I think better to make a topic and reply to you guys here. Lol.

I just move on if they are not frugal. It's my main non negotiable.

One thing I have learnt is is show them the truth how your life going to be. Tell them what to expect from the first or second meeting. So you don't waste other people time.

Don't be rocked by looks, beauty or hot body even though we are guys. Just stay to what you want in the girl.

It's not wrong if you can afford it. If you can't then just do what you can.

I was surprised the one I was seeing was totally ok with the way I am living.

Good for you 👍🏻
I am getting married soon too. Hahaha... Found one after so long of looking. 2years +. Lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 21 2025, 02:49 PM

you can't change the pasts, but you can change the way how you perceive yourself or how other people see you. This can be a powerful message for somebody to live everyda.

I think better I post my reply here as it is relevant. You need to sit down and talk to her about finance. Don't push it to the side.

She as your partner should be understanding and acceptable.

If you cannot accept her way of living do not marry her. You will suffer if you marry her.

I wouldn't blame her or you as not many people are willing to do this thing called delayed gratification or they prefer live in the moment (YOLO). Financial stuff is a bitter pill to swallow. Need to face it head on.

A wife can make or break her husband. Something you need to know. Also finance problem is the main issue in most relationship.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 12:26 AM

TOS2 wow time flew, you already got gf and already broke up story leh?

Well, as much as I want to support the frugal ladies, I think it's the same concept as with men: balance is key. Extreme frugality, bordering stinginess or unhealthy habits, will do you no good and it can backfire on you and the relationship. Know when to spend to buy the happiness you seek.

On the other hand, don't lie to yourself if you're not romantically attracted to a 💯-scored person in your checklist. You may not have some items in your checklist, such as looks, but you'll know it when you meet a person long enough whether you will be attracted or not.

He go date a china national. Chinese national is very materialistic. Lol. Not to be prejudice but yeah.

Most important is my checklist to be honest. Not easy to score highly on my checklist to be honest.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 12:24 AM

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This post has been edited by TOS2: Jul 24 2025, 10:32 AM

Please stop complaint about spending money on someone you love.

As she not with you, she can easily sell it for money.

Serious, if Im girl 101% Im not going to look at you.

Win liao boss, I stopped writing long essays for some time as I can't be bothered In your case, I have much to say but maybe I'll highlight a few important points...
- your family sounds like reasonable people, they're your greatest allies so keep them close to you especially if you agree 💯 with their reasonings whenever you seek their advice/perspective.
- it's over with her and there's a mountain of reasons. I met you so I know what they mean when you described your facial and body figure... But to call you ugly and have the audacity to say nobody will want you, that's downright condescending. You need to stop putting up with such toxic gaslighting, and they need to get a mirror for their fat conceited daughter. Sorry, I don't hold back against a toxic stranger.
- she was milking you dry as fast as she could. Please don't be surprised if she doesn't shed a tear, I am not convinced she likes you much, ...if... at all. Too much shit talking from her and family. All those demands sound very excessive, nevermind your frugality -- it's not normal to buy that much cosmetics and skincare every month! What, yo mamma so fat she uses the whole bottle every week?

Granted, she sounds like someone from another world -- the rich elites. Her parents pamper and fund her extravagant spending, and may them continue for her life because her income clearly doesn't match her habits. You and I are from the normal middle class, it's a world difficult for us to understand, much less tread on. The next time you want to go back crawling to her, just imagine greeting her every hour for the rest of your life.

Now for you to move forward, usually I'd say identify and change what your don't like... in your case, I'd suggest getting a makeover just to make your dating life easier. Unfortunately in dating apps, wnning the initial first impression is important compared to developing romance from a friendship.

Let your hair grow out a bit then go to a professional salon of your (sister's?) choice to get you a new hairstyle. Not sure what can be done with your teeth, but I guess the most basic is to do consistent scaling to keep them clean (I recently learned from my dentist, my habit of picking up black coffee for health reasons is backfiring on my teeth as they stained).

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jul 24 2025, 04:51 PM

Frugal or stingy?

i know 1 couple they both stingy until marriage cannot do properly till the extend that the MIL aren't happy with the child's marriage

Ramjade Curious, what's your level of frugality here?
Eat at kopitiam instead of mall restaurants? Or prefer home cook only?
Drive but park at roadside to save on parking? Or take public transport?
Holiday at local destinations only? Or prefer not to travel at all?

how good looking she's that allows you to tolerate her bullshit?

sorry to say this

i find that usually chinese ed girls are like that. They believe that men must pay for everything, every single damn thing.

