Srsly man.

ayam feel yesterday ayam at breaking point alrdy. Work is already tiring, then come PH, no rest, have to take care full time . felt that even merid life oso is taking a hit. I miss those days when there are no responsibilities at all . well, that's being adult, I guess.

taking care of elderly is really hard man . 60kg + want to up and down each n every time , change pampers, etc .

Now I'm trying to diet and exercise almost daily, quit all vape n smoking, so that I'd either go out early with heart attack or live healthily like Tun at 100 and not be dependent on anyone.

Caretaker job is never easy. Those look down on caretaker's job go experience yourself then will know.

Pay for caretaker job also complain expensive.

exactly

never try, never know it is not an easy job

You won't last long..

That’s why I let my ma go ham with food, enjoy lol the delicious food and laze around as much she wants

Either go happy or go in pain, ur choice

My nephew just sent my aunty to one of the many nursing homes in PJ.

This post has been edited by Nofusa: Sep 15 2025, 12:52 PM

Children see, later they will follow ... U lead by example.

I quit my sinkie job come back fOr fAmIlY, turns out everyone see me like a retarded loser instead of filial piety.

I don't cope. I'm now broke and broken. Hope I'm more intelligent next life

Why not send to nursing home and let the pros to handle?

Unless earn 15-20k a month, nursing care easily up to 5k for bedridden excluding nursing supplies, medical and special food.

That, also no guaranteed they will handle like a pro unless one don't mind or no eye see.

You'll either mentally or physically collapse then that'll be even worse. Go survey and send to a nursing home that's within your budget..

This post has been edited by Atrocious: Sep 1 2025, 04:13 PM

Taking care alone , siblings?

This is time to talk to them about hiring a helping hand, either fulltime or part-time. Or if budget allows, you can consider send to daycare for old folks in the morning then pick them up at night bring home. Like kindergarten for kids.

Sometime the old folks themselves dunwan to go also.
Die die wanna stay home

Explaination of benefits are needed. It's the best for both sides. 24hrs with staffs monitoring is way better and safer, you won't be able to do that. If you do, your bio clock will get severely messed up.

seems like a taboo for type M to send to old folks . now manageable with caregiver . but even then when the caregiver is on leave i have to take over.

unfortunately no help at all since they all had their own family . also since the parents house i bought for a discount. so no choice .

if i known it would be this hard, i would've chose otherwise.

true. not even locals want to do these kinds of jobs .

my mum is at 72 now, she's by herself and she spends time gardening and TV and sometimes with her smartphone .. no observation needed, just sometimes she tend to forget something

Manage to sent eventually, but everytime visit they also cry say wanna go home.... How ..?!

how much?

Here in JB also got type M in nursing home. Once your bio clock's messed up, your immune system goes..

Depend on needs and requirement of the patient

yes old folks die die don't want to go...those not able bodied with no caretaker then have to go nursing home.

old folks mentality, go nursing home = die faster.

but they forgot, their children also need to make a living. If care for old folks, who is gonna bear the living expenses and etc. Caretakers also got their own responsibilities and they are also human.

Choose the one WITHIN BUDGET and NEAREST to your house so you can visit MORE OFTEN. Mine is like 10-15mins away so I visit almost every morning to bring midnight prepared hard boiled eggs via mykasih's..

Yes it’s really not easy to take care of the elderly

I sympathise with you TS, make sure to take care of yourself as well

bear the weight, guilt and plight within. Not everybody is rich and can afford luxuries.

Just make more time to visit them often. When with them tell them stories and happenings with your life and family so they won't feel disconnected.

Get the family together with the old folks when they are still alive and able.

No point doing big hu ha ceremony after they are not around and only write long ass poems for the internet to see.

Provided is not bedridden lar 😭

They will forget. They want to be in places with someone they know.

