Just a simple wedding, I dont want to spend over 30k just to tell ppl, I'M MARRIED where after few months, no one will remember it.

Haha status update in FB enough already. Then anyone who needs to know you're married will know ...

my brother just married few months ago, his mother in law asked 10k for "ping kam". really speechless. do they need this much?

heard from friend, one of our ex-schoolmate faced the same situation as TS. In the end, she fork out the Ping Kam from her own account.

To me, it's not the money that matters, since 6K is not really that much. Is whether your future "family" is willing to take you as one of them and give out unconditionally.
When they can be so calculative over Ping Kam, you already know what's waiting ahead for you.

Sometimes, the amount of Ping Kam the girl's parents ask for is not because they see their daughther as an "investment transfer". They are actually testing the guys & also his family, testing the way they will treat their daughter.
More often or not, the girl's parent will only take part of the Ping Kam ( like 888, 2888) & the remaining they wil give back to the daughther, so that she got some money in hand if anything happpens in the future

I understand your situation (although I'm a guy). I am lucky that this didn't happen to me when I was getting married (instead, my mother-in-law only took small part of the given ping kam as hou yi tou)

Maybe I'm biased, and I'm on your hubby family side.. or rather I don't really like Chinese tradition and the social norm - they REALLY like to compare (everything, from the location, amount of ping kam, wedding photographer yada yada). I think that couples should just spend what they can afford rather than overspending just to prove that the husband is not stingy.

Parents sometimes have to understand that they demand a lot of money from their future son-in-law, but end up both daughter and son-in-law suffering

Anyway... I suggest the following:

- Try talking to your parents (yes, unluckily it IS your responsibility since they are your parents), explaining that both of you have already spent a lot and why at this moment it isn't feasible to give 6k. Do not say provoking statements like "It's not selling daughter" though

- Try to propose something that you and your hubby can afford. Maybe something like 2888 or 3888

- To be frank, 6k isn't that much. But as you're both short of cash, maybe ask your parents if your hubby can pay that 6k some time later instead of now. Otherwise, go for Personal Loan

I hope it helps, and I wish you all the best

question.

what do we guys have to give to the parents during 'guo dai lai'?

both of our parents are the super casual type. and her parents are not taking the pork and all the fancy2 stuff as my wife is of mixed parentage

or i just pass them a cheque??

and no. it is just a small amount of appreciation. not until rm10k

wen i get married, i wont b following chinese custom, tradition & rules....

if my parents in law ask for ping kam, i'll say no.
i just bare all the wedding fees, & dats dat.

if dey insist wan ping kam, i'll say...."ok, since u put it dis way, meaning u selling ur daughter.....how much u wan? i just hav 1 rule, u'll nvr see her again bcoz u sold her...."

That is some big mighty talk. Let's hope your future wife will be supportive if it ever come to it.

One thing though, since you plan to bear all the wedding cost, do you intend to keep the angpows from the bride's side?
If not, then that is also the ping kam already.

i dun intend to get any presents or ang pau from my guest.
but if dey wan giv, dats optional.
who dey wanna giv, dats up to dem.

So you do plan to give pingkam to your in-laws, in the form of tables.

nah....
i'm not gonna do all this chinese wedding dinner thing....

Even if my friend says its a non-traditional wedding, I would still give angpow.

You know what, I totally understand where you are coming from.
But when the time comes, remember to look at the big picture (which is not giving in to all the in-laws' demands).

wen i get married, i wont b following chinese custom, tradition & rules....

if my parents in law ask for ping kam, i'll say no.
i just bare all the wedding fees, & dats dat.

if dey insist wan ping kam, i'll say...."ok, since u put it dis way, meaning u selling ur daughter.....how much u wan? i just hav 1 rule, u'll nvr see her again bcoz u sold her...."

Giving present or ang pau (i prefer giv present) when attenting wedding, it's kinda like good manner.
Not a must, but it looks good.

If  ever gog married, it will be "our wedding", as in me & my future wife.
Sorry parents, srg future in laws, it's not ur wedding..