Hello Lowyat forumers,

Am new here but been following several discussions on this sub folder. Finally got my guts to register and post here.

Here's my dilemma and hope I can get some serious advises or opinions.

Am married for about 10 years with 2 beautiful children. My wife is a housewife and I'm the only breadwinner in the family. Not saying I earn like Lim Goh Tong's family but we make do with what we have.

Now, the problem is this. She had never been very into sexual relation. Somewhat can say that you can classify her as a 'nun'? I think the only time she wants it is when she knows my previous gfs are all on the 'wild' side. Now after many years of marriage, she kinda toned down by a lot! Maybe once in a month or 2 months!? Now, before anyone says that she's tired, blah blah blah... Hey, so am I! Every time it's me who needs to do more 'work' and foreplay whereas she's 

As for me, I'm still very active in this area whereas my other half is NOT!

Ok ok, life is not about body pleasures and more on love etc etc, but c'mon, I love her and that's why I want to do it with her. If I don't, might as well I do it with others!

Arghhhh, am suffering and angry now. Dunno what to do? Everytime, I need to remind myself that it's MY PROBLEM and not HERS!!!! BUT C'MON, why everytime I need to be the PROBLEM!!!!

I don't know if many husbands feel the same here. But it's to share what I'm facing now. 

Get a full-sized sex doll (the high quality and realistic ones) and get her to agree to it. After all, it's a masturbation tool that helps to release your sexual stress.

That, or divorce or eat out.

Welcome to the Real life of many married man especially Asian (Chinese) when sex becomes available on ABC

Anniversaries
Birthdays
Christmas

Such is reality and many women wonder why their husband cheat

But TS you just need to try to spice things up

Its challenging as your wife spend the day slaving at home

Perhaps some routine holidays or you take off and take her shopping or just out of the house.

Good luck and welcome to the club of ABC

I'll give you some unorthodox ways I would do:

1. encourage her to join a swing-ing session with other couples.
2. check your mouth/teeth for smell or body odour.
3. tell her directly her refusal for sex is affecting marriage.
4. cheong outside.

It's normal for someone who are sick of eating the same kind of dish over and over again. Time to change the dish without her knowledge. U know what I mean. (massat parlour)

Hello Lowyat forumers,

Am new here but been following several discussions on this sub folder. Finally got my guts to register and post here.

Here's my dilemma and hope I can get some serious advises or opinions.

Am married for about 10 years with 2 beautiful children. My wife is a housewife and I'm the only breadwinner in the family. Not saying I earn like Lim Goh Tong's family but we make do with what we have.

Now, the problem is this. She had never been very into sexual relation. Somewhat can say that you can classify her as a 'nun'? I think the only time she wants it is when she knows my previous gfs are all on the 'wild' side. Now after many years of marriage, she kinda toned down by a lot! Maybe once in a month or 2 months!? Now, before anyone says that she's tired, blah blah blah... Hey, so am I! Every time it's me who needs to do more 'work' and foreplay whereas she's 

As for me, I'm still very active in this area whereas my other half is NOT!

Ok ok, life is not about body pleasures and more on love etc etc, but c'mon, I love her and that's why I want to do it with her. If I don't, might as well I do it with others!

Arghhhh, am suffering and angry now. Dunno what to do? Everytime, I need to remind myself that it's MY PROBLEM and not HERS!!!! BUT C'MON, why everytime I need to be the PROBLEM!!!!

I don't know if many husbands feel the same here. But it's to share what I'm facing now. 

both of you should engage therapist in this field.
there is no shame if one of you are having issue regarding sexual obligation towards one another.
but kudos to TS that doesn't resort to eating out as a problem solver. 

It's normal for someone who are sick of eating the same kind of dish over and over again. Time to change the dish without her knowledge. U know what I mean. (massat parlour)

i feel you bro, you're not alone.
70% of time i watch jav and settle.
sometime got extra budget then go massage + bj.. starting feel guilty but as long as i know i still love her..

how did you try to request though?

