Hi Takudan, thanks for writing such a long reply. I think generally all girls are quite a fusion of the 4 conditions you mentioned and it changes over time. Regardless the conditions, normally woman in 30s is more demanding in terms of the quality of man. When they were young (below age 30), those pretty girls with good personalities are easily paired up and married. Those after 30s are a bit problematic and this phenomena happens to guys as well.

Yes, I myself changed a lot from 20s to 30s, experienced mid life crisis, missed a few good ladies and so on. I do agree with you that we will never find the perfect partner. Personally, I give myself some non-negotiable restrictions and I am mentally prepared to accept the consequences. Anyway, one hard truth I learned over the years is good appearance speaks louder than any other criterions. A decent and healthy appearance could earn you more opportunities in dating. In contrary, you will have really hard time if your look is below average. For career wise, I am still striving hard to climb higher and earn more. It won't be smooth sailing for me as I don't have mentor/guidance. Well, time is against me nowadays, I just can do my best to improve myself in every crucial aspect.

This post has been edited by justapawn: Feb 16 2024, 03:35 PM

how long have you been in this relationship?

First date was around last october.

since she is busy, how often do you see each other? once a month?
does she say she like/love you?
do you want to continue this relationship?

I only met her twice for dinner last year. After that not really got chance because she is always busy or something got caught up after we set the date. She always offered to pay, and not sure why she refused me to walk her to her car after dinner,. Everytime i asked about her parents occupation, she would just say they are running their own business but refused to tell what kind of business. But now i guess i know the answer. I saw what car she drives after we last met. She is from well off family background and before we met, my feelings already told me that she is working in her dad's company, no wonder she's willing to work days and nights.

She told me its better not to be in relationship due to her personality. Perhaps she felt guilty for wasting my time and effort. I told her if this is the case, i will not bother her anymore but then she told me she feels like she want to just let it go naturally. I said just give it a little more time to get to know more about each other, im ok if we just met once a month. I was a bit surprised when she asked me for dinner before CNY, not sure what she was up to. But then as she was very busy, she cancelled both last minute 1 day before CNY break, she came during office hours and we met up for short while as she said she wanted to see me and she picked something for me turned out she gave me a box of mandarin

I still like her very much and of course I wish to continue dating her. But I guess perhaps I did it wong from the beginning?? As after that I did some research on the net and found out that we are supposed to go the opposite direction than normally what a typical guy would do when he is dating a girl. Always try not to chase and act nonchalantly towards someone that u want to attract, not to exposed your neediness and this will show your value, girls will then be attracted, let them do the chase. We tend to get worried when got treated by girls through this hot and cold approach and we should treat them the same method too. If she just wanted to be friends then just be cool to move on, stop chatting stop dating and say goodbye. If she still has some interest, eventually she will come back after the cold approach. But Im not sure if this works, i have distant myself from her and see how things go after that.

Re: bold part: I believe you're already past this point: she's already kinda chasing after you. If you NOW keep distance, then it may send off a wrong message like you're not interested in her anymore.

There are many ways to see this, and it depends whether you think she's playing a 4D chess or just plain exuding her own insecurities
I saw what car she drives after we last met. She is from well off family background
4D chess: she wants to show that she's humble (good trait) + avoid making you feel inferior OR think that you scored a rich girl (something like screening for male gold diggers?)
Other reasons: she's really humble and doesn't want you to feel inferior upon seeing her car.
How to discern? Look for signs where she casually dropped hints of "richness". Maybe she wore a branded watch, maybe it felt unnatural when you found out about her car/family/wealth....

Based on what I'm reading -- I may be biased because your story may be biased -- I think she really wants to proceed further, but has insecurities and inferiority complex somehow. Maybe she thought there's a chance and she doesn't want to be the one singlehandedly throwing that away without trying. Her actions don't add up: why bother to go to your office on a working day, just to purposely send you a box of oranges? That's really going out of her way to do something nice for you.

I think you both should really have another proper meetup together to talk about this. Be honest with yourself that what you like and dislike so far:
- you were hurt when she invited you but cancelled the dinner, and you really want to know why (you don't have to trust her blindly; focus on listening and watch her body language to understand her intention and feelings).
- you're interested to get to know her more and see where it goes, and you want to know her intentions/plans too. Figure out together how to attempt to make this work. e.g. meet on weekdays if weekends are hectic.
- ask her about her personality (which she cited as the reason she thought it's a bad idea to be together): what's so bad that she made her think so? She's likely to tell you the truth here so hear her out and consider whether you still want to be with her.
- ask about long term plans -- this isn't so much for her specifically but for any woman you want to be with. If you have differing directions in life, e.g. she plans to go North Pole and you wanna stay here, or if she really wants kids and you really don't, then you know there's no point continuing the relationship.

Assuming this woman isn't crazy and is ready to learn, I think this conversation will let you know if she's a keeper. It sounds like a difficult discussion but when you're doing this with the right person, it'll be a lot easier to talk it through. Good luck.

to the guys who are on dating apps, do you send selfie to your matches like every single day? if so, what's the purpose of it? thanks.

Nope. But I did chat with someone that did send once in awhile which I felt it was nice.

Noooo. Are you crazy?

If you have an interesting life and not cheesy looking background sure send your selfies, but most guys probably have old photos ready to ping the girl if she asked for it

I find some ppl on dating apps a bit weird. They specified that they're looking for serious rships but when they finally matched with someone, all they do is talk abt themselves non-stop and won't bother to ask the other party any questions abt themselves. So who are they trying to have a serious relationship with? Themselves or other people? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Any yes, I'm fully aware that there are a lot of narcissists on dating apps but I know that not all of them are full-fledged narcissists...they just happen to be self centered I guess.

Its mostly guys who are bad texters

certain ppl use dating app just for attention, test market, need listener, kill some time
dont take the 'looking for serious rships' seriously bro

That's not the only weird people on dating apps. I've met a few that don't even communicate back properly. Its like I am talking to a wall. Yet they state to want "interesting communications" or "no boring texters"

Hahahaha let me correct them. They only want to have interesting communication....with the ppl that they're attracted to 🤣 Some just matched with pp just to get validation n attention from them like narcissists.

If you are annoyed, then just change yourself to daytime approach
you'll be amazed by these 00 girls change their attitude become shy while at online they can act like a cold entitled princess

Chatting and asking too much will be labelled as desperate PUA.
Chatting and asking too less will be labelled as not sincere/attention seekers...

So, the conclusion is to communicate nicely what kind of response you really want at prompt session in your profile.....

This post has been edited by justapawn: Mar 12 2024, 12:28 PM

Most of the time I think it only works if you're good looking (if you're a guy la) or at least seemed to be well settled or have that bad boy vibe. I tried many times didn't work out but the moment I tried being a bad boy, got la a couple of matches that ended up in bed. If I'm being honest, I'm not that of an eye candy and I honestly looking for a real relationship but unfortunately, most of the dating apps are looking for sugar daddies, quick fix or just time past.

You have bad luck. For me those girls I see tend to want to settle down. Only stuff their lifestyle doesn't fit me.

Hey guys wanna ask- how fast are we expected to reply girls messages these days? Is 1 day gap too late? Usually will match on CMB then bring forward convo to IG; but usually convo dies off over time