0 to 200 in 6 Seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

---

Added on July 10, 2009, 5:15 pmHow to Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked with legs open.

This post has been edited by nelson_hew: Jul 10 2009, 05:15 PM

seems i read so much jokes on here.. i want to steal some space from littlemisfit.. provide some jokes too... ;P

1)What did the gangsters son tell his dad when he failed his examination?Son said:"Dad they questioned me for three hours but I never told them anything".

2)Whats the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?The ones in the casinos are serious.

3)When I was young I used to pray for a bike then I thought that God don't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

4)A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad where did all of my intelligence came from?His father replied:"Well son you must have got it from your mum because I still have mine".

- Benny's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying: "Benny seems to be a very bright boy but spends too much of his time thinking about girls".The mother wrote back the next day:"If you find a solution please advice.I have the same problem with his father".

this one just killed me hahahahahhahah

Aces!

Wahaha, these joke are funny. Keep it up on the good work.

now this if funny!!! lol

how can believe

If i wanna post jokes must it be a relationship jokes? cos i got tons of jokes that i think isn't really related to relationships

You can post them here:

http://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?act=ST&f=28&t=2968

where is aLittleMisfit? he been missing 2 weeks..

Expensive Date


I went out with my girlfriend and asked her,
"Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end upspending hundreds of dollars?"
"Because I'm a prostitute."

Nice

某天夜裡, 一名裸男叫了一輛計程車,
女司機目不轉睛盯著他看.
裸男大怒，罵：「你他媽的沒見過裸男呀 !」
女司機也大怒：「我看你他媽的從哪裡掏錢 !」

---

Added on July 29, 2009, 11:29 pm有個老頭去看醫生，告訴醫生他的腸胃
袉栴}。
醫生問他：「你的大便規律嗎？」
老頭說：「很規律，每天早上八點鐘準時大便。」
醫生說：「那麼，你還有什麼問題？」
老頭說：「問題是，我每天早上九點鐘才起床。」

---

Added on July 29, 2009, 11:29 pm一位救生員向一名泳客抗議：「我已經注意了你三天了，先生，你不能在游泳池小便。」
泳客：「每個人都在游
泳池小便。」
救生員：「沒錯！先生，但只有你站在跳板上。」

---

Added on July 29, 2009, 11:30 pm某大公司老闆巡視倉庫，發現一個工人，坐在地上看漫畫書。
老闆最痛恨工人在工作時間偷懶，便問：你一個月的月薪多少？
工人回答：三萬。老闆立刻叫秘書發給工人三萬塊，並且對著工人大叫：拿了錢給我滾！
事後老闆問其他職員：那工人是誰介紹來的？
職員說：他不是我們公司的人，他是其他公司派來送貨的

---

Added on July 29, 2009, 11:30 pm兩隻母雞在樹下聊天，對面走來一隻腳步不穩，無精打采，垂頭喪氣的公雞，一隻母雞問：「怎麼啦？病啦？累成這樣？」
公雞說： 「做點小買賣累成的。」
另一隻母雞跟著問：「做啥買賣勞累成這樣呢？」
公雞臉紅，低下頭說： .
「賣雞精。」


This post has been edited by Sito: Jul 29 2009, 11:30 PM

tak paham la bro

Thanks for sharing nice jokes

haha... welcome...

finally finish 102 pages (while at work oso)
damn i've 2 much time 2 waste
4get 2 add
nice jokes

This post has been edited by mi3ra: Jul 31 2009, 10:09 AM

been reading this thread from page 1 till here. time for me to post this to share with aLittleMisfit

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo....

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: ??! *** nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lan***..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lan***... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang...

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja.... Bukan potong zaka la..... Proton Saga........

lipost!!