When u visit nursing home, macam2 behaviour ada. Those not mentally sick can become one later. One person cry, scream or shout, the entire old folks all siau jor 🫣

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Sep 1 2025, 05:46 PM

All the yima kucheh will talk behind your back as u are the bad person...

TS may I know how old is your parent?

work gets harder if they got dementia.

Once insomnia kicks in, you're done.

tell them stfu, no help then talk mat chart.

salute you. Not easy to take care of elderly. Need to have the patience & the heart to do it. All the best

Not easy. My wife suffered emotionally when MIL was alive, especially when MIL started developing dementia. We moved out to not be under the same roof so that got some breathing space. Yet, still kena kutuk tiap2 hari. Anyway, long story short, no shortcut except really.. tunggu mati.

I took care of my mom for 5 years. Change diapers and shower for her. I feel for you. Not easy.

I feel for you. I was broke too. Didn't work for 5 years. Now slowly rebuilding my life.

Actually it's true if masuk the wrong home. My mom passed away within 2 years after masuk home.

This post has been edited by BUprop: Sep 1 2025, 08:14 PM

My mother is suffering for dementia and minor stroke. I am taking care alone and need to work as well. Luckily, my workplace is just a distance away from my house. I feel helpless as I cannot do anything to help her but just try to spend more time with her and assist her in the daily life routine.

Personally, I feel that my life is gone....My daily routine is about working and taking care of my mother. It has been three years...still long way to go...

This post has been edited by StillAlive: Sep 1 2025, 08:36 PM

Agreed, some not good homes can end life faster. I've seen some 3 months, 1 month. While some can last for years even.

And then there are those bastards who just dumps the old folks and disappears. Family never comes, young ones too busy enjoying yolo life, the spouse will not bother, and some families even go to the extend to change contact numbers and addresses and abandon the old folks totally.

Bro, consider the daily carers/nurses too. Can come half or full day. 24 hours oso got. My acquaintances say they are good.

my family dealing with this problem. call daily nurse/carer also duwan. keras kepala duwan let 'stranger into the home', but can fall down few times a day.

some also kena minor stroke have mobility issues but insist duwan to use tongkat, nor apply for OKU benefits.

seems like that generation very prideful haih

i feel u man, my father is stubborn, gorilla person, misogynist, ( his dna produce muscle one and my sister inherit almost like 65% , even in her 30s she look like large girl but chubby )

and my mother is misandry, dont like his husband also

both are boomer generation, those era are prideful one, if u say bad about them, their dignity , face all pecah and angry one, like those korean / japanese boomer, say bad , go against their agenda / idea, then angry angry, toxic filial piety in another word

i really wish one day i can reborn into very good family environment

both like oil and water, have own ego and opinion. I need explain like hundred of time to change their mind.

Yea if worst come to worst just go nursing home.

This post has been edited by nelson969: Sep 1 2025, 10:43 PM

U think it's just good gene make most T1 can live long ?

After my dad passed away last year, left my mother. Ironically both of them chased me out of my very own home a year before that. As I couldn't bear the daily torture on me and my wife & kid, we left albeit I still go in and checked on them everyday. After my dad is gone, I hired a maid to look after my mother. Have to manage her everyday and she already started have Alzhemeir probably after losing her husband that she hates for the past 50 years. Have 6 siblings but basically non want to get involved or help despite parents love them more. Here I'm at midnight, looking at CCTV every day, always running around for my parents. It's a tormenting feeling when you have your own family to take care, a job to earn a living. Never have time for yourself.
TS, just hang in there and eventually this will end. There will be long lonely road ahead, but just remember to give yourself at pat at back that you are already doing the best you can!

It's ironic that somehow the child that's least loved, ends up taking care of their parents in the end.

I wish euthanasia is legal here. I don't want to be a burden to others when I'm old.

all good children, no charsiew. on behalf of your parents, i say thanks to your time, money, tears, pain, sacrifices, loneliness, which no one will understand.