The word is "TRYING" bro... trying very very hard not to get tempted.      Thanks for the advise but I actually asked her whether she wants to go for therapist but she is in denial. No point if that person is always in denial.
My friends like to use this phase. The problem is I don't mind eating "nasi lemak" every day but if I only eat once in 1 or 2 month then 
How la bro? Watch jav, tfk etc, might as well don't get married and commitment etc. Can live freely!

It seems like this is a common problem among married men. Why is it like this after marriage!?? WOMEN OF LOWYAT. pls explain!!!
You don't go asking for it la bro. Just do the foul play effort which I do 9.99/10. TIRED!!!

The word is "TRYING" bro... trying very very hard not to get tempted.      Thanks for the advise but I actually asked her whether she wants to go for therapist but she is in denial. No point if that person is always in denial.
My friends like to use this phase. The problem is I don't mind eating "nasi lemak" every day but if I only eat once in 1 or 2 month then 
How la bro? Watch jav, tfk etc, might as well don't get married and commitment etc. Can live freely!

It seems like this is a common problem among married men. Why is it like this after marriage!?? WOMEN OF LOWYAT. pls explain!!!
You don't go asking for it la bro. Just do the foul play effort which I do 9.99/10. TIRED!!!

Communication is very important. Try to get her to open up.

Going to therapy is definitely one way.

if this issue really matters you then perhaps you need to bring it up and talk to her.. like seriously matter.. if not then breakup is the way.
might be hilarious for some people to breakup due to no sex life, but sex do help 80% of the relationship according to a study.
or you might need to look for someone who can match your sex drive..

i talked with gf before on this. from once in two weeks now change to twice per week or so, talked nicely..
give a step back to each other..

you can dont get married and live freely, but you will reach a phase where you need someone to talk to, discuss and go through together.

Welcome to the Real life of many married man especially Asian (Chinese) when sex becomes available on ABC

Anniversaries
Birthdays
Christmas

Such is reality and many women wonder why their husband cheat

But TS you just need to try to spice things up

Its challenging as your wife spend the day slaving at home

Perhaps some routine holidays or you take off and take her shopping or just out of the house.

Good luck and welcome to the club of ABC

Don't think that I would go to the extreme to divorce her la but also, eat out has crossed my mind but still... 

Me too same like you but the good thing is I'm not hyper.. My sexual drive is just normal.. Sometimes if wifu not in the mood I just settle with my right hand..

Have u asked ur wife abt eating outside? Some women don't mind as long as no emotional connection.. As long It's just purely sex,some ladies have no issues..

Yeah, it's so baffling as to why women don't like sex. I'm a woman and I find it so uncomfortable if I abstain for a week.

My own theory is:

Reason 1: When women don't feel confident and beautiful about themselves (and their own body), they don't enjoy sex. Their (self-)love hormones and pheromones are on the low side; hence, the low sex drive.

In other words, women need to feel confident and beautiful about themselves first (and their men should help them feel this way, too!). Sexual prowess is a way to express high feminine energy in bedroom.

Reason 2: When women are religious, they don't enjoy sex, because it's seen as indulging in lust.

Well, IMO having sex with spouse is wonderful and not sinful at all. God created sex for couples, beginning with Adam and Eve.

Reason 3: When women are moody, troubled or unhappy, they don't enjoy sex. They just want to cuddle up and be hugged quietly, and not get into fast action mode.

In other words, if a woman is always in good mood and stay happy, she will enjoy sex more, coz it will make her feel better and happier.

Reason 4: Emotionally, men have sex to release tension and express love, while women need to feel loved and be happy to have sex. Biologically, women's sex drive is also lower than men's, due to lower testosterone level. Women also age faster than men because they hit puberty earlier. Hence, women are not as physically fit, energetic and active as men.

... which is why women should exercise and take part in sports/ activities, to boost their energy level and keep themselves youthful in good shape and size. Ugly women are often the lazy ones.  世上没有丑女人，只有懒女人。

Personal sharing:
My man is more active than me. Sometimes I don't feel like having sex, but I let him have fun on top while I lie down and enjoy. There are various positions to try out, so, we take turn to play the "top" role.

