guys and ladies, if a woman, be it gf/wife, frequently hangs out with a group of male friends, does it cause side effects? example, does it affect her affection towards her spouse?

do appreciate answers from real life experience and not standard google answers tq

Not sure. But kind of red flag for me. Possibilty of hanky panky things to happen behind your back.

Id chase a crush before that always hangout with his male best fren beta orbiter…

Put yourself in women shoes. Do you like your bf/hubby have lots of female best friends and always hangout together?

Just ask yourself this question, if nothing between you and an opposite sex individual, would you hang out with her frequently?

very often? sure got something with one of the males already

once a while gathering with friend still ok la

This based on my experience with my ex.

My ex had quite a number of male friends from uni, workplace. At the end of the relationship, I dumped her after noticing her behaviour changes, she would hide her text messages and ask for space and more personal time.

Final comfirmation come to me when one day I noticed her sexy romantic chats with one of her so called male friends.

most of the time

if its gf, she is looking for better bf.

if its wife, she is tired/bored of current husband.

Yup, women will always find better version of men while still being in relationship or married.

This behaviour is already hard coded into women.

so would you leave if she refuse to reduce these gatherings? lets say almost on daily basis, up to 4 hours each time

so would you leave if she refuse to reduce these gatherings? lets say almost on daily basis, up to 4 hours each time

Yes will leave as I sense it as a red flag.

If she spending time daily up to 4 hours with her male friends, in my opinion her relationship priority has gone else where and you entered her 50 50 zone.

u need to see what kind of guys is in this group
if the guys are all like playboy and they are rich and is the type that ur girl likes then u connect the dots
if its from primary school and they are all in so so condition, got normal job, just the avg m40 kind, maybe its emotional cheating coz its their first love or something
but usually i think its the kind where the guy is their type but they cannot be tgt coz the guy dont really like her but if she opens leg they wont say no those type

in short is opportunity created
think? how often do we meet anyone to develop a closeness?
in work or any given situation when opposite sex spend enough time with each other and given the correct chemistry, someone will attempt to curi makan
last time work in project, long hours and involved travelling.. lots of inbreeding will happen. both side married.

well you dont have to leave, just you devote enough as what you feel. invest your resource on yourself and kids are fine. never... never invest on your spouse / partner. unless you fel he or she do the same.. this sound cruel but world indeed is cruel

This post has been edited by x_suncai: Aug 22 2025, 03:41 PM

if no children , still young, easy ...can always find another.
if i can turn back time , i will tell my younger self , not worth the time, anxiety, stress from a broken trust relationship


if got assets/children tied together, different story
- sit down discuss first, then think deeply for children sake , can tahan tahan lo... hope for better in future

Often, these girls love the attention from guys. They always give the same stupid excuse : 'I dont like hanging out with girls cos they are bitchy!' Never trust any girl who says this as it is merely an excuse to hang out with her guy friends who are all waiting to fuck her...and she knows it!
Girls are not stupid to realise her guy friends are all waiting for the moment she says yes. If your GF hangs around with many guy friends... chances are she already fucked a few of them behind your back....but she is still keeping you for the time being until someone better comes along.

thanks for all the replies. indeed many answers had been expected, but i needed to hear from others, to know i am not alone in feeling what i am feeling

its bitter to acknowledge. but i think there is absolutely no need for a spouse to have opposite gender good friends

I don't have such experience myself.

But if I discover she spend time often with one or more opposite gender on daily basis, yes, I also will leave her for sure.

Another way to see it. She is giving you chance to hang out with your other girls too.

they do it mostly for attention.
If the girl hangs out with mix of male and female then it can be more normal
I've heard stories like a girl can suddenly have group sex with the males because it just appears to be more convenient

that's why a solid male figure in core family plays an important role. I'm taking about a solid, not authoritative or controlling father

If your partner has been avoiding you and dodging your questions lately, that's already a potential red flag

Gf = red flag
Wife = super red flag

Better avoid a.s a.p

i tell her to reduce, she refuse

Please dun believe if she say friends only, nothing will happen those bs

shud be stop, not reduce especially if she actually care your feeling

Listen to this la.

