taking a shit now.

to tell you the truth, it is not magic okay , say is easy but once you do it will be very hard
and it takes 1 years plus to be honest i divert my thinking to
learning new language ....

so the more i concentrate and the more i forget

1 year plus....did you go through similarly what I went through?

Not so firm, just saying that there is alot of fish out there to catch.

So losing 1 won't give any different that wat she said.

But I insist that I wanna be wif her.

So now try to pujuk back. Trying hard now but in same time trying not to make her feel annoying wif me.

Did she respond to you? How long left until 1 month is up?

I will pray for you bro. Hang in there. You are in a better position than me because not all is lost in your case.

Do you mind sharing what's the cause of that 1 month break?

If I tell my mom, I'm sure she will throw all the blame to me. And accuse me for not treating her well and all. And say I deserve all this.

Really envy those ppl who's family stand beside them thick and thin.

More worst but it always depends to you in yr mind

To tell you the truth, nobody except you stand out of dark hole

Always treat yrself aa super hero that can able to give more challenges to you

Friends always supportive but decision is in yr hands whether you want to adapt it , avoid it
Or face it...

Mind keep on playing all the scenario when u are alone so what i can say explore it in yr own eyes and see what u can do ...

Face it or adapt it or accept it

that's why turn it the other way. you know you can be better, you know you want to be better.

it's all in your mind, you control your mind, not your mind controls you.

you are the owner of your body, never ever forgets that.

how you want to think, what you want to be, is all up to you.

force yourself to be positive.

i did some shitty stuff, was in a fucking deep hell hole that i almost gave up. i almost wanted it all to end just like that. i was this close. i was the point just fuck it, the world is useless.

but i got over it, nothing can bring me down. the harder the challenge, the bigger my fuel to fight through it.

i just dont give a shit about anything anymore (not in a way of killing myself), but more to no negativity.

when i set my mind to it, means i can and will do it.

remember.. it's all in your mind. your mind the most powerful tool you have. dont underestimate your own mind.

learn to control your mind and you can control everything else.

Hey Bro, at Starbucks now? How're you doing?

smoking some chacom tobacco now. gonna take a shit later.

How u feel now TS?

Thanks.

You have been through a lot and yet here you are, giving me advice. One year later, I will be better than where I am now.
Hard for me to find my friends now for comfort. I cant open up yet.

So for now, you guys here gonna be my comfort.

If you are me, how would you think to be positive when things like that happened? When you're the one committing the mistake?

What shitty stuff did you do?

I reached Starbucks but I did not go down. I was a mess as I cried hard in the car while the day was going dark. Day gets dark earlier here. It wasnt a good day today. I stayed in the car for almost 3 hours listening to Youtube on self forgiveness but I fell asleep in between. Decided to drive back home cause I feel like I need a hot shower.

Why you always take shit.

Anyway even comment like that also distract me to reply you. Thanks.

I still feel hopeless to be honest. There are times I am still in the self blame and self hatred loop. Really hard to break away from this pattern. Everyday my thoughts are I just wanna get through the today. Live the day as it is. No plans for tomorrow. I also feel like the whole world is gonna judge me. People around me is going to be so disappointed with me. People around her will tell her I am not worth it.

Anyway, I need to return her parcel to her later so I will drive to her house and drop it into her mailbox later at night to avoid meeting her family members.

sometime just knowing someone is always there waiting does helps.

*flush noise*

You are most welcome and i hope it helps

Just think yourself capt. America , where he has inspiration to save the planet call earth
You can see the avengers the end game , what it become ...sad, blaming, crying .....

What i can see without give up is hope..always there's hope inside us
So let the hope to gain it much stronger without giving up

All the best to you .,.anything you cant think or needed suggestion , you can pm me
Ok??

がんばってください！！


Sekian

This post has been edited by adeline84: Nov 11 2019, 10:30 PM

I cheated on my then gf and now wife. and I again cheated on my wife. I almost went out with another girl, I talked to many girls, I went out to party and drink without my wife. I even gambled my savings away. So many shits that I have done and I do feel guilty. And it is the guilt that keeps me going. Because I know I made so many mistakes, then it is only right for me to make things right again.

For every mistake that I did, I have to do tons and tons more of good things to repent.

I force myself to be better and use the guilt to fuel myself. That is the only way...

Bro. Must have been a long long day for you. Do take a hot shower when you get back & drink a cup of hot milo. Try to get some rest. Get better slowly step by step, live to fight another day.

We're here for you Bro.