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 Relationship Joke v3

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 27 2020, 09:33 PM

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Barely married a fortnight, a young bride phones her mother and wastes 20 minutes with aimless chatter. Her mother suspects there must be ‘marital’ difficulties and does her best to discern the problem.
Eventually the young bride blurts out...
Bride ”Mum......he’s got.......he’s got..”
Mum “He’s got what....some strange peccadillos ?”
Bride “No mum, it’s nothing like that”
Mum “Has he got another woman ?”
Bride “No mum.....he’s got......he’s got terrible dandruff”
Mum breathes a sigh of relief “Give him Head and Shoulders love”
Bride sobs for a couples minutes.
“Mum.....I don’t know how to give shoulder!”
Ewww!
post Aug 29 2020, 01:49 AM

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Ewww!
post Aug 29 2020, 02:10 AM

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 29 2020, 08:57 AM

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I recently lost my sex drive.

Or to put it more accurately, those fucking idiots at PC World recently lost my sex drive.
Ewww!
post Aug 30 2020, 02:27 AM

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This post has been edited by Ewww!: Aug 30 2020, 06:40 AM
Ewww!
post Aug 30 2020, 06:47 AM

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Ewww!
post Aug 30 2020, 11:44 PM

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Ewww!
post Sep 3 2020, 12:15 AM

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This was my first time
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This post has been edited by Ewww!: Sep 3 2020, 12:16 AM
hizperion
post Sep 3 2020, 01:14 AM

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QUOTE(Ewww! @ Sep 3 2020, 12:15 AM)
This was my first time
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TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 15 2020, 10:53 PM

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The other day my friend said to me, “What would you do if your internet history became public knowledge?”

“I’d probably have to leave home,” I replied.

“And where would you go?” he asked.

“Prison,” I said.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 16 2020, 09:38 PM

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Ex-Spurs forward, Darren Bent, announced on BBC Sport that he owns 1000 pairs of shoes.

I always wondered why they called him bent.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Sep 22 2020, 02:54 PM

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I walked into my local bookstore wearing a clown’s outfit and said to the girl behind the counter “ Do you have the ‘Best of Relationship Joke’ in stock?”

“ A pathetic attempt at humour “ she said.

“Yes that’s the one “ I said.
Ewww!
post Oct 14 2020, 12:37 AM

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Ewww!
post Oct 17 2020, 11:32 PM

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Ewww!
post Oct 17 2020, 11:33 PM

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 18 2020, 08:24 AM

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.
If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.
If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.
If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.
If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.
If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.
If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.
If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.
If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.

Have a good day.
Ewww!
post Oct 19 2020, 11:36 PM

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 21 2020, 08:59 PM

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"I would advise that you turn up to work wearing a mask," I said to my staff.

"Because of the coronavirus?" He asked.

I said, "No, because you're very ugly."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 25 2020, 12:19 PM

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Disgusted to see the government think feeding my kids is not their responsibility!

Sent from my iPhone 12.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 28 2020, 11:30 PM

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My next door neighbor knocked on my door wearing just a see through negligee, asked to borrow a cup of sugar and then winked at me and asked to come in for a cup of coffee.

I said . . . " Fuck off Dave".

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