erm, ping kam is by future hubby / in-laws?

there r stuff dat worth ague about, & there r stuff dat just not worth ague about.....
& 'ping kam' is jut not worth arguing about.

pls....dis is 2 people getting 2gether, not buying selling daughter....
as if dat the guy marry a girl to be his slave 4ever......

i personnel think dis 'ping kam' tradition shud b skip, hell, it shud b abolish....

if u ask me, i would rather skip 'ping kam' use the $$$ to hav a better, more grand marriage den to giv.

to the girl's parents, pls...u're not selling ur daughter, it's not like u're not gonna see ur daughter ever again.

if you have read my earlier posts which suggested that the tradition was "crap" but now i am undergoing it myself but, fortunately, i dun have to go thru wat TS has to go thru, my mum was reasonable enough and she asked for RM 3,888 (when my bf asked indirectly); further discussion will be next month....my mum agreed that she doesn't want to put us into debt....

btw, i am not really close to my family...just really wish a very simple thing

getting married har.....
congratz........

6k is not a lot, but however if cannot persuade, y not postpone a bit, if 1month save 1k, half year later can achieve that amount......

my wife didn't take ping kam but wanted a dragon pheonix bracelet... give only lar, what's the problem?

My place here (Sarawak), the common rate now is around RM15k..some ppl go es up even to RM20k.

Different people has different incomes with different commitments and priorities. 6k may not be a lot to you, but it is to some. So, unless we are in their shoes, we are in no position to say 6k isn't a lot. Even a simple non glamorous wedding can be meaningful.

TS, using my wedding as my example, ping kam is also used by your family to pay for the no of tables they intend to have during your wedding dinner. For example, if you have 50 tables (25 his side / 25 your side) your family will be paying for their side of the table. But bear in mind, only relatives tables are counted. Hence, you can roughly estimate the no of relatives you have. For example, if you have around 30 family members, you will need 3 tables just for your family and relatives. So, if the venue is roughly RM1.5k per table, then your family will use RM4.5k from the ping kam to pay for the dinner. So, if you give RM6k, they have about RM1.5k to use for all other expenses. It is not uncommon for the bride's family to fork out some money as well. Not evreything is paid for by the groom on contrary belief.

Not sure if this is the norm. It is hard to please both side, but I would that at the end of the day, do not burst the budget of your wedding. Normally, sure burst, but don't exceed a certain percentage. And this budget is combined the both of you, not all him alone. Use within your means, don't try to please everyone and end up starting a married life with so much debt.

as far i am understand, ping kam is just a "yee see" and also the bride's parents will also use portion of the ping kam to give in-return betrothal gifts; and for my case, ping kam is separate from the guests that my parents want to invite; which we have agreed on only calling close friends and relatives only.....

Because most of them are balak king there .... sure rich mah

on this matter, how about to deal with parents who will take the ping kam as their investment over the years of letting u go to uni, bring u up.. etc etc and feel like they deserve the money?...

if im nt mistaken, i think most chinese traditional thinking parents will have this thinking lor.. i feel that even my own mom also is having this mentality lor...

This post has been edited by happy_gal: Aug 18 2010, 09:20 AM

Then you have to be firm with your parents. Tell them you love them and that it is not out of disrespect for not following their wishes. Times have change, and although traditions does not necessary have to be changed, they need to be flexible. Ask them, if you date 10 good men, and all good men also cannot afford their requested 'ping kam', does that mean you can't get married?

You have to put it to them gently, but put your foot down. But if you want to be mean, be sarcastic and ask them, "Did you raise me up because you love me or because I was just an asset for you to sell off?"

How much does it cost to "buy" you off? Seriously. Can you put a price tag on someone? Is there a price for each and everyone one of us? Especially those who are getting married? Sure it's the next step of commitment but when you come to thinking, how much does it cost for the "purchase"? Utterly absurd, right?

Can you accept the "talk or walk away" approach? I don't think so. Period.

Addendum: Congratulations on the good news.

Options are aplenty. You want to be treated "fair and square"? The door is just right there for you to exit.

Do you know the importance of a family? Without them, without him. Are you too blinded or maybe too dumbfounded to realise that?


Provisional option is very much appreciated. Even though it may not be feasible to partake. As you have mentioned, it's an opened window of option to be taken into consideration.

Disappointing or not, the decision is being made by you. You've decided to forgone something that you have in Kuala Lumpur and settles in Ipoh. How easy for one to forgets that she's the one that holds the ultimatum? Shackles of fate is a strong tool of psychology manipulation.

Regards, Joey

This post has been edited by Joey Christensen: Aug 25 2010, 12:26 PM

joey, i believe you have misunderstood barista and my statements.
we are not asking our bf to abandone their parents nor their family.
i'm just asking for his understanding to balance his contribution of % salary.

setting up a new family and to have kids need lots of money. remaining 30% salary to support himself and his new family is kind of impossible. unless he earns a lot, for normal ppl, its hard to survive.

U obviously didn't get Joey's message

My GDL is just a month away.
My mum reminded me that even very very thin gold necklace cost abt RM2K.
RM6K is not much for Ping Kam.

This post has been edited by NaiveLady: Aug 21 2010, 09:11 AM

both of you have come to this far; well...and since your mum can't compromise, i think the only choice left is to take up a personal loan first, maybe you can get back in return from the dinner angpaus....

marriage is something to be happy; just don't get this money issue surround it....

good luck gal and congratulations!!!

encourage people to take loan for the sake of marriage....

what the hell is wrong with you people?

if both side can't reach a compromise, delay, until you have the fund!

or else, both of you suffer huge loan repayment frm your salary because of marriage, in the end of the day,

end up everyday argue and so on, will you happy?

is this the purpose of marriage?

what's the purpose of marriage then? satisfy your parents's requirement or recoup of their investment on you?

My advice, please remind this is a test for u from God...... Dont cause till ur marriage is unsuccessful and end up in break up where u gonna regret...........

Do u really want $$$ become ur devil in ur marriage... u can make ur own decision.. coz this is ur marriage........

no la....she is at the verge of her wedding oredi, she can do nothing much now.....tat's her only solution since the mother isn't compromising

and of course, if there's any way, i won't advice one to do so...