If u visit hospital ward for old ppl ..u will shit brix
Getting old plus sick is scary

This post has been edited by hickups: Sep 2 2025, 07:56 AM

79 now

60kg body weight is like 100kg when it happens. It's like dead weight. And all they kept asking is want to go back and they will do havoc when wish is not granted.

U won't do it, if is legal. It takes great mind to end one life.

And those who says he wants to die by commiting suicide will chicken out at 14th floor. Many videos shown all those jokers didn't jump down.

Finally, those who did it, will do it quietly. Don't have to wait for euthanasia.

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Sep 2 2025, 08:59 AM

Deleted .. repeat.

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Sep 2 2025, 08:52 AM

It’s a blessing to take care of the old, not a burden.

Depends how u see it. Don’t take it a as a guli, use it as a wisdom， converse with them.

Having kids are priceless , and only if you can see.

Those thinking only have kids when rich can F off. Lolx

This post has been edited by swanlover: Sep 2 2025, 09:14 AM

Nursing home is the way to go when your life style suffers. There is no other way.

Definitely an option but only if you have money to pay. It's not cheap and those lower few K ones really don't give proper care. For example, the one in Klang (Acacia) that used to be a hotel building, cost about 9K minimum if you are still independent. Not independent and needed mobility assistant, they will charge extra cost.

TS's caregiver is also not cheap I guess as those that have off days are paid based on days. Had one when my dad came back from hospital, it was RM150 per day and they need 2 days off per month. So a month comes to RM4.5K.

make sure you are still healthy when you are that age, else cham also

My father had a minor fall at first, nothing too serious but he needed walker to walk after that. A week later, he had a more serious fall, I asked him and mom to come to my house immediately so me, wife and siblings could help look after him.

After about 10 days at my home, he seem more improved, better focus, better health and is able to stand a bit with the help of the walker. After 10 days, he seem shivering and feel cold even when the fan is off. 11th day he seem like have a seizure and have difficulty breathing. We call the ambulance and admit him to hospital. To our shock we were told he had lung infection.

First day in hospital he seem fine, but not able to talk, second day he was sleeping whole day. Third day, he seem recovered, able to move his hand and feet. Fourth day, I was shocked that he passed away.

I am still trying to come to terms, although I do get signs and dreams from God/him that he was okay. Just the speed of his decline I could not come to terms with.

Unlike the above stories of old folks lasting months/even years. My father was gone within a matter of weeks.

This post has been edited by Youth City Nilai: Sep 2 2025, 10:02 AM

My dad went the same route as yours. Fell, got lung infection in hospital and eventually succumbed to that even though discharged (doctor mcm tahu and prefer to grant the patient's wish to go home).

My dad seem to show signs of infection at my house, weird thing is he don't have any fever/cough symptoms before that.

At hospital he seem to have recovered by third day, even the doctor came in happily and told us he improved a lot on the third day.

we were shocked when got a call from hospital he passed away on fourth day

This post has been edited by Youth City Nilai: Sep 2 2025, 10:11 AM

experienced doctor can estimate the time left for the person to be deceased

to be frank, rest in peace with short suffer period is a good the end of most peoples wish to

there are many cheaper and yet good servce old folds nursing home
9K is too expensive.

Agreed that average wage earner or even normal business people can't afford nursing home.

A friend, wealthy I would say, paid 12k per month for his mother in a nursing home locate at Jln Tun Razak. After 8 months, she left.

Can U share one place as what U said ?

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Sep 2 2025, 10:29 AM

I agree it may be good for the deceased with minimal suffering period, but for me it come as a shock as it is too sudden and he showed signs of improvement, so I had my hopes up

This post has been edited by Youth City Nilai: Sep 2 2025, 10:33 AM

Actually, it's sort of true that it is easier to die there. One of the reasons is bacterial infection. A late change of soiled pampers, for example, promotes bacterial growth. And it spreads to the rest. Someone will flu will spread to the rest too. This is the risk associated with communal living.

Of course, staying at home also has its own risk - falls, etc.