My personal experience. Cheater's mind is truly unique punya they can always come up with all kind of reasons to justify what they did/doing.

Guy girl all the same. If they can only hang out with opposite sex they aint normal. Don't waste your time and move on.

Human can never change. It's a fact. We just learn to mask it better. When u tell your love one u have a problem with him/her and they proceed to give all sorts of explanation and brush it off. THey are not going to change. If they genuinely want to change they will listen and apply empathy. Give them ultimatum and force them to listen 99.9% of time will backfire on u, they will relapse and problem come back again then repeat. Took me very long time to understand this.

wife/gf hangs out with guy friends, you say her curi makan
wife/gf hangs out with girl friends, you say her closeted lesbian

cheaters dont repent? they just mask it better next time... waiting for the next opportunity...

can feel it...

Even if just pure innocent normal friend gatherings, your wife/gf should reduce or stop doing it because of how you feel. Not for her to admit she did something wrong, but to respect you and your feelings. If she cannot even do that, can consider leaving this relationship. If she dont care about your feelings now, she wont care about your feelings in the future.

IF she never invite u to join her group gathering then yes, big red flag.

she actually do her best to avoid me mixing with them. so this bunch of guys are almost strangers to me. i only know very little about them

very red flag

the beauty of a red flag is that it looks the same even when hung upside down.

time to move along.

Huge red flag buddy. You should run. Fast.

yes fwb

Yes it is a red flag. Period.

No matter what's the reason, a wife who look up upon you and appreciate you will never be like that.

That's how women behave. Any reason given is either lie, denial, or she not aware herself she already fallen out of love from you.

She does that simply because she either :

1. Natural personality like attention from men. They flirt for attention and wants men to like them.
2. Bored of you already and want find some novelty.
3. Someone make her feel more emotionally fulfilled. Aka you no longer make her satisfied or meet her needs emotionally.

Her next move is either dump you or have affection with other dudes and emotionally detached from you. It's almost guaranteed. And there's nothing you can do to stop her anymore unless you move on first and find a new girl. Yes that will make her angry at you and shock her

This post has been edited by hellothere131495: Aug 22 2025, 09:50 PM

Wait, nowadays it become red flag?

Back in my days, quite often we see a group of males with 1 or 2 females. Some gals just feel like more comfortable around guys since no backstabbing, comparisons, and talk dirty.

To girls:
Bf hang out with other girls = must be cheating and its not allowed

While Herself hang out with other guys = its normal social. Bf too controlling if not allow

no one said about the lesbian part. Only you !

I have a group of ex colleagues who had known each other for more than a decade. We were close back when we are young and unmarried. Always go outings and hang out. Only the past 2 years we have catch up like twice a year and we hang till over midnight. We are all married and most have kids now.

For me it’s okay. Especially if the bunch of friends is made before coupling or married. It’s their friends. And if you doubt them then I guess you choose the wrong partner.

this can be true but also can be an excuse to constantly hang around with a bunch of guys. times changed.

does it makes a worrying sign when i keep telling her to reduce/stop yet she continue to do it anyway?

i see this advice a lot in socmed. i really wonder if this is good advice or just content.

Hard to say... some girls grew up in families where she and her mom are the only females and surround by dad and multiple brothers.

Even men being friends after married dun hang out anymore, tok about women hang out with group of men

Twice a year totally fine..My wife has a few guy friends too..TS is saying almost on a daily basis which is definitely weird..

Relationship is about trust. If you have mistrust then it’s no longer working. Doesn’t matter if she’s hanging out with other male or anything.

No trust = time to go

ah, men won't

interesting findings.

this usually office affairs...

What I’m saying is relationship wise nothing weird.
After married and have kids where got so much time?
I’m more concern about her priority in life rather than the gender of her friends.

