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> Relationship Joke v3

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 21 2021, 01:51 PM

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Day one:

Biden puts thousands of bricklayers out of work.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 26 2021, 11:48 AM

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Being far too shy to see my GP about my erectile dysfunction.

I visited the local quack. He said " Take this powder and say 123 before you have sex. It only works once and you must say 1234 when you have finished and your erection will disappear "


It worked a treat and I was just about to give my wife the treat of a lifetime when she said " What did you say 123 for?"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 28 2021, 09:48 PM

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‘China is using anal swabs to test the public for Coronavirus’

I guess they took it literally when someone told them to shove their test up their ass!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 3 2021, 11:09 PM

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Today’s children are going to grow up thinking noses & mouths are private parts.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 14 2021, 10:30 PM

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Anyone know a cure for sex addiction?

I've tried fucking everything
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 17 2021, 10:18 PM

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I said to my hairdresser, "Make me look sexy."

So she started drinking.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 19 2021, 05:34 PM

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When the wife dances, I give her 9.7."

"Out of 10?"

"No, on the Richter Scale."
kennobi
post Mar 5 2021, 12:21 AM

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A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she dis-robed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "you are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "you're getting aids; which is why I came here in the first place."🤪🤓🤓🤓🤭🤭😂
kennobi
post Mar 9 2021, 09:42 AM

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Social Media Post;
"I am a 26-year-old guy who's in serious trouble. My girlfriend's mum and I had sex once after we got very drunk together. I still have feelings for the mum, even thogh her daughter is expecting my child. I am so confused. Should I keep dating my girlfriend or follow my heart"

Social Media replied;
The term "Mother Fucker" only made sense to me today after reading this
kennobi
post Mar 9 2021, 10:10 AM

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Keith walks up to his female co-worker.
"Your hair smells nice today!"

The woman gets furious and goes to HR.

"What happened?" the HR rep asks.

"I was sexually harassed! Someone told me that my hair smells nice!" she yells.

"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf".
kennobi
post Mar 9 2021, 11:08 AM

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Your Wife Is Your Wife

A married couple were walking through a garden, when suddenly a fierce dog ran towards them.

They both knew it will bite them..

The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.

The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.

The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.

But his wife shouted, “I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog

Moral : No one else can misunderstand a Husband better than a Wife
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 10 2021, 08:28 AM

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I think Harry should take up painting, (if Meghan will let him of course).

Then he can call himself, 'The Artist Formerly Known As Prince'.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 18 2021, 12:16 PM

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What's the most expensive video-streaming service at this moment in time?

University.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 1 2021, 05:03 PM

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The government, along with their pledge of betterment, announced economy and social revamp.

And the wife says will treat me better like before marriage.

And april fool.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 17 2021, 09:34 PM

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I successfully managed to get both my parents into the same Nursing home.

A bit of revenge for them divorcing when I was six.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 21 2021, 08:57 PM

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you ?

Run like fuck, she’s got a grenade in her mouth !!!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 23 2021, 08:55 PM

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If I ever win the jackpot I'm going to share it with everyone on /k

I'm not going to give you any money, just tell you about it.
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 8 2021, 10:00 PM

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I was having a drink with a few mates when I noticed a girl with a spectacular figure. I could hardly take my eyes off her until she turned around and I saw how ugly she was.
A bit later, after having a piss I saw that she'd gone but there was a note left by my phone that said, "Hi. I saw you looking at me earlier. Here's my number if you want to give me call."

Astonishingly she'd signed the note "Horseface".

I was struck by the way she'd obviously come to terms with the fact that she wasn't attractive and admired her humour in adopting this nickname. I messaged her on the number she'd given me saying, "Hi Horseface, I love to meet up just tell me the time and place."

I'd just hit the send button when my mate looked up and said, "Fucking hell Dave... You haven't replied to that have you? I even wrote Horseface on it so you'd know it was the ugly one!"
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 14 2021, 02:40 AM

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Iron Man is really Fe Male
kennobi
post May 21 2021, 03:33 PM

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An old lady goes to the dentist.
Sits down, drops panties, and lifts legs...

The dentist says, "I'm not a gynecologist!"

She says, "I know, I need my Husband's teeth back!"

This post has been edited by kennobi: May 29 2021, 03:20 PM

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