People are inherently selfish. Parents too. Most fail to see how they affect their children's quality of life by insisting on staying in own home when they cannot take care of themselves.

I feel you bro. Reason I stayed here was to spend more time with aging parents. Both my siblings went working elsewhere to make more money. But in the end, I'm the "unsuccessful and useless" one in the eyes of my relatives, and parents also seem to treat my siblings better (but also maybe because they see them less) but see me almost everyday.

Actually people tell me, I am a good kid taking care of mom. I think my brother goes to heaven while I goes to hell even thought I am the one taking care of mom. Because taking care of mom have high stress and frustrations. Sometimes I scolded my mom. Argued with her. Isn't that worse karma compared to those who didn't take care of her? Those who have my stress please raise their hand. Haha.

Unker foreveralone, now thinking to secure myself a spot in old folks home when I'm old, any good place in kl?

You are not alone. Many who worked there will find themselves family-less as people avoid them when they are no longer working there. It doesn't matter how well they treated their family members when they were working in sinkie.

I totally feel u bro, hats off to u too to have the iron will and unwavering dedication to take care of your old folk. It's extremely challenging task if u are the only caretaker as it will drain u mentally, psychically and monetary, at one point deep in ur heart u will wish it to end soon. (abit jahat and unfilial but it came naturally)

Take care bro!

This post has been edited by anzen600: Sep 2 2025, 04:16 PM

u r not alone bro.. thinking of the karma thing

One of my relative baru only check in facility. Quite high keras type.

Husband full blown dementia. Wife go there stay together both total 15k per month.

Can already forsee 30 years later many homeless cuckoo old ppl running around. Anak tak ramai, no retirement savings cos all busy taking out from epf account3. good luck guys

if you have done your best, your heart knows it and won't feel bad.

it's never easy to look after them (more so, if you aren't their fav child... kkkkk... imagine they need to see their least fav child everyday, but old people, weird thinking..)

bed sores too if the old folks are bed ridden

and there are some unscrupulous old folks home that doesn't bother gender. I've seen with my own eyes that some purposely leave the bathroom door open in front of others to see. Such humiliation and then got old man go show his penis openly.

Those far far away and least they see are their favs. Those close by taking care of them day in day out threat them worst than trash.

These char siew parents also deserve it sometimes.

need a AA nursing home bah.. RM3 to RM5K/mth

betul. my mader only calls me when she needs something (not even hello, how are you, or care about me)... but im the black sheep (she talks shit about me to everyone when I was busy working to earn money for the house bills and groceries)... while her fav son who doesn't spend a cent or a second with her is very good son.

so to me, i have done my part, she has 3 other kids to take care of her... i live with no regrets. shouted... frustrated... all of which been ignored.

grieving happens when the other person is still alive. it's sad.

Your relatives and other siblings:
1. why you so cold blood? Not a filial child la u.
2. Those who suggest have to pay for the bill. I’m not part of it. We have our family too so I’m not rotating with you as well.
3. (Touch wood if anything happen at the nursing home) see la ? Suggest nursing home summo la? Told you this would happen. It’s all your fault.

Normally NF with these ppl bah.. Bring no value to ur life why bother nia?

You don't have to give a fuck about these people. Whatever you do, they will spin it to their liking. Even if they are your family members or relative, just cut them off completely. They are not paying your bills, so they should STFU.

Well frankly I don’t. Just sharing what I have seen myself when this things happen on other people. Not everyone can handle it.

And the worse part? The sick old parent will still side with the these people instead of the child that taking care of them. What would you do den?

simple, tell them talk so much for what, give them 1 month taking care of the parents see how fast they throw to old folks home or nursing home.

This part is absolutely true. But is ok! You have done your part as a responsible adult, filial child, and as a human, the rest leave it as there.

Those who did nothing are the fastest to judge and criticize.

Be strong bro. I have been there before and it is not easy.

