i was flaked thrice by a malay coincidentally i able to ask her out after my work, she wanted to eat dinner i didnt fall onto trap by bringing her to eat haidilao. During the conversation, she talked badly about the food (overall she's a negative kind of woman no wonder she still single at mid 30s), i was like ffs its only rm20 never mind

and then later she excused herself away quickly to avoid me slaying her pussy (cause i knew she's staying alone)

few days later, she blocked me on whatsapp
disgraceful, but its not the first time girls do this kind of shit without telling upfront lmao

You know the name sugar book is for what right? High class sex. Lol. If you can afford it, why not.

Mid-afternoon first dates are the best. Just order drinks and talk (expected both had lunch already). Save money for guys. If exciting girl, sometimes appetite not great for food also haha.
Lunch or dinner best reserved for second date (if there is chemistry, like reciprocal chats on Whatsapp or if she asks you out).

My GF was of this type. Her close friends jokingly called her their President, aka she was the President of the Single Girls club. She was like a serial friendzoner.

She tried the "Lets just be friends" thing with me during early part of our dating. I told her Im not interested as I already have many friends. If she insist, I told her I will walk away (and I was seriously prepared to do so).

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 26 2024, 08:09 PM

Afternoon coffee/tea is also my preferred first date venue.

For my case, she never see getting into relationship as a thing for her, maybe just optional. She's always busy with work, work day and night. I msg her but she could just leave it for days before she bluetick me and reply. Even on weekends, she would just ignore her phone for the whole day. Usually I only text her on weekend, but very less interaction. If I never initiated, I think we would have been strangers. At the same time, I'm worried that I'm being too pushy.

How did u get your gf? What are your tips?

How come she went out with you on the first date then? How did those first 2 dates went, you think?

Coz Im concerned as she said no chemistry after the 2 dates. Sounds like boring date for her.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 26 2024, 10:54 PM

If she don't bother replying you move on. Likely she is seeing another person.

I went out with one girl 2x. She always reply my message maybe few hours lack time. But she looking for someone can bring her go travel overseas every year and go out weekly to makan some where. Not my type of girl. There was a few things I wanted to clarify and then she told me we have opposite lifestyle and she is unable to compromise on that. Fine by me. Told her. Thanks for your time. No problem. Good luck.

Delete all her WhatsApp chat and contact. I don't block.

Cubalagi initiated touch early on via goodbye hugs. During one of those hugs, he kiss her. He said if he didn't kiss the girl likely friend zone. But let him tell his story. Haha...

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jan 27 2024, 10:26 AM

Thats true story 😆

On first date, which was a dinner, she told me early on that she.was not looking for a relationship and that she doesnt go out with men at night. She said she gave me an exception coz H (our mutual friend) kept bugging her to go out with me and H assured her that Im a "good guy".

On our second date, she spent half the time on the phone with her friend. 🙄 i took it all in stride, there was tv showing football at the restaurant and I kept myself occupied.

These 2 dates were during weekdays, after office as she didnt feel like going out on weekends. She also didnt want to be picked up so we meet at the venues, not very far from her office.

Overall, she was being difficult.

But, clearly we had a good time during our first 2 dates. We were comfortable and she laughed a lot. Afterwards, she will text to say thank you and told me that she had a good time.

Importantly I think, I broke the physical barrier early. As u mentioned, goodnight hugs at the end (but she will quickly push away) and some tersentuh here and there. On the second date, she also allowed me to hold her hands briefly while going down some stairs (maybe to compensate for ignoring me).

We also started texting daily between dates.

By third date, she seemed quite excited to see me. So this time, I gave her a welcome hug. A more forceful.one, more like an enveloping bear hug.

This date turned out more emotional, as we opened up on our past. She actually cried. Got serious trauma there. At the end of the date, I went for the kiss during our "routine" good night hug. It felt right for me. We didnt have privacy, so it was done in public.

She wasnt expecting that move and was shell shocked. She ran back to her car and I let her go. Driving back home, her heart was thumping wildly and she started cursing herself. So easy meh 😆

She actually refused to go out with me for a while after. We even had text arguments about why we cant be just friends.

But finally she gave in.

Our 4th date was "safe" as it was with a group of friends..but the sexual tension was running high.

Our 5th date...oh my..sharing details will break forum rules.

Needless to say she soon resigned as President of the Single Girls club.

Note: no gifts were given, also no "confessions" (I like u, do u like me? type).

We both jokingly agreed to go for dinner after the first meeting in my office. First date was great, but after that, she got really cold in replying. After few weeks, went for 2nd one. But 2nd dinner was a bit rushed, as she was busy, and arrived late. Not that great I guessed, I think I asked stupid question about her thoughts on marriage.

I thought of asking her out for 3rd date, but she was always busy. So I thought I might just go for Christmas dinner, I knew she's busy, and she went for 2 weeks holiday in Japan. Had a good chat before she went off for holiday, I asked her what she wished for Christmas and I told her I wished for her time. She said she would arrange. I told her about the dinner before she got off but she never reply. After she was back, I tried asking her out for the Christmas dinner but she rejected because she had a lot to do as she just got back. I was disappointed as I had already prepared gifts and handmade cookies and Christmas cards for her, it had been a long time since we last met and I actually wanted to initiate physical touch on this one but it never happen. I sent the gifts to her office, she said she was impressed and a bit guilty for me spending money for the gifts. After that, never really had chance to meet her till now.

