Mickey and Minnie
Mickey mouse and Minnie mouse are in a heated courtroom lawsuit. The judge takes his seat and calls Mickey up and says, "From what I hear, people say your suing Minnie because she is silly????"

"No" replies Mickey, "I'm suing her because she is f***ing goofy"

Few Short Ones
Abra Lincorn Tweets:
The missus is asking me to the theater again... somebody, please shoot me!!
Daddy, why's Mummy no longer with us?"
"Hmm... How do I put this nicely? Well, Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get to the other side?"
"That's right! And like the chicken Mummy's gone to the other side aswell."
"Except Mummy only made it about half way across the road"
My friend just updated his status to
"I love my girlfriend <3".
I always knew he liked them young, but that is f*cking ridiculous.
I was waiting for my birthday gift when my girlfriend threw me a pile of hard papers.
"WTF is this?"
"eX-box", she replied!