No I did not cheong with that other girl.

She never lust towards other guy as well. She's very disciplined in this. She doesnt even follow like celebs in social media or what.

I just fear she wont be here anymore in the future. I cannot control this anymore.

I wanna be better but at the same time I have so much fear for the future.

Yes. I'm a very lonely person. I feel very empty at night when I go home and there's no one at home. I'm not a social person so I dont have a lot of friends to hang out with. I mean I have friends but I just dont find them to hang out. I wanna be alone at times but I hate being lonely. If you get what I mean.

I cant let go of the mistake I did you know. I cant live normally putting this mistake behind me. I feel like this mistake has cost me my entire future and I can only blame myself for this. I hate myself and I hate my life. I might have slight depression I dont know but for now its hard to feel happy.

Find hobbies? I cant seem to be interested in anything. All I do is force myself to play a bit of games to take my mind off the whole issue. But after that? I return to the same point beating myself over and over again for what I have done. I cant tell my family or any friends I have. I really hope someone can just be my side and give me a big hug and tell me I'm not a failure.

My friend, you are not a failure. You just need to learn to forgive yourself.

After our conversation last night, she texted me just now.

: I want to tell you that you dont need to make so much effort trying to explain yourself anymore, you have explained enough. I do acknowledged your struggles, problems you face but I'm not in the position to help nor a good listener.

Truth is while you are still in a relationship you chose to flirt with another girl and disrespect your partner, action speaks louder than words.

I will not hold grudges on to it and we should all move on from this.

I replied:

I explain not to justify my actions but so you know where I am coming from. I take 100% responsibility of what I did and I know the damage I caused to both of us. That is why I keep telling you if you're gonna believe one thing, let it be its not you're insufficient. It's my issues my problem lead me to do whatever I have done. I fell to this temptation and ya this is something I knew wrong yet chose to do. I was powerless in the face of sin and I stumble. I am sorry my sin caused so much pain to you when you are not the one committing it. I was close to the finishing line yet I fell. But I hope you realise I wanted to complete this with you and go beyond. Please dont remember me for this mistake I have done.

I hope you believe what I said last night. I will still keep praying for you and for God's will on this relationship.



So really, tell me how can I forgive myself? I just wanna die sometimes.

You're not a failure

It's hurting really bad now right?.. But it's gonna be alright my friend. You're doing the best you can, and you are gonna get better. Just hang in there a bit longer my friend

chii think you need to let go. she isn't coming back.
you need to let go of this path
she is not going to complete the journey with you.
sinners will walk a different path, sinners are different....you are already different, done deal.

u forgive yourself by bringing happiness to another different girl, make her happy, start your hopes with her.
u can forgive but never forget, just forge forward and one day you will understand, this wasn't meant to be.

Still remember me?

My mum always told me that you have everything, u got money, u got job, u got car, u got etc etc etc. So there is no point for u being sad.

Plus she always mention to me that there is a lot of woman in this world which much better than wat I have now. So be happy.

I don't blame u tho, I'm at same situation with u right now but more worst she is my wife. But yeah, life need to go out.

I just back from clinic tho, doctor said I have depression. I need to solve this ASAP or else it will hurt me over and over. Just be happy with what u have right now. U'll be better. We need to move on, orang dah tak suka why we still paksa. Let go, if she's ur she will be back. If she's not, someone much better than her will come very soon.

TS,

you are not big failure person , do you what it mean of failure?

u r thinking too much aldy and i think you need to find
positive vibes maybe go holiday trip so you will meet
new friends and adventure...

if you need someone to talk or giving suggestion ,
you can pm me if you want ...

the best advise from me dont be alone because auto our brain simply think alot of things

This post has been edited by adeline84: Nov 11 2019, 02:19 PM

never fear, keep that burning desire that you have for her to fuel your passion
you gotta give it your all, fight with whatever that you have

no matter what the future brings, you much first get rid of your fears.
you dont have to let her, but you still have to do better yourself

focus on making yourself a better person, a better man.

Thanks you guys really made me had a good cry alone in office.

I really dont wanna think of other different girl now.

Yes she isnt coming back now but I just wanna hang in to that tiny hope. Please just let me hang in to that tiny hope that there's still a way if God allows in the future.

Yes.

But bro, I read your story again you still have hope right? 1 month is not even up and you dont know for certain she will leave you. I mean both of your are husband and wife so its not that easy for her to give up as well.

Why your mom so firm on wanting you guys to divorce?

What it mean of failure?

Thanks for your good intention. But for now really very difficult for me to make new friends or think of any adventure. Heck I cant even reconnect with old friends. I mean I could have open up to a lot of ppl but I choose not to. I hardly can open up to guys and I know she wont like it if I open to my girl friends. But I know my girl friends are the one who would be there to comfort me if I choose to. That's why I find my comfort here.

Dont be alone but really most of the time I'm alone. Dinner alone. Lunch alone. Tonight I'm going to Starbucks alone so I get surrounded by people.

This is what I keep telling myself.

Either I wanna fight for her to come back or move on for better life, I need to stand up and improve. But its just not easy at this stage when self-blame,self harm is so strong.

that's why your heart intention keep on closing like window
not willing to open .hard to breath it just imagine without oksigen....

well the choice is in your hands , you want to make move or not?
up to you..

decision in yr hands...

It feels like you know she is suffering because of me and I cant just be taking new adventures and recover by my own. Somehow later feel like I'm not even guilty or remorse for whatever I have done.

You get the deep dark hole I'm stuck at?

i know how u feel when u alone in deep dark hole , cold and shivering
cause i have experince be4

is just how u climb out of it or remain stuck?
up to you i did told you , decision is in yr hands

I wanna be out of it but I dont want while I'm out she is still inside it when I am at fault. Does it make sense to you?

How did you overcome yours?