I used to be very affected by my parents on the way the treat me and what they say. Usually it is very hurtful especially if you are the one taking care of them. But, nowadays especially my Alzhemeir mother talked rubbish (as she can't mask it out anymore), I would just laughed it out rather than let the words affect me. Might feel awkward at first, but once you have gone over this phase, no words shall affect your emotion anymore. This is the only way I keep myself sane and not affecting other people like my own child.

Most siblings and relatives are the same. Just ignore them

sorry to be morbid here .

been on this road for 6 years now.

1st 3 years its my mother . on and off sick . heart attack , just 1 month in hosp on life support. as if she knew better to went to the other side as doctor say kenot do anything coz brain severly out ady . if bring home will need 24/7 care . got the ambulance ready to bring home , but yeah she went .

to be completely honest, minimal suffering period is the best . at least you done what u can , . ppl n relative going to come , say all sad2 things, dude, during she alive u din visit pulak, sembang so many memories here n there , etc .

prefer to keep the good memories while still healthy .

ppl say i good kid, i say no . sometime dunno, got grunt, got accidentally angry, got frustrated, im not buddha , im no saint, lagi banyak dosa got take care compared to those who not . after not my turn take care , (when caregiver come) , i feel so suffocated to sit at home, will go out of house , running or swimming until so late in the evening, mindlessly lepaking at mamak, coz no mood at home ady . of course this hurts the merid life, can't have normal merid life like others. sometime i so jelly see others have life all figured out , traveling w their kids here n there.

ah but this is just /k, sembang only. i'll manage somehow, maybe

I feel you all. Have two meltdowns in the two months taking care of my father in hospital. I want to be put out of my misery.

What a horrible experience. If only got option to push the button and turn off the life support.

I'm worrying it's gonna be this way soon with my father, which we doesn't get along with and is a very difficult person to deal with. If I can't stand him at the moment, I wonder how I can cope with him if those things happens?

When the time comes, the sick cannot say anything but to accept his condition. The caregiver will just accept that his parents is now going through his final days.

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Sep 4 2025, 01:41 PM

Tough situation and won't know till you're that crossroad. Whether the elderly wants or not is another issue. Some has no choice but to go nursing home because situation doesn't permit for taking care. Some think hire maid solve all, that is the another problem if the maid is able to take care of the elderly and do other things...In the end, nursing home is the reality.

To each their own, maybe your case is different, and hope you have a better outcome.

not so easy, there are some hard headed elderly that doesn't want this and that...also not so care giving compassionate family members around.

tough world we live in.

This is quite common. Those who stay far far away who calls once a while are considered very loving. Those who stay there to be the primary care giver get complained a lot. Why are people like that? Then when you do this do that, those far far long time only come back once will complain why you do like this. Cibai, did they even do anything? Calling to ask how are you is considered loving and doing something?

I gave up everything, all dreams and hopes to move back home to take care of my dad till his final days. At the beginning of the caregiving days, physical tiring but fulfilling because he was my dad. The mental struggle on the other hand was horrible while I still need to figure out a way to make a living

It got even worse when my old man was on hospice cancer treatment, tiap tiap hari kena fak and maki by him sbab he was weak n miserable due to the chemo after effect. It was especially heart breaking when bringing him to choose his cremation plot, I will always remember his expression when he realised he is actually going to die

Lucky it was minimal suffering for him and when he passed, I actually felt a sense of relief for him. I still grieve every now and then but no regrets as am glad I walked with him till the end, made sure he lived his final years with dignity

So bub, hang in there. It is tiring and mentally draining but since u have decided to take care of them, chin up n walk with them till the end. Nak mengamuk go scream at the sky. It helps. Org lain might think we psycho. Lantak la dia org 😀

dementia you mean?

I meant the caretaker's. The person whose taking care of the eldery..

1. its important to take care of yourself 1st in order to give your best on taking care of others

2. the hardest person to take care off are those who no longer want to take care of themselves