Because they grew up in an environment where there is a traditional gender separated roles in their family values.

And this coupled with the money mentality which is very strong among the traditional chinese family.

This post has been edited by Blofeld: Jul 22 2025, 03:06 PM

-deleted-

Damn that's long. Later I reply you nicely on the computer. I will reply what I can here on my phone or see la if I manage to reply completely. Hahaha

The first bolded part for me I would consider.

My meeting usually cost like max RM50 for 2 people. Never RM50/person. I don't know what is your criteria that she seems to tick the boxes.

If girls reject me I just move on. When you have been rejected countless time for being boring, not spending, it feels normal. It would surprise me if a girl was ok with the way I lived. That's why I always tell the girls upfront my way of lviing. No overseas holiday, no speding. I am saving and investing aggressively. You cannot have your cake and eat it. I hold on my non negotiable being frugal to utmost priority. If you are not frugal, next. The bolded words need to spend hundreds on makeup and clothing is a big red flag to me. Totally no no for me. I like girls without makeup. The word frugal here as someone told me helps to filter out 90% of girls. It works very well.

Each date/meeting like I said cost me around RM50 each time. As I would try to meet like every 2 weeks. So my expanses didn't suddenly sky rocket. That was when I was also seeing other girls. I never track my expenses as I know roughly I spend as I practice paying myself first and live off whatever money I have after putting them for investment.

People will accuse you of being kimsiap, not living life. So be it. Be thick face as you know you are doing better than those people who are living life. It's ok. Yes girls said they cannot tahan my way of living. I need a girl who can be at my level of living or close to and I am ok to wait.

No need buy new laptop. If you have your research you should have known that Lenovo business laptop the ThinkPad T, P, X1 series is a tank and used laptop will outlive any consumer grade laptop and they are very repairable. That's why nowadays I don't look at those new laptops. I focus on getting second hand Lenovo ThinkPad for my family members if they need a new laptop.

The bolded victoria secret is another red flag. A girl who spends that much on nonsense stuff already automatically don't fit my first non negotiable.criteria of being frugal. Both me and my girl agree valentine day is like commercialise. Lol..We rather spend it on birthday. So we don't celebrate valentine.

Do not buy any ring. Only buy rings if you are getting married. This is what I told my girl. No jewellery and the jewellery we are buying is just our wedding rings.

I told my girl don't spend too much on wedding. Take the money and invest it or go for honeymoon. To which she agree. We wanted to keep the cost as low as possible. No fancy makan. We are taking Indian buffet at RM35-70/person depending on which restaurant we choose.

I don't bother with those soap. I use Nubian heritage and now using Aleppo soap. Natural, nothing in them, a little goes a long way and not very expensive and last very long. Will never use overpriced stuff like body shop as my Nubian heritage and Aleppo soap is in higher quality. No additional chemicals.
https://www.alepposoap.uk/product/aleppo-soap-50-laurel-oil/
This is being frugal. Willing to buy quality stuff.

We talked about her financial situation and she agreed to pay her housing loan with minimum 40%, invest 40% and live off the 20% of her salary. Also only buy when you really need it not because you want it and we agree to invest together with me helping her as I have inspired her to start FIRING.I told her about delayed gratification which she agrees to. Of course once a while have cheat days like makan out at places she likes.

That girl you are seeing she learn that showering gifts mean showing love. So she expect the same. Never blame yourself for being too open and transparent. I am always open a transparent to my girl. I told her if you got problem, let seat down and talk about it figure a way for it. I am 100% open and transparent to my girl. From the first time she meet me, she knows how I live, how I spend, how poor my family is, my future goal, my financial strategies. If she cannot

I always say this a woman and make or break a man. Ask yourself do you see her making your life easier or making it a burden. Then you have your answer. Don't change people. Don't expect them to change. In terms of finance, I think you want to open her eyes by using this calculator.
https://www.investor.gov/financial-tools-ca...rest-calculator
Key in how much she spend in every month, put interest rate at 5%p.a (EPF rate) or 10%p.a for S&P500 and put 20 years. Lots of people will be shocked at how much they are losing out. This was how I helped some of my colelgaues. They told me damn painful wei to know that if they just invest that money that is how much they have after 20 years Vs spending it.

