Damn nice ur jokes.Really make my day.I really thank u for sharing with us =)

Glad to hear that. I will continue to share if i have more jokes then since there is someone out there appreciate it.

I really appreciates it.I check back this thread quite frequent to see whether there's a new good joke to make my day

I enable notification thru email if theres any new post.

We all do But I prefer your old avatar "I has a sad"... so cute lol

Oh haha, just changed it.Cats are cute <3 Mail accumulated 50 now. Will check when free

Voted Best Joke in Ireland

John Murphy hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."


She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

This post has been edited by ~Mew~: Nov 11 2010, 01:59 PM

LOL... The hubby got pwned by the wife accidentally haha

Tickets"

I went to the store the other day, I was only
in there for about 5 minutes and when I
came out there was a damn motorcycle
cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up
to him and said, "Come on buddy, how
about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket. So I called him a pencil necked
storm trooper. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse sh*t. He finished
the second ticket and put it on the car with
the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the
more I abused him, the more tickets he
wrote.....

To be honest I really didn't care.... My car
was parked around the corner......

---

Added on November 11, 2010, 2:23 pmNew Weight Loss Program - think you want to sell it?


A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 35 kg as soon as possible
due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he
would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED
WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself.
But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day / 5 kg
weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there
stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady
dressed in nothing but Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"'
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles
later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with
her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I
like the way this company does business!"
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing
happens.
On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he
has lost 5 kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day / 10 kg program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life,
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or
after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch
her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.
For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his
delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost
another 10 kg, as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/25 kg program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the
phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely!", he replies. "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he
finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're
mine."

This post has been edited by ~Mew~: Nov 11 2010, 02:23 PM

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
>sex nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
>want."
> >
> So he tied her up and went golfing.
> >
> > ***********************************************
> >
>A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
>the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
> >
>The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> >
>"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
> >
> > ***********************************************
> >
>Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the

>other is a husband.
> >
> > ***********************************************
> >
>A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> >
>First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> >
>The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C

>Z' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> >
>"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
> >
> > ************************************************
> >
>Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
>tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> >
>"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
> >
> > ************************************************
> >
>A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
>her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put
>in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO
>MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
>WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
>Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you

>LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget
>to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >
>The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> >
>The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
> >
> > **************************************************
> >
>Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
>drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army
>issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his
>hair.
> >
>On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon

>the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> >
>On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been
>looking for Herman for 51 years.

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.

x

This post has been edited by sya_dc: Apr 2 2013, 09:54 PM

^I don't get it

This post has been edited by Watashiwa_Baka: Nov 16 2010, 07:39 PM

x

This post has been edited by sya_dc: Apr 2 2013, 09:55 PM

Don worry,not only u.I dont get it either

Me too. The funny part is on the xxx99@hotmail.com??

x

This post has been edited by sya_dc: Apr 2 2013, 09:55 PM

THis one i think its old joke le.. anyway i just share it

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex
life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card
said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to
the
kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
Mom
blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card
from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson &
Hedges".
The mom went straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly
embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for
her
honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week
went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally
arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways".
Mom
took out her weekly magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the
worst,
and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: Three times a
day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted.....

Nice jokes.

To be totally honest, with no intention whatsoever in offending anyone, I find some Darwinian worthy replies funnier than the jokes themselves.

love this one!