At least you see some good in me. If you talk about I am coming from a sincere heart, then yes. Maybe I used the wrong terms the word "parasite" or "leeching" is a little too harsh. I will take it back.

It nothing wrong for a husband to give money to his wife. In fact, it is a responsibility of being a man and part of manhood. This I strongly agree.

It is the attitude and mindset of expecting & over-insisted it that makes it morally wrong.

Most womans dream is to be a fulltime mother taking care of their children, being mother we try our best and want to give the best to our children. I did not demand he buy me a BMW, I only demand he is able to take good care of the family, good education, good enviroment. I'm not wasting his money going to Princeton to deliver, is this being too demanding?


Similarly, I can put it in a way of a spoil-bred child everytime taking money from his very rich father and refusing to work and not willing face reality knowing that his father has more than enough money to support him for generations to come until one day there is nothing left!!!


You can't just totally leave the money-minded part fully to the male. In fact I am not denying my gender responsibility as a male, but in fact I respect more to gender equality, building a family takes 2 instead of one.

I have seen many fulltime mothers are way better off than you, in terms of attitude and mindset. They obviously don't have fulltime employment, their attitude and mind-set will at least makes them do something more than just raising a child, in contributing to household income, because they wanted improvement and development for themselves and the family as a whole. They know what it means by hard-earn cash made by their husband with "sweat and blood". Money don't just fall freely from the sky.

You see, not all man wants a career minded woman, and not all woman are career minded. They prepared themselves to be mothers from very young age.

You work in the gemstone industry for years and still earning less than 2K per month.
Haven't you thought of why or where the problem is?

Again because you resist to change for better, and if you don't change or improve yourself, your income won't change. Again it is the attitude and mindset.

Because my aim is to be a fulltime mother, I'm not career minded.

You only go out to work when problem arise?
Wouldn't it be a little too late? Remember we ages over time, and we may losses the working capacity we used to have previously as our health deteriorates.
I bought an umbrella not because it was raining at that time, but it is to prepared when it really rains.
What's your stand on my above statement?

Have you thought about babies? I want my children to have a very warm cozy home, with mother taking care of them, I want to shower them with love. I mean this is not only my dream but my husbands dream as well. He is traditional and he infact told me his ideal home sweet home is wife waiting for him when he returns from work and nice delicious dinner cooked and wait for him. And this is what he gets after we're married.

From the bolded part I was told that 5k can't afford a high maintenance gf and therefore this category of "high-maintenance gf" are gold digger. Please see my reply here:

I have already told you please correct me if I'm wrong. And why would you imply the word "paranoia" on me? Can you tell me the way you implied "paranoia" here is an unfavourable term or commentable term? For me, it's an unfavourable term.

ok 1st, ask ur self are u high maintenance ?

then i use the word paranoia is because from the way i see u seems like think too much/over-sensitive over my this reply. Of course now i know is unfavourable for u, so i hope u dun feel offended by it. 

Yes, I'm high maintenance.
What's your next question to me?

Ya, I know this is one of my problem. You're not the only one that commented me actually, I knew it long time when I was in college. After years of research on my symptoms only I found out that it's because I lack of acknowledgement and support from my family (parents) and therefore every small and tiny words which people said unintentionally, in a general way, I will take them too seriously and negatively.

I'm trying to get rid of it. I hope you won't mind, too. 

so u mean u spend more than few thousand ringgit for clothes and luxuries stuff every month paying by your boyfren ? thats what i called high maintenance aka gold digger. If u are, then i got nothing to said.

And I do encourage gal who wants individual extra material luxury and expenses, go and work and earn money for that, not cling on husband.

well, i need u to understand that. Today I am here to learn, discover and understand this kind of so called "money-minded" personality, and of course im not wanted to scratch my face and make things bad here.

Hahahaha.... I already known you will ask me these 2 questions!!!


So here is my reply, repeated for the second time:

And I do include boy friend, too.

You are slapping yourself. Please don't simply make assumption which I have never meant it.
Oh ya, sure.

Becaue I replied:
Yes, I'm high maintenance.

Then you replied:
so u mean u spend more than few thousand ringgit for clothes and luxuries stuff every month paying by your boyfren ?

That's why I said you are making assumption.

High maintenance must be a gold digger suck out boy friend's or husband's money?

no no no, there u are mistake. I am not implying that all high maintenance are under gold digger affilation, but the question is to linked with the earlier "would high maintenance gold digger go after a monthly earning 5K guy ?"

so my actual question is, if today u are a high maintenance gold digger, would u go after a monthly eaning 5K guy ?