I don't reject him coz I want to make him happy, and I like sex too. I know it's his way of expressing his love to me, and the more sex I have, the more beautiful I am... cherished and nourished by him.  

After having sex, I always feel relaxed, sleep deeply and wake up looking radiant... although I was tired and didn't feel like doing, before that.



So yeah, don't make rejecting sex a habit. The more you reject, the more you don't feel like doing it. & if you don't feel like doing it, see reason 1 2 3 4 above and fix accordingly. 

you gotta seduce her .... bring her out for a date or smtg ... get a nanny to take care of your children ~

go for a trip 2 person without children ... remembering those old days ~~~~

So, you’re not interested in sex doll? Just a few thousand ringgit can settle. I tried Fleshlight before, your didi will feel very shiok. The feel is better than even the real thing.
What more a full sized doll with curves for you to grab just like the real thing.

Just missing the voice and a little warmth (which can be solved by warming it up with body heat), and maybe the autonomy for the lazy man. But if you’re aggressive should have no problem being the dominant.

You can also try to be kinky and do the doll next to your wife. Let her hear you having pleasure, maybe your pheromones and voice will trigger her to be horny as well.

Many advantages also, not cheating, no dangerous STD, no need condom, one time investment, no complicated secret relationships, no pregnancy, doll cannot say no, no period, no all the troubles that come with a real human. Basically no excuse for your wife to disagree with you having a doll unless she rather be the one you do. Gatekeeping sex is a very serious issue.

You are lucky.
I'm doing all these since day 1 till 1st child. But seem for her, this is what suppose a husband do.
Communicate with her also useless. So at the end, I gave up.
So you are really lucky have a wife that understand your feeling.

Me too same like you but the good thing is I'm not hyper.. My sexual drive is just normal.. Sometimes if wifu not in the mood I just settle with my right hand..

Have u asked ur wife abt eating outside? Some women don't mind as long as no emotional connection.. As long It's just purely sex,some ladies have no issues..

Yeah, it's so baffling as to why women don't like sex. I'm a woman and I find it so uncomfortable if I abstain for a week.

Get a dog.

At least when season is dry, u can groom the dog...

Don’t think will ever think about sex doll as wife is not very open. Also, scared my kids might find it. 

Are you all married? With kids? We used to have hot sex when we were young. When I said hot sex I mean pretty naughty sex. In the car, basement, etc. it’s just that after marriage and kids, everything went down a lot. I helped out around the house whenever I can. Bring her out sometimes. We grew more religiously and I guess, that’s when reason 2 comes in.

Kecian TS. As a female, one should at least give it her best to make her man satisfied. That's why most men cheat!

Don't give up TS. Keep working on it.

So she is not interested in sex.
You don’t want to divorce.
Eating outside will bring a lot of troubles.
And she’s not open for you to have a sex doll? Storing sex doll is easy la you just need an underbed drawer or cupboard that can be locked (if no lock make one).

So how? You accept sexless for life lor.

Sex drive can be maintained or sparked. Some women naturally have higher sex drive, while some have lower. Some women stay high and active (no matter how long they are married), while some women become less active when they are older or after they have kids. Even if it's the latter, there are still ways to reignite that spark and mood.

Yes, time, children and other hassles in life can wear a marriage out... all the more reason for couples to establish relationship rituals. There are couples who have been married for 10, 20, 30, 40 years... and still have hot sex with their spouse, despite having children already, busy with work and handling family issues or financial issues. There is a time and place to focus on your kids, to do chores, to feel tired and wanna rest... and there's a time for your spouse, too. Time management 101.



I may not have been married for as long as you are (because you're definitely older than me), but people know me as a relationship and marriage counselor. My recent case was to help a woman improve her marriage with her husband of 18 years, because they are like cats and dogs together. Wife also rejected sex from husband, and wife was stagnant after marriage. I talked to her about all these, and she realised what went wrong, discussed with her husband and mended the marriage.

