Yes. I'm a very lonely person. I feel very empty at night when I go home and there's no one at home. I'm not a social person so I dont have a lot of friends to hang out with. I mean I have friends but I just dont find them to hang out. I wanna be alone at times but I hate being lonely. If you get what I mean.

I cant let go of the mistake I did you know. I cant live normally putting this mistake behind me. I feel like this mistake has cost me my entire future and I can only blame myself for this. I hate myself and I hate my life. I might have slight depression I dont know but for now its hard to feel happy.

Find hobbies? I cant seem to be interested in anything. All I do is force myself to play a bit of games to take my mind off the whole issue. But after that? I return to the same point beating myself over and over again for what I have done. I cant tell my family or any friends I have. I really hope someone can just be my side and give me a big hug and tell me I'm not a failure.

What it mean of failure?

Thanks for your good intention. But for now really very difficult for me to make new friends or think of any adventure. Heck I cant even reconnect with old friends. I mean I could have open up to a lot of ppl but I choose not to. I hardly can open up to guys and I know she wont like it if I open to my girl friends. But I know my girl friends are the one who would be there to comfort me if I choose to. That's why I find my comfort here.

Dont be alone but really most of the time I'm alone. Dinner alone. Lunch alone. Tonight I'm going to Starbucks alone so I get surrounded by people.

It feels like you know she is suffering because of me and I cant just be taking new adventures and recover by my own. Somehow later feel like I'm not even guilty or remorse for whatever I have done.

You get the deep dark hole I'm stuck at?

I wanna be out of it but I dont want while I'm out she is still inside it when I am at fault. Does it make sense to you?

How did you overcome yours?

1 year plus....did you go through similarly what I went through?

Thanks.

You have been through a lot and yet here you are, giving me advice. One year later, I will be better than where I am now.
Hard for me to find my friends now for comfort. I cant open up yet.

So for now, you guys here gonna be my comfort.