One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the Middle
of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer
her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but
succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He Called his wife for assistance,
after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her
date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's' date said he
could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then
proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow
hard. When the father blew, The peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted
that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so
wonderful! Isn't he smart, What do you think he's going To be when he grows
older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son In-law.'

LOL hard! Old joke but super funny. Thks!

hahahha

Yeah this is real funny! thanks.

I like this old one too

How do you make Ah Beng laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

laughed till i cried!!!!

Aww..no more jokes?

gua pon tala paham..

Thanks for the laughter u brought to
me =D really thanks a lot . Im totally broke dwn after some relation n complicated problems . Thanks again folks . Appreciated a lot

Cheer up bro/sis. Whatever happens, just stay calm the first thing. Being happy is the best thing in the world. All the best on your complications.

THIS IS GOOOOOOODDDD!!! LOLED SO HARD

DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY


Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!

RESEARCH FINDING


Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

ARAB MAN

An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"

SERVICE

Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"

HAPPY MAN

What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and...
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

SWIMSUIT

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

DENTIST

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. "

VIRGIN

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "

OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.

After getting all of Pope luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me your Holiness," says the driver, "would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: " The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

The Chief is stumped, "You been drinking, John?"

Cop: "No Sir."

Chief : "Then what makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

---

Added on May 26, 2011, 6:16 pma duck goes into a bar
duck:got any bread
bartender:no
duck:got any bread
bartender:no and if you ask me if I've got any bread again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar
duck:got any nails
bartender:no
duck:got any bread

This post has been edited by Vickyle: May 26 2011, 06:16 PM

A girl was toweling her wet puzsy. She enjoyed it and started rubbing it vigorously until the puzsy cried meow and ran away.

Please be kind to animals and think clean, guys!

edit: word censored before, now no fun.

This post has been edited by xplodingplastix: Jun 8 2011, 02:29 PM

LOL... Good jokes there

I got that Pope's joke in email too but then doubting to post it as contained religious context. Haha..

Not to worry. Catholics aren't that sensitive about religious jokes. At least the Catholics that I know la. haha.

Haha... just on precaution side. Dont want to be flame for nothing. Religious stuff is already a sensitive thing haha..(not really to me)

dun worry, in malaysia only 1 religion is uptight and sensitive.
guess wat ? its neither christian nor catholic.

This post has been edited by sootienann: Jun 11 2011, 02:02 AM

(This is not really funny anyway i just share it)

Subject: Recruitment By a Singapore law firm .


There is this Law firm, LEE & LEE Associates, whose owner is very religious. His fengshui sifu told him that he can only hire lawyers with surname "LEE" to work under him, and strangely he managed to get all the LEE lawyers to work for him!

One day my friend TunaSingh, who had graduated from a law school, asked for an interview in LEE's Law firm. Strangely this LEE asked him to come for the interview without asking whether his name is closely associated with "LEE" or not.

During the interview everything went smoothly till the end where LEE told TunaSingh :

LEE : I'm actually very impressed with your resume, but there is one problem.

Tuna : What is the problem sir?

LEE : Well you see . . . I only hire lawyers whose names are closely related to "LEE" and your name is TunaSingh. I don't see it has any relation to "LEE" so . . .

Tuna : Are you a racist?
LEE : Sorry, but this is what my fengshui sifu told me . . . I dare not defy him..!

Tuna : Ok, I understand . . . not to worry.

LEE : Thank you for your time and effort.

That night TunaSingh came to tell us his problem and asked us if we could help him to come up with a name that is closely related to "LEE" and also a name that will not change his status as a Sikh. After hours of yamseng, we finally found a name that is 100% suitable for him!

Next day, TunaSingh went back to find LEE . . .

LEE : Eh . . . TunaSingh, I thought I told you we only hire lawyers with name closely related to "LEE."

Tuna : Yes you did! That's why I come back here for my job..!

LEE : But your name does not have any relation with "LEE..!"

Tuna : O, don't worry about that! I consulted my Chinese friends and they gave me a new name.
I just went to the registration department to have my name changed.

LEE : Change name..?? So... what's your new n! ame now..?

Tuna : Now my name is "Bangga-LEE" sir!

hahahahahahaha