Yeah, it's so baffling as to why women don't like sex. I'm a woman and I find it so uncomfortable if I abstain for a week.

My own theory is:

Reason 1: When women don't feel confident and beautiful about themselves (and their own body), they don't enjoy sex. Their (self-)love hormones and pheromones are on the low side; hence, the low sex drive.

In other words, women need to feel confident and beautiful about themselves first (and their men should help them feel this way, too!). Sexual prowess is a way to express high feminine energy in bedroom.

Reason 2: When women are religious, they don't enjoy sex, because it's seen as indulging in lust.

Well, IMO having sex with spouse is wonderful and not sinful at all. God created sex for couples, beginning with Adam and Eve.

Reason 3: When women are moody, troubled or unhappy, they don't enjoy sex. They just want to cuddle up and be hugged quietly, and not get into fast action mode.

In other words, if a woman is always in good mood and stay happy, she will enjoy sex more, coz it will make her feel better and happier.

Reason 4: Emotionally, men have sex to release tension and express love, while women need to feel loved and be happy to have sex. Biologically, women's sex drive is also lower than men's, due to lower testosterone level. Women also age faster than men because they hit puberty earlier. Hence, women are not as physically fit, energetic and active as men.

... which is why women should exercise and take part in sports/ activities, to boost their energy level and keep themselves youthful in good shape and size. Ugly women are often the lazy ones. 世上没有丑女人，只有懒女人。

Personal sharing:
My man is more active than me. Sometimes I don't feel like having sex, but I let him have fun on top while I lie down and enjoy. There are various positions to try out, so, we take turn to play the "top" role.

I don't reject him coz I want to make him happy, and I like sex too. I know it's his way of expressing his love to me, and the more sex I have, the more beautiful I am... cherished and nourished by him.

After having sex, I always feel relaxed, sleep deeply and wake up looking radiant... although I was tired and didn't feel like doing, before that.



So yeah, don't make rejecting sex a habit. The more you reject, the more you don't feel like doing it. & if you don't feel like doing it, see reason 1 2 3 4 above and fix accordingly.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 23 2019, 04:34 PM

Sex drive can be maintained or sparked. Some women naturally have higher sex drive, while some have lower. Some women stay high and active (no matter how long they are married), while some women become less active when they are older or after they have kids. Even if it's the latter, there are still ways to reignite that spark and mood.

Yes, time, children and other hassles in life can wear a marriage out... all the more reason for couples to establish relationship rituals. There are couples who have been married for 10, 20, 30, 40 years... and still have hot sex with their spouse, despite having children already, busy with work and handling family issues or financial issues. There is a time and place to focus on your kids, to do chores, to feel tired and wanna rest... and there's a time for your spouse, too. Time management 101.



I may not have been married for as long as you are (because you're definitely older than me), but people know me as a relationship and marriage counselor. My recent case was to help a woman improve her marriage with her husband of 18 years, because they are like cats and dogs together. Wife also rejected sex from husband, and wife was stagnant after marriage. I talked to her about all these, and she realised what went wrong, discussed with her husband and mended the marriage.

I write long replies here, because from your writing, you stay loyal to your marriage, treasure your wife and want the marriage to work out and last for a lifetime, otherwise you wouldn't have felt so frustrated and angry inside when there are other easy ways out. So, for you, you can choose if you want to take in my advice or not, among all the forum replies here. I leave it to you to decide.


Conclusion:

The surface issue is time, children and lack of (interest in) sex.

The deeper issue here may be:
- lack of emotional intimacy (When was your last heart-to-heart talk with her, and hers with you?)
- sexual boredom... if it's always the same positions in the same bed for the past 10 years.
- stagnant life... if there are no hobbies or interests together; wife is always at home, husband is always outside.
- unresolved anger from previous arguments... coz women have excellent memory and hold grudge

Only you know which applies to your marriage.

Perhaps it's time to identify destructive habits, and form new and healthy relationship rituals. Please discuss with your wife and find out more, and then renew the romance in your marriage. Leverage on the power of good habit (in this case, relationship ritual), and your marriage will even become stronger.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 24 2019, 11:29 AM

I was in LDR, but even so, we met every 1-2 months (coz he's pursuing postgraduate studies) and stayed together (during weekends or long holidays). Singapore isn't that far from KL; same time zone too. Many husbands work in SG, while their wives work in KL/ other cities and take care of kids. Such household arrangements are getting more common due to weak ringgit.

Btw, if you've not been in LDR/ LDM, you are the last person to have a say on this, because you have no idea how tough it is compared to normal relationship or marriage. Most normal marriages will still work out in the end, but LDR/ LDM? Nah. Majority of couples in long distance relationship/ marriages are statistically doomed to fail and break up/ divorce. Yup, statistically doomed.

& don't assume being in LDR = problem-free and always lovey-dovey, because in my case during LDR, we went through:

1. Four major quarrels till we almost broke up
2. Two minor quarrels plus some arguments; cold wars for days or weeks
3. His unemployment, for almost a year
4. My traumatic experience
5. Emigrations (lots of arrangements and money involved, RM 5-digit gone)
6. Resignations (again, lots of work arrangements and transitions thereafter)
7. Financial issues
8. Health issues and sickness, including surgeries and follow-up appointments
9. Family issues
10. Postgraduate studies and exam stress, while still working

↑↑ Normal relationships/ marriages would have been so strained by all these, not to mention if these happened during LDR/ LDM.

***

If TS has long-distance marriage, I'm sure his marriage will be 5-10x tougher:

(1) He can't see the wife daily = even more deprived of sex
(2) His wife has to take care of kids all by herself without the husband around = feeling so alone, frustrated and exhausted
(3) They may only see each other 2-4 times a month, on weekends only
(4) The time and cost of travelling will be more
(5) The cost of living in both cities will be much higher too = more financial stress

Look at how many more challenges here? At least 5x more, and long-term ones. & if the family moves to SG, man, it's the most expensive city to raise kids in.

So yeah, think first before you comment, because you have not experienced the hardships of LDR/ LDM. Maintaining spark in your partner's absence is so much more difficult than maintaining the spark in your partner's presence, and solving problems over the phone and Internet is so much tougher when you are not physically together.

... which makes normal relationships and normal marriages look so easy to manage, including taking care of kids. Seriously. Ask any LDR couples who get married and have kids in the end, they'll tell you the same.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 24 2019, 12:44 PM