I write long replies here, because from your writing, you stay loyal to your marriage, treasure your wife and want the marriage to work out and last for a lifetime, otherwise you wouldn't have felt so frustrated and angry inside when there are other easy ways out. So, for you, you can choose if you want to take in my advice or not, among all the forum replies here. I leave it to you to decide.
Conclusion:

The surface issue is time, children and lack of (interest in) sex.

The deeper issue here may be:
- lack of emotional intimacy (When was your last heart-to-heart talk with her, and hers with you?)
- sexual boredom... if it's always the same positions in the same bed for the past 10 years.
- stagnant life... if there are no hobbies or interests together; wife is always at home, husband is always outside.
- unresolved anger from previous arguments... coz women have excellent memory and hold grudge

Only you know which applies to your marriage.

Perhaps it's time to identify destructive habits, and form new and healthy relationship rituals. Please discuss with your wife and find out more, and then renew the romance in your marriage. Leverage on the power of good habit (in this case, relationship ritual), and your marriage will even become stronger. 

LDR is VERY different to 365 days living together. Mood, chances, anticipation... How can you even compare yourself to ts wife??? Try being a full time housewife with no maid and 2 kids then come back and say the same.

What to do bro. This is not the first time it happened. Tried to talk a few times already in the past and it still ends the same. You know what they say, if you can't change people, you'll need to change yourself. 

I was in LDR, but even so, we met every 1-2 months (coz he's pursuing postgraduate studies) and stayed together (during weekends or long holidays). Singapore isn't that far from KL; same time zone too. Many husbands work in SG, while their wives work in KL/ other cities and take care of kids. Such household arrangements are getting more common due to weak ringgit.

Btw, if you've not been in LDR/ LDM, you are the last person to have a say on this, because you have no idea how tough it is compared to normal relationship or marriage. Most normal marriages will still work out in the end, but LDR/ LDM? Nah. Majority of couples in long distance relationship/ marriages are statistically doomed to fail and break up/ divorce. Yup, statistically doomed.

& don't assume being in LDR = problem-free and always lovey-dovey, because in my case during LDR, we went through:

1. Four major quarrels till we almost broke up
2. Two minor quarrels plus some arguments; cold wars for days or weeks
3. His unemployment, for almost a year
4. My traumatic experience
5. Emigrations (lots of arrangements and money involved, RM 5-digit gone)
6. Resignations (again, lots of work arrangements and transitions thereafter)
7. Financial issues
8. Health issues and sickness, including surgeries and follow-up appointments
9. Family issues
10. Postgraduate studies and exam stress, while still working

↑↑ Normal relationships/ marriages would have been so strained by all these, not to mention if these happened during LDR/ LDM.

***

If TS has long-distance marriage, I'm sure his marriage will be 5-10x tougher:

(1) He can't see the wife daily = even more deprived of sex
(2) His wife has to take care of kids all by herself without the husband around = feeling so alone, frustrated and exhausted
(3) They may only see each other 2-4 times a month, on weekends only
(4) The time and cost of travelling will be more
(5) The cost of living in both cities will be much higher too = more financial stress

Look at how many more challenges here? At least 5x more, and long-term ones. & if the family moves to SG, man, it's the most expensive city to raise kids in.

So yeah, think first before you comment, because you have not experienced the hardships of LDR/ LDM. Maintaining spark in your partner's absence is so much more difficult than maintaining the spark in your partner's presence, and solving problems over the phone and Internet is so much tougher when you are not physically together.

... which makes normal relationships and normal marriages look so easy to manage, including taking care of kids. Seriously. Ask any LDR couples who get married and have kids in the end, they'll tell you the same. 

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  as u said , it's all my work while she 

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding   ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever 

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control   

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want 

Yes. Either make a drastic change or accept your life as it is. Your wife will never change for you.

So far it's the best reply and solution.

It take 2 to tango, so TS share your responsible too. Remember wife is not your maid, deliver machine, sex slave. They are human too.

