyfriend really want to marry you or not? It's a one time request from your family also cannot fulfill... then future how? All your in-law take control? Your life... habis!

Sorry, not scaring you but I really do feel that the man should do something about it. and RM6k is a SMALL amount no joke. I thought standard is RM10k?
Scissorshand
post Apr 4 2010, 11:41 AM

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In Vietnam, its affordable average abt 5kgs of rice, piglet and RM1000 onli, i luv Vietnamese girls, too bad i can't speak
Th3D3vil
post Apr 4 2010, 04:10 PM

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Work it out for an amount in between.
10k is the normal rate in KL.

There is no such thing as 888,1888 or 2888 or wat ever called as hou yi tou. Else, get your future husband to fork out secretly.

Marriage is once in a lifetime. Not child play. If your future husband can't manage such small matter, how can be dependent on him?

Else dun get marry..it's a big ocean out there.
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