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> Relationship Joke v3

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TSaLittleMisfit
post May 22 2021, 08:56 PM

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You remind me a lot of your mother," I said to the wife.

Probably should've kept that thought to myself halfway through a blowjob.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 7 2021, 09:01 PM

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I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

"Loan, water and electricity."
uglyduckling422
post Jun 12 2021, 04:14 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 7 2021, 09:01 PM)
I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

"Loan, water and electricity."
*
rclxms.gif haha
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 14 2021, 03:00 PM

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Wayne Rooney has visited Cristian Eriksen in hospital.

“He’s doing really well, he even managed to string an entire sentence together.” said Eriksen
FLYING PANTIES
post Jun 23 2021, 02:32 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 12 2018, 04:07 PM)
Husband: Call ambulance, fast ! I am having heart attack...

Wife (Took his mobile): Quick! Tell me the password!

Husband: It's ok ! I am feeling better now.
*
topkek
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 23 2021, 10:33 AM

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They say that if you rest one of your testicles on the top of an empty beer bottle and heat the base of the bottle with a lighter, the testicle will eventually be sucked inside. If anyone has successfully reversed this process, can you please let me know. It's quite urgent.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 6 2021, 07:41 PM

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When I was a teenager, my father showed me a 30 minute Powerpoint presentation why one should always wear a condom.

All the slides were just pictures of me.
r2t2
post Jul 8 2021, 02:11 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 6 2021, 07:41 PM)
When I was a teenager, my father showed me a 30 minute Powerpoint presentation why one should always wear a condom.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
*
laugh.gif

The son must be very confused at first ... until finally he got the message.

Then the son swore never to watch any Fast & Furious movies anymore.

TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 9 2021, 11:45 AM

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After trying to add more vegetables in my kids' lunch, their favourite by far was the cucumber. But they only really stayed fresh for a few days.

This meant I have to buy them at least twice a week at a nearby supermarket. After a couple of months, it became obvious that I kept buying them from the casher. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smiles and sometimes a wink. All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking.

The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully, I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 16 2021, 03:39 PM

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When my wife came back from work, I blindfolded her, led her upstairs, and span her around a few times. We stopped and she opened her eyes.

That gave my girlfriend enough time to get dressed and sneak out through the back door.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 16 2021, 03:42 PM

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Next Fast and Furious film

“Fast10 your seatbelts”.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 18 2021, 02:41 PM

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"You're under arrest for sex with a minor. Do you have anything to say?"

"But, but, they all look 18 with that make-up on."

"He's 11."
babychai
post Jul 19 2021, 10:40 PM

I go to work because my name is not in Forbes list
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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 16 2021, 03:39 PM)
When my wife came back from work, I blindfolded her, led her upstairs, and span her around a few times. We stopped and she opened her eyes.

That gave my girlfriend enough time to get dressed and sneak out through the back door.
*
wow, this is brilliant idea
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 29 2021, 02:23 PM

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My wife could easily win the Olympic gold medal for rowing
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 5 2021, 08:23 PM

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Wouldn't it be better if the Olympics fielded one randomly-selected member of the public for comparison purposes.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 15 2021, 09:04 PM

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Our English teacher came into the classroom and put a snake on his desk.

As we all crowded around to see it, he said, "This snake will help you to understand that using correct English is very important."

"Is it poisonous?" asked Mary.

"No," he replied.

Mary reached out to stroke it and was immediately bitten. Within seconds she was spasming and foaming at the mouth.

"However, it is venomous," he said.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 1 2021, 10:58 PM

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Watching as the wife breastfed our child got me horny.

I said to her, "You mind if I have a go after, dear?"

She giggled and winked. "Of course you can. Come on, I'm finished already."

"Alright, hand him over," I said.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 5 2021, 12:36 PM

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 10 2021, 08:54 PM

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One day at school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Can you tell me a word starting with 'A'?"

"Arsehole," Little Johnny replied.

The teacher gaped for a moment, but continued: "How about a word starting with 'B'?"

"Bastard," said Little Johnny.

The teacher decided to skip "C", so she asked, "What about something starting with 'D'?"

Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, "Dwarf."

The teacher sighed with relief and asked, "And do you know what a dwarf is?"

Little Johnny said, "A little cunt about this big."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 10 2021, 08:58 PM

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My emo son sighed and asked, "Why am I even fucking here?"

"Because my credit card was declined at the abortion clinic," I replied.

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