Could be bad or good. If you do that, you are essentially asking her to change her way of life. Doing that is never a good thing to begin with.

Trust is overrated and taken for granted, if a guy always go hotel with a girl and tell his waifu you must believe me, we just friends nothing happen between us, anyone will believe meh?

Trust is not “asking you to trust them”. Trust is how much you believe/confident what they’re doing without them telling you to. It’s a mutual respect and confidence between each other without the need to convince one another.

For OP’s case obviously there’s no more trust, doesn’t matter what other side is telling OP. That obviously means that the relationship is already beyond repair, doesn’t matter what the other side is doing. Even stop meeting those friends will not save this trust issue.

This post has been edited by LovelyPotato: Aug 23 2025, 01:14 PM

True, trust takes time to build and only a second to break it. Had similar experience, once broken, I dun even to listen watever the other party want to say

play pickleball 2 hours, then makan2 another 1.5+2 hours. also have group whatsapp chat...

play pickleball 2 hours, then makan2 another 1.5+2 hours. also have group whatsapp chat...

This post has been edited by Petre: Aug 23 2025, 05:17 PM

play pickleball 2 hours, then makan2 another 1.5+2 hours. also have group whatsapp chat...

that being said, how many of you think that, if i ask her to stop meeting and hanging out with this bunch, which she barely knows for only about half a year (we are married for years)..

am i being a jerk?
and if she refuse to, is she being inconsiderate towards our relationship?

if you aren't comfortable, talk to her.

also trust your 6th sense, if you think she is lying, probably she is... (given you aren't clouded by your past of similar incident)

thanks .i think i understand you.

you read between the line quite well

Sometimes you have to do the same thing only she knows how it feels like, go find other young girls to hang out, movie, shopping, drive them all the place for fun

TS, just observe how she dresses when she go out to meet them and decide for yourself what is her intention.

Discuss with her, how her actions make you feel.
Ask her to evaluate or tell you why she do what she do.

She's missing something in the marriage? Looking for more freedom? How can you fill in the gap? But remember sometimes you cannot be everything and it's okay.

Look for a way out, either both party tone down or find a compromise everyone agrees on. This is the fundamentals of marriage. Open communication.

last time I have a doctor friend in spore, his gf hung out after work at those drinking holes....with lots of males

he had issues over this and argued a lot with her.

in the end, they broke up

In my previous relationship, my ex had several guy friends whom she hangs out with. And I know them as well, some even have their own partners.

They hang out often as they knew each other BEFORE she knew me. For me, as long as she is transparent with me, I am fine with it, and knowing that I have trust in her, she knows her boundaries.

Likewise, knowing that I trust them, they will take care of her when they are out catching up. Most women hate to lepak with women, cause the worst enemy for ladies are other ladies. Lots of back stabbers. They feel safer hanging out with men, but of course high value women will know which men is safe to hang out with, which one knows boundaries and which ones to avoid.

The moment you dont have trust in her, seriously there is no business for you to be in a relationship with her anymore. IMO

If nothing happening, shd be able to invite you along anytime. Try and see. If a lot of excuses, break off if g/f, hire PI if merried for evidence to use in divorce.

whats your solution to this , interesting

Daily? every day 30 days a month wor?

Almost daily as in 4 to 6 days a week

Is there a legal way to temporarily separte without divorce, so that during that period she is still legally my partber but cannot have any relationship with another male?

She cannot control herself. Easily can just pass her contact to a barely known male, and have abaolutely no problem chatting warmly with any male who approach her.

She gives excuses and say even i as hu by has no right to dictate how she want to behave or what she want to do

But ia this true? I dont think so

keyword cannot control herself

Really kesian TS

Kesian TS, married but wife like that sometimes better be just gf/bf or single, do you have kids TS?

Wait let me get this straight. You are saying your wife spends about 4 hours with group of male friends almost everyday? I assume both of you are working so there’s another 9 hours you and wife don’t see each other?

Massive red flag.