Yeah I too agree that manix5 gave the best reply

Ok la I read until kesian you so give 2 sen.

After 10 years of marriage with 2 kids (coincidentally where I am now), sex drive 100% will go lower. I don't know bout your wife but I'm in my mid 30s. Granted not all girls are the same, but this is my own thoughts:

1) On a regular weekday after coming home from work (or before when I was still unemployed and handling kids all day), I value my alone time A LOT, and sometimes get pissy when someone comes and demand things of me at this time when I've already used 80% of my waking hours for everyone else. This occasionally includes the husband (sorry lol). I understand also he feels like you la, but he knows to let me have my time once in a while too. Your approach here (despite it partially being to fulfill your needs) is not to appear to want to demand attention. e.g. if my husband walks into the room and then tries to hint that he wants some, I get slightly annoyed. But if instead we just do our usual thing like watching drama/gaming, talking about our day, then slowly progress to physical interaction I am more receptive.
Definitely I don’t do this. As in go and demand it straight    we talk, watch movie etc. then go to bed and fall asleep 

2) Hormones are a problem. Women have cycles, hopefully you've memorized your wife's. Certain times we are naturally more wanting (it's the first 2-7 days after period ends). It's very easy to trigger the mood if the time is right. 
Noted

3) Your wife's buttons. What works and what don't. Unfortunately for you, this can change over time. Does she prefer more physical touches? Or word play? What's her type? 
Touches, foreplay, etc the usual I guess..

4) The chores thing helps, but I'm not sure if you've seen The Mental Load.this:  sometimes guys say they do chores, but they don't do the whole thing. E.g. here; guy washes dishes, but didn't put them back. You may not see it, but homemakers get tired when expected to pick up on the small things (I know I do, like I would complain when hubs leave unwashed stuff in the sink to wash later and my thoughts were why not JUST WASH IT NOW?\".
Most of the time, I can’t stand to see dirty dishes in the sink and eventually I’ll wash and dry them. Pride myself on cleanliness

5) Health issues. I get UTI almost always if I don't take extra care, so it becomes a bit of an extra effort I need to maintain for the next day (drink a lot of water, eat preventive supplements) just for an hour of fun., so the cons outweigh the pros. I didn't have this problem when I was younger/pre-marriage. Must be due to age. So too bad lor, less sex.
Didn’t know about this. However, she never complains about having pains or so. But thanks for the heads up.

6) Some women, have no idea how much men need physical intimacy. Like you can keep on saying you need, but to women it will just come out as you're being horny too often. Women are biologically different and will not feel the same effects of sex. If you explain it will just come out as demanding, or \"why you only think about sex?!\" My advice is to mask your wants. Ask for it once in a while, but not once every 2 days. Be subtle. Flirt a little, tease a little. Not sure bout your wife but I enjoy sexual tension.
Yup, I guess most women are not as highly sexual drive as men. Do cuddle but still no luck  

Sekian 2 sen.

I have a simple gestures..

Surprise her with little flower/gift and a kiss. Eventho she might say you're wasting money. 

Make her feel you love her for herself. 

Somtimes, husband tend to concentrate in giving \"family love\" rather than her emotion love. You may have stop teasing/flirting or lovey dovey to her. Get her to a good mood.

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  as u said , it's all my work while she 

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding   ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever 

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control   

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want 

I do the same too, fetch her from work, hang the laundry, iron my own clothes etc. Also I make it a point to tell her early morning that tonight we will have ‘some’ and it works. We average do it 2-3 times per week and we’ve been married 11 years with 2 kids 😉

It’s all bout giving some and take some

You can be manja to your wife sometimes, like when during dating days. Especially when you treat her well, tease her or manja her: "How about me leh,  I also need some reward." trear her like how you treat her during dating.

Being bored and frustrated with daily life are what makes her have lack of interest to do sex. Few forummers had mentioned making her happy will result in you getting happy / want you want. Win win situation. But what makes her happy only you know best.  (gifts,  massage, vacation, sweet words...)

suddenly, i feel like everyone is having a sex problem during fasting...