Damn I just saw your thread and I think I have missed my chance. I thought of physical contact on first date but I was hesitant about it. Should have done that earlier. Do u think I should go for it if I managed to date her after this? It's a bit awkward now, she rarely reply. She knew I was going after her and this could be pressuring her. I am thinking to tell her that I have no more expectations and to just let things go naturally, so that she won't feel pressure going out with me again.

I feel for u bro

What i posted above didnt talk abt how hard it was to fixed dates with her. Busy and non committal. I had to be very agile to pin her down. Thats why our earlier dates all happened on weekday evenings.

Now we are together, I discovered her life is indeed busy! She was not bullshitting me. She also has a neurotic personality (you can check that out) that makes her react badly to pressure.

Now my thoughts for your situation.

You are likely in friendzone already. What you should do now is to friendzone her back. Just regard her as a normal friend. Control the expectations n emotion. But maintain contact and keep show casing your value. ( have a new sports car, helping the homeless, climb mountains..whatever ). You should also date other women and if possible indirectly let her know.

Sometime in the future, you can ask.her for a date again (or she might ask you). If you date, do it right this time.

Fyi I was dating other girls when pursuing my gf. I only stopped when we agreed to be exclusive.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 28 2024, 11:50 AM

if you're too aggressive, she will be repel or avoidant
Its the way its, either you try achieve a balance or move on seeing other girls. She's not invested onto you now

you can ask yourself why you want the "label"
do you feel the void or feeling of near to death when you not getting replies from her (so u appeared pushy)

if a girl doesnt block us, still have chances to maneuver. There are girls who straight away block the guys after getting free dinners those are the vindictive types, they even dont bring conversations to the table aka pasu bunga

some are the worse kind.
majority of females (asian standard) sleeps with guys on 3rd date.

firstly, its a good thing that you've awareness on some of her feedbacks onto you

there are things already taken place, you just recognize the mistakes and not doing the same thing next time

cure your nice guy tendencies
if you have anxiety around these things, seak a qualified psychiatrist or family therapist

How long you have been seeing her before she telling you this "Lets just be friends"??? After 3 months from the first date???

This post has been edited by justapawn: Jan 28 2024, 01:49 PM

That conversation was after 3rd date...less than 1 month after 1st date.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 28 2024, 02:21 PM

This.

Unfortunately, being a nice guy is the long hard road to attract girls.

Bad boy is like a cheat code.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 28 2024, 04:19 PM

It's not about being "bad" or an ass.
Main problem as a "nice guy": he goes ALL IN showering his affection - as modern internet calls it "simp", and then they expect the girl to "return favours" in the form of her affection. You can't just trade your kindness for affection...
Another problem with the "nice guy" stereotype is that the man doesn't man up. If you orbit around a girl but in fear of rejection, you don't express your interest explicitly, it's a turnoff. Why?
- Because if the girl then asks, "eh why do so much for me, you like me ah", then it paints a conceited(?) picture of her, that she would assume your emotions. So it's really hard for the "receiver of affection" to voice their assumptions.
- Now if she does it anyway, then you have the freedom to chicken out and deny, making her look worse.
I've see a nice guy drama unfold as a third party... One guy was way too nice to a girl, it was so painfully obvious to everyone around, and to a certain extent, he was almost causing some issues for the rest of us. I was closer to the girl side so I "interviewed" her, and it turned out they did hang out 1:1 a few times, and he never confessed at all. She didn't want to appear conceited by asking him the question, and so she remained passive and waited because she's the slow to warm up type ..., but somehow he backed off too soon so nothing happened. She would've wanted to hang out with that "nice guy" more to know more about him before she could decide. (Before you assume she's a gold digger or anything, she's always eager to split bills).

When I first met my bf (from dating app), the first few dates were 0 physical touch. But he clearly said to me that he was interested and wanted in me as a woman. Despite that, I appreciated that he gave me space because I'm generally slow to warm up. He was the cutest when I fumbled while walking and he spread his arms wide frantically ready to catch me if I fall. I didn't so he looked really silly

It really depends on the lady - I've also heard a different story from a friend who's a lot more extroverted/open. She wouldn't have dated her current bf if he didn't go for the bold kiss when they weren't even dating. In my book, that guy would've been an ass but they did say.. you really just have to read the moment. At that time, he just thought it's the right thing and went for it, and he was right.

I remember when i was around 10 years old
I extend my arm to hug a girl in front of my class while we both seated talking to two fellows behind me
then she told teacher come
she stared at me straight for few mins
I remember the scene and it kinda traumatised me lmao

and most guys played it safe reaching their secondary school

You are generally correct. But to comment from a relatively experienced man perspective, the guy needs to build attraction, not just affection. There can still be a lot of affection in a frienzone relationship (i care about you, but as a brother 😆).

A bad boy can generate a lot of attraction to him.

And true that you cant bribe your way.

The early kiss is a high risk high rewards move.

High risk coz get it wrong, the girl may never want to see you again or slap you or call the police.

High rewards coz if it works, u cut the courting drama and get faster results.

It has a good chance to work if the girl is already attracted to the man. The tricky part for the guy is knowing whether she is attracted to him or not.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 29 2024, 04:58 PM