I am not you and you are not me. You need to have a firm non negotiable that cannot be shaken. They are called non negotiable for a reason. A girl or guy must check the checklist before you decide if they are your future partner. Also you cannot make it too long.

It's ok if ia girl says no. It's ok if the girl thinks you are ugly.

You really need to start listening to relationship podcast and read some books.

This one taught me a lot.
https://m.soundcloud.com/howtotalktogirls/s...iend-series-1-8

You can see his other podcast here
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-t...ast/id952917216
His podcast mostly for western people but some of it is still applicable.
I followed some of what he said.
Go out meet lots of girls, get rejected lots of time, it's ok, stand firm on your non negotiables.

Also read this book.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essentia...e/dp/1523504463

Lastly take your time and decide if your future girl is suitable for you based off what I said. Don't make yourself miserable.

Correction I thought still together. Search carefully next time.

My girl told me I am everything she wants. Lol. Someone who don't spend money, can save, think of the future. I was whaaat???? Lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 24 2025, 01:22 PM

this is generalism la...
utterly strawberry.

Minimum 50% savings rate.
Using phones until they are obsolete (banking app no longer support) or dead or too slow
Able to shop second hand, buy pre loved clothing, buy reduce to clear fruits and veges.
Wait for discount to buy things.
Know what is expensive.
No fancy facial, aesthetic treatment or fancy makeup.
No branded items.
Able to choose a RM500 rental Vs a RM1500 rental. This one shows me that she is being frugal even though she damn well can afford the RM1500 place.
Appreciate just walking in parks
Able to eat at kopitiam or economy rice stall.
Able to say no to overseas holiday to save up for the future.
No Starbucks, mixue, chatime, no netflix.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 04:39 PM

You both really lucky to find each other, congratulations! I kenot tahan your level of frugality, my bf and I want our Japan travels and walk 20km a day as we wish... can't wait until we're 50yo or touch wood got disease

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~

There are many red flags—easily 7 to 9 aspects—but writing about all of them would be lengthy.

So instead, I’ll write a simpler one:

The girl that you are dating and planning to marry— her behavior will reflect how she raises your next generation.

Can you accept the values she is currently displaying to be passed on to your future children? If her values are pleasing, the children she raises will likely be pleasing. If her values are unpleasant, the children will likely be unpleasant too. This is a neutral observation: observe the present to project the future.

A person's current values are shaped by the previous generation. Her values reflect the upbringing she received from her family.

The mistake of many in the past was believing that pampering children equated to love. But true parental love is shown by correcting and disciplining a child before society criticises or condemns them. Affection without guidance is not love, that is neglect in disguise.

~

You’re not without weaknesses—and one of them stands out clearly to me. You tend to quote your elders' advice when in conflict with your girlfriend. I strongly advise you to stop doing this.

It’s like using a cheat code in a video game when you can’t win by your own skill. In the physical world, it’s like losing a fight, then running home to ask your father to fight for you.

That’s not strength. That’s avoidance.

Once you take this path, you also open the door for her to do the same. Soon, both families are pulled into a personal issue between two people. What began as a small disagreement can easily spiral into something unmanageable.

If someone gives you advice and you decide to follow it, own the decision. Say you felt something was not right—not because your parents said so, but because you understood and accepted the wisdom behind it. Keep your relationship between the two of you, unless the situation truly calls for family intervention.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 24 2025, 10:54 AM

I agree to a certain extent
the rich and non conservative family upbringing the girls will feel not relying on men income and open for new experiences like casual sex

Regardless gender
both men and women should've their own way of living once reach 18 years old, should have boundaries when it comes to things like family interference

Good luck also if you expect a girl to dress pretty walking with you under the temperature of 37 degree on the first date

Thank you for articulating this better. Getting advices is good, if and only if you resonate with it i.e. it aligns with your core values. It also means you'll take this to heart and apply this for future similar situations -- you learn.

For TOS case, he is new to relationship so I think it's ok to take advices, but be careful not to use the words, "this is wrong because my dad/mom/sis/friend said so", to which an easy retort to that: "am I dating your dad/mom/sis then?" The point is to convey the logical reasoning behind, not who said what.

We always walk after meal. Yes we walk in Aircon, we walk outdoor but underneath trees. So yes we did walk at 37C lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 08:15 PM