I have a saying : night is when all the ghost come out. It's like all our regret often pop up during night time when all is quiet, to make us relive them again and again, right? But, it will pass with time. Trust me.

Hey man, how're you holding up?

Don't be too hard on yourself. We are only humans and we make mistakes from time to time. Sometimes yes we hate ourselves for it, but it's not the end of the world.

Me? A long time ago, I left my (then) gf to be with another girl after i found out I like another girl more. Then after I already started a new relationship with that other girl, it suddenly hit me and I start wondering whether what I did was right or not, and how I am a monster for breaking my ex-gf's heart like this.

These thoughts haunted me for quite a long time. In the beginning I would even walk in circles in the living room at night, pacing, my mind always repeating the same questions and thoughts.

It took me a long time to come to terms with myself.

In the end I chose to stick with my decision and stay with the new girl. It simply took time to make peace with what I have done.

I suppose what you are experiencing now is your rational mind trying to process the loss and guilt you feel. This takes time. As for the mistakes you have done, don't be too hard on yourself. We are only human with our raw instinct (such as lust, desire & jealousy) and sometimes we slip & give in to our instinct instead of keeping them in check with our rational minds. It happens, we are only earthly humans.

In relationships I believe most of us like to think that we are like knights in shining armor, ready to be the best bf to our gf. With that thinking in mind, when we make mistakes we tend to crush ourselves with overwhelming guilt that we've failed our gf and that we became the very monsters that we promise never to become. But sometimes this can be unrealistic and crippling. I don't think anyone should be condemned forever if they admit and learn from their mistakes.

I think nobody gets to go thru life unscathed in this grey world. We make mistake sometimes, we hurt others sometimes, but this is a learning process to overcome our mistakes and guilt. To learn to be better and to live with our earthly flawed selves.

No problem. Just trying to provide another perspective. Just don't be too hard on yourself, this takes time to process and overcome. Hang in there Bro

Take it easy. Try to relax. Remember to breath in.. Breath out..

Morning. Had your breakfast?

I don't know whether it is helpful, but maybe you can try sharing what you are going thru with your mom? Reading pg4, I know you don't have the best relationship with your mom.. But maybe this is an opportunity to start communicating again and rebuilt a good relationship with your mom? Just a suggestion

If you are able to, may I suggest taking a hike in the mountains, go to the beach or have a walk in a big green park. I don't know about you but I find that some quiet time near nature always helps.

Hey man, how's things going?

No problem Bro, I have some time available so I just stick around to chat a bit.

Always good to go out to have some fresh air. I sometimes don't like the cold fluorescence light inside offices. But hey, that's just my preference.

And yeah, always good to go out meet with friends. Maybe you'll feel a bit better after sharing with your church leader.

All the best Bro

Try to view this as a learning experience, an opportunity to grow. I feel that everyone need to experience lost or failure at least once to learn how to handle it in a healthy way and also it allow us to appreciate what we have and be humble. Hang in there, you'll be alright.

As for me, it will be a busy few weeks for me as need to organise a family event. Luckily work isn't too busy so I still can cope, just annoyed that I don't have time to properly wash my car.

Yeah it sucks that you did something bad and harmed her, but don't condemn yourself forever. Learn to forgive yourself, then slowly communicate with her, steadily rebuild trust again and strengthen the relationship.

That is good to hear. Talking about it helps, slowly get it out of your system, accept it as it is and overcome it. Hang in there Bro.

I would suggest to use drugs only as a last resort. Just hang in there and you will get thru your anxiety attack. I myself had previously experience anxiety attacks that disrupt sleep (due to work stress) and my friend as well. Both of us managed to overcome it without medication and the anxiety attack at nights went away.

You can so it. Just hang in there.

This post has been edited by V429: Nov 9 2019, 10:48 AM

I wouldn't say you are suffering to be anxious for nothing. I would say what you are experiencing now is your mind and body trying to process and coming to terms with guilt and loss.

Yeah.. This part is a bit harder. Maybe like a guy previously suggested you can write her a letter or something. A gentle reminder that you are still here waiting and willing to make things right again.

Good to hear you had a fruitful day. Hope you get a well deserved rest Bro.

This post has been edited by V429: Nov 10 2019, 12:11 AM

Happy to hear you had an uninterrupted sleep yesterday. I know you yearn for things to go back as before with her.. But as I often tell myself when things are not so good : 'hey, things could have been much worse.' At least both of you are still on speaking terms. There is still hope.

A meal together sounds good. Haha. I recently however just moved back to Penang, but do visit KL from time to time. So we'll see how things goes.

I do agree to hope for the best & prepare for the worst. Just try your best.

Seems like you are on the right track. Very much agree with you that both of you need to talk about it, let it out and don't bottle it up. She may sound toxic but maybe that is just jealously perhaps?

Not sure whether u done this already or not, and not sure whether it will ultimately help or hinder things.. but I would suggest you to really really be frank and share with her how you ended up making your mistake and what caused it. I hope that this would at least let her understand your side of the situation and the underlying conditions that may have nudge you to do what you did.

The above might also help prevent her from generating wild theories inside her head as to why you did what u did, because she would know why u did it instead of imagining you did it because you find others more attractive than her for example.

And yes.. Some mistakes you cant really correct and make right again. We all learn this the hard way, but we do our best to overcome it and be a better person at the end of the ordeal. Stay strong my friend. You can do it.

This post has been edited by V429: Nov 11 2019, 09:57 AM