My wife told me I need to get in touch with my feminine side.
So I stopped talking to her for 3 days and whenever she asked me what was wrong I said "nothing it doesn't matter" and then I went out and crashed the car
Relationship Joke v3
Relationship Joke v3
|
Sep 10 2021, 08:59 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#281
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
My wife told me I need to get in touch with my feminine side.
So I stopped talking to her for 3 days and whenever she asked me what was wrong I said "nothing it doesn't matter" and then I went out and crashed the car |
|
|
|
Sep 15 2021, 05:58 PM
|
Junior Member
163 posts Joined: Nov 2005 |
Farmer Giles decided to write his will.
He called his three sons and gave each one a duck; with the instructions, whoever sold the duck the most would inherit the farm. The first son went to the market and sold his duck for ten dollars. The second sold his duck to the neighboring farmer for fifteen dollars. The third son, who was a bit of a dreamer, was carrying his duck to town when a village girl approached him and offered to make love with him if he gave her the duck. It turned out that they had such a good time together that she wanted to give him back the duck if he would make love with her again. Weak at the knees from his experience and wandering along the country lane with his duck, the young man was knocked over by a car and the duck was killed. The motorist jumped from his car and pushed a twenty dollar note into the young man's hand, apologizing all the while for his careless driving. The young man dusted himself off and arrived home, tired and tattered. Farmer Giles asked him how he had got on. "Well," said the boy, "I got fucked for a duck, I got a duck for a fuck, and twenty dollars for a fucked up duck." |
|
Oct 7 2021, 11:16 AM
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
I was on the toilet at a mall when I heard a Woman's voice coming through a hole in the wall...
She said "if you pop $50 through the hole I'll suck you off" I thought "yeh why not", and shoved the note through then my erect cock. ...Unfortunately the wall was 3 inches thick. |
|
Nov 1 2021, 02:43 PM
|
Senior Member
3,743 posts Joined: Jan 2003 |
longest running
|
|
Nov 1 2021, 03:15 PM
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone. |
|
Nov 5 2021, 07:14 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#286
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
I don't buy my wife sexy underwear anymore. As soon as she puts it on it becomes underwear. kei18kun liked this post
|
|
Nov 5 2021, 07:15 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#287
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
I was in the pub with my friend last night when he said to me, "Look, I've been having an affair and my wife's getting suspicious. If she asks, I was with you last night." I nodded. "No problem." A minute later, his wife came into the pub and said straight at me. "Dave wasn't home last night - I think he was shagging some slut!" "No, he wasn't," I replied immediately, winking at him. "He was shagging me." joe_star liked this post
|
|
Nov 21 2021, 01:37 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#288
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
Chinese state media have confirmed the safety of missing tennis player Peng Shuai, by releasing a video showing her happy and healthy. In the short clip, she also seen congratulating Andy Murray on his recent Wimbledon victory. r2t2 liked this post
|
|
|
|
Nov 22 2021, 10:07 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#289
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
All the other 19 clubs in the Premier League have put in a protest against Manchester United over the sacking of Ole Gunnar Solksjaer.
They wanted him to stay. |
|
Dec 14 2021, 01:58 PM
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
The face mask, they really save lives..
I was out shopping yesterday with my girlfriend and the wife didn't even recognize me. |
|
Jan 2 2022, 09:33 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#291
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
Just been watching my wife doing the PCR test.
I think she has been lying to me about her gag reflex. |
|
Jan 2 2022, 09:35 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#292
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
Some experts are claiming that watching porn is bad for your sex life. Those experts are called women... kei18kun liked this post
|
|
Jan 8 2022, 08:56 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#293
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
A recent survey out shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condoms.
These people are called Dads... |
|
Jan 8 2022, 08:57 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#294
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
My body's just ran out of magnesium.
0mg! |
|
|
|
Jan 29 2022, 09:22 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#295
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
Just got back from my pedicure and I must say it was amazing. I don't fancy kids at all anymore.
|
|
Feb 5 2022, 06:20 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#296
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
I remember reading an article a few years back saying Mason greenwood was the next Ryan giggs, how right they were…
|
|
Feb 6 2022, 07:46 PM
|
Senior Member
1,393 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: /k |
|
|
Feb 14 2022, 11:32 AM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#298
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
I ordered the Mrs a table for tonight seeing as it's Valentine's day.
In hindsight maybe I should have asked her first if she even likes to play Pool |
|
Feb 20 2022, 12:29 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#299
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
'...If I was a plastic surgeon...
I would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant And a whoopee cushion in every buttock implant.' |
|
Mar 5 2022, 10:20 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#300
|
Senior Member
879 posts Joined: Jun 2006 From: MSG Land |
During Girlfriend: "Hold me tight, wrap your arms around me and never let me go." During Wife: "Your knee is on my side of the bed again!" kennobi liked this post
|
Change to: | 0.0241sec
0.19
5 queries
GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 29th March 2024 - 05:40 AM |