Imagining it up? no I am not (after all, several other people have pointed it out to you), you probably don't realise the vector of your argument, even after its been brought up numerous times. Being able to read these minute details that reveals a person's true intentions is something I pride myself on. I can and have pointed out such minor details to you, you may not think its important, but it is, because if you truly believe in something, and you truly stand behind what you say without the need to gain acceptance from others, your words and how you say them would be different.

as mention, I was being question from different angle, so I made the arguement from a different angle, however the message is stil the same

I can understand your frustration with the more immature members, but do you have to stoop to their level? They will beat you by experience moorish.

yes its frustrating sometimes

Oh, so its not about advising or educating people anymore?

Since when it was about advising, I've mere spoken my mind and says I finally understand this, because from what I know a lot of girls have this in the back of their mind, money was most time in the equation, they seem to be too afraid to admit this.

Statistically speaking, yes, that is more likely to happen. You did after all filter based on money FIRST rather than on character. The initial dates and all were based on his material wealth, not who he is as a person. This initial "filter" becomes your primary need, and when such a primary need is diminished, you may feel unfulfilled. YOU may be different, but generally and statistically speaking, that simply isn't the case. Advocating and propagating such a mentality is simply going to make things worse for society.

I did not start this trend, its been in the society for too long. Maybe you're not accepting this, lemme ask you a normal OL works in a nice big corporation, then a really really charming boy wants to date her, he works in a renovating company, he do partition, earns 1.5k a month, this is a true story, very very honest boy. You think she will go dating with him?

10 out of 10 girls I introduce will tell me if so good why you didnt date him? They would expect to date a guy at par with their earning and society class at par with them. This is still shunning off a good boy. I dun blame the girls because they've set a standard for themselves and who am I to tell them to lower it?

But when I proceed to accuse them they;re money minded, they would say no I am not, I'm a good girl whos looking for a good capable husband because in future when expenses runs higher I would expect him to be able to meet up.




Its one thing to say "go only after the rich men" and completely another to say "make sure you men is capable to support your future". They may both be similar, and have portions that overlap, but they are entirely different approaches. Can you see the difference?

Now this is how all this started, rich man, I could've put it in a very specific manner, but I'm just converting from the typical chinese saying, kar kor yau ching lou" means marry a rich husband. And it is never about only reserve for tycoons or datuks. The definition of is where the debate lies in. Some whom are already earning 10k would think only 100k deserve the title some who earn 1k would think 10k is rich.


The answer here is the same as the rest for your posting, you;re also taking only a portion of the words to debate instead of seeing the whole posting from my first post.

I've given the example of woman choosing a husband that can protect her form animal, able to get a cave and feed the family, but in modern society a man able to do is equals a man with a house, can raise the children to todays standard equals 10,000BC, hence he needs to at least earn 10k above I duno just an example, hence 10K above is consider rich to me.



The world isn't black & white. Going for either extreme is bad.
I didn't say you had to suck him dry, just that you're using his money for your own needs, without actually seeing him as a person, just like an ATM machine and someone to cheer you up when you're down. Get my drift?

repeatation, I've mention, if he cant swept me off my feet no matter how rich he is...its pointless we cant click hence I wont be his wife.

or are you implying even if I've a career and when time comes I wanna be a fulltime mother, and that will be the time I'm immoral coz I'm using his money?



Immoral by whose standards? Did you that if we all did a DNA test, we would that we're all mostly related to genghis khan? Now tell me, for a man, what would be a greater legacy than that?

You keep talking from a completely female perspective, and now, I'm sharing with you a completely male perspective.


If you wanna go into that angle, man use to be able to kill people and nothing wrong with that, to adapt into todays world, man play PS3 with all the violent game, we evolve. same as how woman would love a tough killer perhaps to be their protection.



Regarding children growing up, we can have a separate topic on that, perhaps do one in RWI, it needs a bit of a change of pace

You cant seperate the debate because from the first posting, it is about starting a family, how can you only debate the first half, getting married and choosing a husband but fail to see the outcome later in life because the sole intention is to have children?