TS should eat estrogen pills so that you timing will changed to the same as your wife. No need eat outside or buy expensive adult toys, no need force your wife.

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  as u said , it's all my work while she 

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding   ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever 

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control   

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want 

Wow... Kudos bro. Am doing it previously but perhaps lack of it recently. Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah... Happy wife, happy life.. Haha..
No la, just coincidentally only...
Not helping dude. This is not kopitiam!

Wow... thanks for the lengthy reply. Appreciate it. See my replies above.
I guess the attached picture concludes it?? 
<a href='https://pictr.com/images/2019/05/25/0sgr1V.md.jpg' target='_blank'>https://pictr.com/images/2019/05/25/0sgr1V.md.jpg </a>
Been there done that too. But honestly I haven’t do it lately. Most of the time, she’ll say waste money, etc etc. as a guy, I also quite fed up listening to it...
Sometimes (if not most of the time), it seems the guys have to do most of the work... just saying... guys also deserves some attention too lei 

I do the same too, fetch her from work, hang the laundry, iron my own clothes etc. Also I make it a point to tell her early morning that tonight we will have ‘some’ and it works. We average do it 2-3 times per week and we’ve been married 11 years with 2 kids 😉

It’s all bout giving some and take some

Bravo. Well done.

You are of the rare breed of gentlemen who succeeded in finding the KEY to a woman's heart and mind.

All a woman really needs is that her man show her love and appreciation in both word and deed.

Keep up the good work and you will be set for a spicy relationship for the rest of your life.

Hello Lowyat forumers,

Am new here but been following several discussions on this sub folder. Finally got my guts to register and post here.

Here's my dilemma and hope I can get some serious advises or opinions.

Am married for about 10 years with 2 beautiful children. My wife is a housewife and I'm the only breadwinner in the family. Not saying I earn like Lim Goh Tong's family but we make do with what we have.

Now, the problem is this. She had never been very into sexual relation. Somewhat can say that you can classify her as a 'nun'? I think the only time she wants it is when she knows my previous gfs are all on the 'wild' side. Now after many years of marriage, she kinda toned down by a lot! Maybe once in a month or 2 months!? Now, before anyone says that she's tired, blah blah blah... Hey, so am I! Every time it's me who needs to do more 'work' and foreplay whereas she's 

As for me, I'm still very active in this area whereas my other half is NOT!

Ok ok, life is not about body pleasures and more on love etc etc, but c'mon, I love her and that's why I want to do it with her. If I don't, might as well I do it with others!

Arghhhh, am suffering and angry now. Dunno what to do? Everytime, I need to remind myself that it's MY PROBLEM and not HERS!!!! BUT C'MON, why everytime I need to be the PROBLEM!!!!

I don't know if many husbands feel the same here. But it's to share what I'm facing now. 

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  as u said , it's all my work while she 

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding   ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever 

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control   

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want 

Maybe there is something she knows about you that it puts her off.
i remember when we had a deep talk once at hotel stay, we talk alot fun things and i start rapid questions game ( she got her chance after that ).
i learn so many things what she like or dislike from me , what things that i shouldn't do. i asked her why never mention this only normal day or when ever i do or said something, the simple answer was " i am also not sure " . sometime you need to get her in a mood to open up. some of the things i told she like when i do or said. ( non sexual )

on bold part , of course but sometime what our spouse do is more than what we know. your been that , done that might not the one could trigger her. find what she really need or missing for her. you're keen to win her back and refuse to makan luar , what makes you feel like that for her ?
true that. sometime our little time or attention makes a whole alot differences for the one really needs it.

i had 2 opportunity to advance in my career ( more to salary wise ). it will make me more busy , and my wife need to drive to lrt and take lrt to work.
we had this situation before this . she will be tired traveling too. 
ultimately i decide to choose what best for my marriage life. that 40 minute drive back to home and going to work helps alot. more time to talk.
oh boy , she appreciate that alot and told me that she was surprised that i thought of her effect when i make this decisions. this small things all add up to the changes . 
Thank you . my wife did her part too. i more to feel that i got a Gem.

