From this logic, no need "gets" married and organise wedding. Simply stay together, inform both side of family of this intention and thats it. No need register too. After all.... love is in the heart, not dictated by custom nor laws.

I am getting married soon after 8 years of dating. However, parents from both family can't agree on certain things.

My parents & relatives informed the "ping kam" should be abt RM6K and requested for a piggy. They informed that that is the rate in KL. My parents told me because we're not rich, thus the money (instead of forking out our own money) served as financial aid to help them purchase essential items required for the wedding celebrations such as gold. It also will show what is my value & whether my future husband family is stingy or not. Actually, what are the things that bride's family have to buy for wedding?
However, my future in-law said my parents request is too high and they prefer to pay RM888/RM1888/RM2888 (Just a sign of good luck (hou yi tou). Reasons given is they are not buying a daughter-in-law & they want everything to be simple. They thought we want “face” and reputation is the reason behind it. They prefer give money to us (after wedding i guess) rather than wasting it to buy those wedding things. They are not rich but not poor either. My future husband is on his family side and persuading me to accept his parents proposal.

I am torn in between and we quarrel about this. Should I:
- Persuade parents to accept lesser "ping kam"?
- Persuade future husband to give RM6K ?

BTW, what are the average rate of "ping kam" given nowadays? I know some of my friends were lucky because their wife's parents didn't request for ping kam.

wei 5,888 suay number la

it's not only the chinese mentality so to speak, it's Asian. We all want face. Furthermore, TS's future in-law already degrade themselves into negotiating a "ping kam" and this also haven't step foot into their in laws door. What if really married and become their in-law? They would obviously treat TS like shit.

marriage in Asia world is not about 2 person... once u're married, u're married into the family which includes pleasing ur in law's, the aunties, the uncles, etc etc..

recently a malay friend got wed and I've learned that the standard hantaran is RM10K for a degree holder wife    RM6k is simply nothing.

y in a rush to get married now during ur man's financial turbulence?  since courtship has been for 8 years, saving for another year wont be any problem right?

There is no standard rate or whatsoever. Don't believe what others say here. My dad marry my mum without paying a single cent.

good things dun come cheap & free things hardly appreciated. That's the world we live in now.

You mean TS is an item or goods determined by its quality & price? How can you judge this on a relationship between two person by paying what the in-law asked?

By the way during our parents time, this is even more important than it is now.

If you want to talk about the world now, heck people starting not to have any wedding ceremony at all... this 'ping kam' or 'lai kam' is way off to be heard for cases like this.

All my male relatives & including male friends, none of their in laws asked for a specific amount of money.

Unless the fiance of TS is damn kedekut, rich enough but not willing to pay... I am gonna stand my point on this.

There are certain things that are bounded by law, thus the need for registration but the need to give ping kam is another story by itself.

yes "law" saids .. need to register as husband and wife .. but "LAW" DID not says about "Ping Kam"

it is HUMAN custom asking for trouble ...

now a days, 10k is the norm.
if ur parents in law want to pay only 888,1888 etc, it shows that they do not respect u and ur family.

imagine taking care and giving education to a daughter, that cost much much more, what is 10k?

This is not selling daughter, just a sign of respect from the other family. but off course your future husband must be able to effort la... if no money, better dont get married!!!

I understand your situation (although I'm a guy). I am lucky that this didn't happen to me when I was getting married (instead, my mother-in-law only took small part of the given ping kam as hou yi tou)

Maybe I'm biased, and I'm on your hubby family side.. or rather I don't really like Chinese tradition and the social norm - they REALLY like to compare (everything, from the location, amount of ping kam, wedding photographer yada yada). I think that couples should just spend what they can afford rather than overspending just to prove that the husband is not stingy.

Parents sometimes have to understand that they demand a lot of money from their future son-in-law, but end up both daughter and son-in-law suffering

Anyway... I suggest the following:

- Try talking to your parents (yes, unluckily it IS your responsibility since they are your parents), explaining that both of you have already spent a lot and why at this moment it isn't feasible to give 6k. Do not say provoking statements like "It's not selling daughter" though

- Try to propose something that you and your hubby can afford. Maybe something like 2888 or 3888

- To be frank, 6k isn't that much. But as you're both short of cash, maybe ask your parents if your hubby can pay that 6k some time later instead of now. Otherwise, go for Personal Loan

I hope it helps, and I wish you all the best