been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ... as u said , it's all my work while she

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home.

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT


it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want

while i agree with both of you but for some case talk won't help much.
one of my childhood friend ( female ) cracked some sense to me . Women mind is different. when u actively trying to have better sexual relationship with wife , talking and explaining your frustration might convey in negative way.
she might think all this because u want what u want rather than u understand why she not interested or not motivated.

the same talk will be different if her mind is free and she understand sex is not the only thing you want ( even u do , masked it ).

this 2 different mind state will bring different outcome for same topic.

Maybe there is something she knows about you that it puts her off.
i remember when we had a deep talk once at hotel stay, we talk alot fun things and i start rapid questions game ( she got her chance after that ).
i learn so many things what she like or dislike from me , what things that i shouldn't do. i asked her why never mention this only normal day or when ever i do or said something, the simple answer was " i am also not sure " . sometime you need to get her in a mood to open up. some of the things i told she like when i do or said. ( non sexual )

on bold part , of course but sometime what our spouse do is more than what we know. your been that , done that might not the one could trigger her. find what she really need or missing for her. you're keen to win her back and refuse to makan luar , what makes you feel like that for her ?


true that. sometime our little time or attention makes a whole alot differences for the one really needs it.

i had 2 opportunity to advance in my career ( more to salary wise ). it will make me more busy , and my wife need to drive to lrt and take lrt to work.
we had this situation before this . she will be tired traveling too.
ultimately i decide to choose what best for my marriage life. that 40 minute drive back to home and going to work helps alot. more time to talk.
oh boy , she appreciate that alot and told me that she was surprised that i thought of her effect when i make this decisions. this small things all add up to the changes .

Thank you . my wife did her part too. i more to feel that i got a Gem.