I heard an interview and the person said, "If you are married of for 30-40 years; it's not a triumph of happiness.  It's triumph of character. It's triumph of negotiation. It's triumph of the will to do that."

Nobody said to love be loved isn't exhausting. Why complain? You can't have the baby without the labour.
I believe many people are in your shoes. It's just they worked out a deal. And his deal might not work for you.

If you ask me; it's pretty big turn off to be pressured into sex. I like those "things get out of control type". And recently, I heard my colleague's wife was pregnant again. Timing was abit off to be pregnant again. So I asked what happened. His answer of "Well, accidents happen". Happily married. 

U get it once a month? Fark me dead.

I’m lucky if I get it this millennium, bruh.

sure bo...
OK.. Latest update, I've been getting it 4 days consistently... Why you ask??? Go to bed early so that you can have enough energy to arouse her. That's my mistake I guess. I go to bed when I'm tired but I want it. So now, try different approach. Go bed early so that you have enough energy to really 'work' for it... Perhaps a nice sensual massage? Passionate hugging... Give some strong hint?

Anyway, am ok for the moment..

Welcome to the Real life of many married man especially Asian (Chinese) when sex becomes available on ABC

Anniversaries
Birthdays
Christmas

Such is reality and many women wonder why their husband cheat

But TS you just need to try to spice things up

Its challenging as your wife spend the day slaving at home

Perhaps some routine holidays or you take off and take her shopping or just out of the house.

Good luck and welcome to the club of ABC

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  as u said , it's all my work while she 

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding   ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever 

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control    

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want 

U get it once a month? Fark me dead.

I’m lucky if I get it this millennium, bruh.

Don't mind me,just here learning(seriously) from you old farts before the eventual war with my future wife,whoever she is. LOL

Don't mind me,just here learning(seriously) from you old farts before the eventual war with my future wife,whoever she is. LOL

Don't mind me,just here learning(seriously) from you old farts before the eventual war with my future wife,whoever she is. LOL

Make sure she has some sex drive. If she behaves like a deadfish in bed now ,very high chance you'll be complaining in this thread 10 years from now. LOL

Make sure both of you is also matched, in terms of appetite for sexual action.

Love > Sex which is truth but Sex < Love is also not right, there is a need for 50-50 distribution.

Well you have to wonder why women keep complaining men cheat eat outside, just need to read the sad story of old unker here.

Choose wisely my young padawan! 
Not necessary that she's a deadfish now means she'll be a dead fish in the future; and vice versa!  all depend on LUCK!
You may both have high sexual drive but when marriage comes in and the kids, then it's a whole different story. I'm somewhat lucky that I still get it once in 1-2 weeks. My friend told me that there's a Chinese herb which stimulates blood flow in woman and thus, they will be more 'eager' for night activities. He tried on his wife and he said there are times his wife wanted but he's not in the mood for it! 

Choose wisely my young padawan! 
Not necessary that she's a deadfish now means she'll be a dead fish in the future; and vice versa!  all depend on LUCK!
You may both have high sexual drive but when marriage comes in and the kids, then it's a whole different story. I'm somewhat lucky that I still get it once in 1-2 weeks. My friend told me that there's a Chinese herb which stimulates blood flow in woman and thus, they will be more 'eager' for night activities. He tried on his wife and he said there are times his wife wanted but he's not in the mood for it! 

What is the name of the Chinese herb. Asking on behalf of my friend. 😂

what the magic herb? LOL

All the best TS! It's admirable that you're staying faithful the best you can and hope this gets sorted out soon!

asking for friend eh? haha 
Are you asking for friend as well? 
Anyway, let me ask my friend again on the Chinese herbs. It's actually to stimulate blood flow but mana tau, it stimulate the sexual desires as well.   


Thanks bro... trying very very very hard to stay faithful        If not, Clark, Philippines here I come! 

Chinese herb got side effect?? i heard got