Unfortunately, what you fail to realise is, this is what you're indirectly preaching.
It is not my fault if you phail to get the concept


Despite him being a great guy and not exactly poor.
well it depends what is your poor standard, 1.8k, 2k, 5k, 10k? My aim is he is capable to support a family


Its their fault for being so naive, however its equally stupid to jump from one end to the other. You can simply tell them that its important that their man understands what a family needs and is motivated to provide for it, or to tell them the importance of financial security and freedom in a family. If your advice came with such a tone, you wouldn't have had so much flak. However, your advice was simply "no money, no punani"

If they've read the first posting, about providing and not about being a princess and expect the caveman to carry her around they would understand and so would you. It was a basic and comfortable needs, not excessive.

In todays word even a 5k salary earner would still need to tie his belt if he were to do this and not exactly comfortable unless we;re talking about living in Jengka, but we're talking about city


about the flak, many guys have ego and got hurt by it



In all honesty, CC is a horrible place for such statistics as majority of the people here are immature, a lot of responses in this topic alone should be enough evidence You can throw me stories of your friends, and I can throw you back stories of my friends and relatives as well, both good and bad. All I've learnt from seeing all the cases (my own family included), is that in the end, its the bond in the family that matters, not any other factors and that if a couple gets into a relationship with such a filter first, it tends to stress the relationship a lot more when that primary criteria disappears.

Let me put it this way, money doesn't build a strong relationship, nor does it provide a reliable foundation for a relationship to build on. The bond in a relationship is strengthened based on the commitment of the couple themselves, money is simply a stress reliever in the relationship. Having it reduces the stress on the bond, which means it is less likely to break. This is good, BUT once it starts being stressed, you aren't sure whether the bond can handle such stress or not.

Agree, chances are there in both ends, but at least if you choose the richer one assuming everything is same then she at least gets to enjoy it.


If a relationship starts out with both sides interested in knowing the other for who they are they build a foundation based on that bond. If you have money (or looks if from the guy perspective) as one of your foundations in starting the relationship, when that starts to disappear or deteriorate, its not just additional STRESS being placed on the bond, the very foundation of that bond starts deteriorating as well. Isn't it obvious why things start to fall apart then?

In short, relationships are more likely to fail when:
1) The level of stress a relationship has to handle is not accounted for (not considering money, or the aging effect of the body)
I think money is one of the greatest arguement in marriage, hence I wont leave this out, unless you're talking about we living in jengka

2) Building a foundation on an uncertain/unreliable foundation (rich ppl can go bankcrupt in a manner of days, looks fade with age)
poor people can become poorer too

You fully understand the importance of point 1), but you totally undermine the importance of point 2).

pls read the very first posting and understand the true meaning, its all about providing for the family

Also, why did you avoid answering my last question?

I did answer your last question, I've only forgotten to highlight it in red

Siverhawk,

I have even seen wives ditched their husband and children when times are bad.  What have you gotto say ?

Isn't not this bad enough ? and I bet you many fall to Ah-Long's victim is relevant to these demanding wives.

WTF !!!

I don't see how you can be high maintenance and not expect your boyfriend to be rich.

I'm high maintenance but I am NOT a gold digger; I will NOT go for a 5K monthly earning guy if he is not self-motivated.

Have I answered your question?

uh. you're either high or low maintenance ... what's all this about "levels"?

Yes, thats what I trying to pull out. When u accuse me saying gals that go after guys who earn more than 5k is gold digger, which i never meant it at all.

Because i never imply that you or moorish are digging gold cause u both choose a rich guy, but in the earlier reply i am only imply that "A 5k monthly earning guy cannot afford/support a high maintenance gold digger" and for gals like u who pay for own luxuries expenses, are u digging your boyfren in the 1st place ? No right.

Ok. I get what you want to ask.

So someone tell me "Oh the college's tuition fee is very expensive". What's the level of expensive and cheap?
My point is that: high maintenance is something which is beyond the general expenses. For a normal OL, RM2k per month is considered high maintenance but for a Datin, RM10k per month.

I'm saying I'm high maintenance because I don't go for basic daily needs only. I spend money to groom up myself to look more presentable and tidy, I don't go for normal shopping malls but certain branded clothings for its reliable quality. However, all my expenses on these maintenance, I spend it on my own, according to my ability.
I didn't acuse you.

I was saying that from what I understand, you were claiming "a gal who doesn't go for 5k guy = high maintenance gal/gold digger.
Well, thanks for your explaination then.

sorry, the bolded part is your own understanding. is not something come out from myself.

and thats what i called it accuse.