Lady Gaga taught me its ok to be different.

Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks

Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love.

Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through.

Taylor Swift taught me not every guy is going to treat me right.

Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me.

Music taught me how to live.

BUT:

most importantly, Rebecca Black taught me the days of the week

Black Eyed Peas also teach us the days of the week, and spelling some more.

This one is funny

sorry if repost:

She sent the following message while waiting for her train:

My love

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams

If you are smiling, send me your smile

If you are crying, send me your tears

I love you



He replied:

I'm in the toilet. What do I send?

Lol i was about to post this and i saw it now.

MOM: dad do you know transformer?
DAD : dont know
mom: transformer is a robot which, from car can change to become robat
mom : than i ask you, do you know wat is name of transformer sister
Dad: transformer sister call transistor lor
me: which mean transformer got transmother and transfather lor?
dad: no....it cal transparent
brother: if transformer late, than call translate lor
me: transformer = transfer
than transformer job is transmissions lor

Confusing Chinese Names

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?


Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.


Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!


Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.


Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?


Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.


Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?


Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).


Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
======================================================


Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

73 PAGES 1449 POSTS. FINALLY I'M DONE!

So hardcore.

real man do 40post per pages.. so its only 37 pages..

Got this in my email

LOL

EGG

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Dog walking

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'


Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.

'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'



The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No.
Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'



====================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in MedicalCollege.

Friend: Really, what is he studying.

Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.



==========================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.

DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.

Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.



===========================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?

Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?

Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.



=========================================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'

Wife: How do you know??

Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have
come again.



===========================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,

except the TV in my house.'

Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'

Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'



=========================================

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'. He
Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'



=============================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.



===============================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So
the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it
would be hot.



==================================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says
'Hello, how did you know I was here?'



===================================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?

Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?



===================================================

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense

Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'



=====================================================

Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'

Servant: 'It's already raining.'

Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

When I say I am broke...


Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a f*****g good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of 'broke' do you not understand?'

---

Added on August 18, 2011, 1:04 pm

Premature Ejaculation.



A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to go

to the doctor.



He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the

doctor said, 'When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try

startling yourself.'



That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter

pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.



At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two

began, they found themselves in the 69 position.



The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the

starter pistol.



The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, 'How did

it go?'



The man answered, 'Not that well ... when I fired the pistol, my wife peed

in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the

closet with his hands in the air!'

This post has been edited by ~Mew~: Aug 18 2011, 01:04 PM

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station
in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, knowing
nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely
unaware of who the golfing supremo is.


"Top of the mornin' to yer, sor" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick
"hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees
fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"

quite old joke...

ROFLMAO!!!

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.


THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,

"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."




THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."




THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,


"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"