TS, why would you want to do this? Just to get back at her?

6 days like too much lol

Does she even see her parents that frequently? Hahaha

IMHO.... even 2 days every week is too much lo...

once or twice a month still acceptable.
if really group activities, no hanky panky can also include you to join the makan or activities

if just gf, dump and run
if married, then need to sit down
if got kids, good luck TS...

I also got acquaintance,
story is female got to know another guy
always go hiking in the weekend, dinner after work, etc....
guy no property, no fancy car, work as salesman only
female drop the husband got nice house, nice car to be with the guy
kids all under husband, get to see the kids on weekend only.
end up rent condo with the guy after leaving the husband

Girl: fren only ma...
Yeah good to dump....
ask the girl back, how she feels if her mum go out with bunch of Uncles and go happy somewhere...

TS, dont stress urself. If uncomfortable just tell her how u feel.

Are they happy tho?

Told dy until fighting like hell

Tuesday to Friday this week will have at least 2 hours of gathering and another 1 or 2 hours of supper. Thats another consecutive 4 days.
From 9pm until... Do the math.

I told her its not even proper for a woman to hang out from 9pm onwards

I reckon the guy happy get car and makan milf
milf happy get makaned by another person

husband sour get green hat
kids sad cause mom not around anymore but dunno the family dynamics, maybe kids happy je

Just to reveal to everyone, as my sign of sincerity asking for advice, is that she plays ball for 2 hours and will have 1 to 2 hours of minum makan lepak afterwards. The bola session either start at 7pm or 9pm. do the math adding the hours

I told her its not proper for a married woman to hang out at such time and to such late hours. Deaf ears and fights follow. She say she deserve to make her own choices

We have kids. 7 and 9.

Now i just worry the kids. I dont think she has got the ability to care for them. I have been doing most of that work. wiping tbeir asses. Feed. Send to school. Tending to needs.

As much as i dont believe she has got the capacity (for sure mentally) to care for them, i also dont want them to follow the antagonist

This post has been edited by Petre: Aug 25 2025, 02:53 PM

You sound similar to the doctor kelantan case.

To be very straight, something is wrong with your wife. She's not acting normal.

You need to be prepared.

This post has been edited by hellothere131495: Aug 25 2025, 03:06 PM

Am preparing and hopefully i get help courage and guide from tgis kind community

It is part of their strategy, that's why when they finally approached their bf/partner saying needed some space for both or wanted to breakup, most of the time their backup plan is already fully in-placed.

Keep records....

it might just be a phase she need or want to go thru, bored of current status quo but not cheating on you.

prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

Try not to argue in front of the kids, they usually felt the brunt of the trauma more then adults but it doesn't show as they hide it deep down. Try not to use the kids to bad mouth the other party, this is quite normal in separation as one parent will bad mouth the other, etc....

Keep record of passwords and financial. hide the money and valuables away out of her touch, maybe with your parents if you can trust them. Keep record of kids medical history, dental, school, documentation, etc

Kids passports and birth cert, etc all file them away safely.

dulu dulu my fren's ex gf also like that, always want to go out play games with friends, sports, makan after sports, mamak until late.
Also end up breaking apart cause she dont care anymore might, but we all suspect that she have another interest. We all know each other.

what phase are you talking about bro? pls elaborate

I believe you misread. The guys she hang out with are her working mates, whom i know. Its a closed group whom she trust a lot, and she dont give her contacts out easily. Other wise, she wont entertain other folks, and often enough, these guys will chase those men away.

My point is, not all women who hangs out with a group of guys are loose women. The common streotypes often put them in a bad sight amongst ppl who dont know them. And if your woman hangs out with other man, and if you dont like it, tell her outright. And if she doesnt seem to care what you think and still continues doing what she does, then you may need to reconsider the relationship

This post has been edited by DeyBeardy: Aug 25 2025, 04:32 PM

Likely she doesn't want to come home to face you and the family.

Likely children are not to her expectation.