Sex

Newlyweds are into their 2nd week of marriage when the wife says to the husband...

I want to set the rules down about sex....

When my hair is nice and perfect ...I definitely don't want to have sex

If my hair is a little messed up and not that perfect...maybe I do maybe I don't want to have sex....

but when my hair is messed up...I definitely want to have sex....

Husband says.....o.k. but I have my rules about sex also....

Every night when I come home from work I will have one can of beer.....

When I have one can of beer I definitely don't want to have sex....

When I have a couple of beers, maybe I do...maybe I don't want to have sex....

When I have a six pack or a case of beer......

I don't give a f*** about your hair......

Lame riddle:

Why people need to go to bed?

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BECAUSE THE BED WON'T COME TO PEOPLE

Are you insinuating I am callous and condescending? ARE YOU? Why you lil...

Oh hang on, I guess I am. No wait I am like that.

What was it again? Right. Keep the funnies flowing, will check back in a year if I am still among the living.

Lee Ka singh oso can. Hong kong billionair somemore.

old joke

One spring, a giant rainstorm was brewing and the town was sure to flood. The police started alerting people to move to higher ground, when they happened upon the house of a devout Christian. The police asked her to please evacuate, but she refused. "I trust in the lord. He will save me," was all she would say.

Sure enough, the rain started coming down, and the water quickly rose above the first story of the woman's home. Looking out the window of her second floor bedroom, she saw a neighbor's boat approach. The neighbor asked the lady to please evacuate, but again her reply was, "I trust in the lord. I know he will save me."

Finally, the flood waters rose past the second floor, and the woman was forced to climb up to the roof of her home. Sitting there, she was spotted by a search and rescue helicopter. The rescuers sent a man down an a winch to rescue the woman, but again she refused. "I have faith in the lord. Just you wait and see. He will save me," she stated plainly, and then she was silent.

Well, a short time later the flood waters rose above the roof. The woman started treading water, but eventually got tired and drown. So, the woman headed up to heaven (she was devout, after all) but as she entered she couldn't help but ask god what had happened. "Why didn't you save me, O lord?" she asked.

God replied: "I sent the police, a boat, and a helicopter for you. What more did you want?!?"

HaHa , nice one

No.1 A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. ?The next day, their driver died of poisoning.

No.2 A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? ?He answered so that after I am dead, no one will ever sleep with your mum.

No.3 A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid replied, "Sir you are my witness. You know I never wear panties!"Cheers!

lol

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again".

This post has been edited by moochan: Jan 22 2012, 01:11 AM

Man gets fed up of his life and decides to jack it all in and become a sailor. The captain is showing him around the ship when suddenly something dawns on him. 'Captain, we're going to be at sea for weeks and maybe months on end! Are there any women on this ship?'

The captain laughs and shows the man to a barrel with a few holes in it. 'Any time you feel you need anything, just stick your bits in there and you'll be taken care of. You can use the barrel any day but Tuesday. How does that sound?'

'Great! But why not on Tuesdays?'


This post has been edited by moochan: Jan 22 2012, 01:23 AM

A little boy is sitting in the living room playing with his toy train and his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes. The little boy runs the train round and round the track and stops it on the station and says ok, all you motherf***ers who want to get on the train get on and all you mother f***ers who waant to get off get off.

Well mom hears this and cant beleive it, Her son is a good boy and would never speak like that she must have misheard him. So she waits and the son runs the train round and round the track and stops at the station and says ok all you motherf***ers who want to get on the train get and and all you motherf***ers who want to get off get off.

Well mom goes ballistic and comes in the living room and starts spanking the boy and telling him to wait til his father gets home and sends him to his room. after awhile mom feels bad, the little boy has never used this type of language before.

So she goes and gets him and says you can play with your train but you have to do it nicely. He says OK and goes back to his train and she goes back to the kitchen but is listening in.

The little boy runs the train round and round then stops it at the station and say

AYAT AYAT KELAKAR SEPANJANG ZAMAN OLEH SAMY VELLU

Samy Vellu akhirnya dan rasminya meletakkan jawatan presiden MIC yang paling lama dipegang sepanjang hayatnya, iaitu hampir 31 tahun. Jom kt share kenyataan kenyataan terkenal yang hanya dibuat oleh hanya seorang, Samy Vellu.

1. Samy Velu menyebut berkenaan Pos Laju:
"Besoh kirim, hari ini juga sampai"

2. Dalam berita TV apabila beliau cuba untuk memberitahu dia berasa amat malu:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"

3. Samy berkata dalam salah satu ceramah:
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini." Kemudian seorang pakcik bertanya, "Datuk, sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan?" Dan kemudian Samy dengan megahnya menjawab, "Kalao takde sungai, kita bina sungai”

4. Kenyataan paling digemari oleh Samy dalam berita abad ini:
"Toll naik sikit, banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!”

5. Ketika krisis air:
"Semua worang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr!"

6. Berkenaan masalah sosial:
"Worang2 muda sekarang banyak suka hisap dade"

7. Ketika program derma darah di Sungai Siput:
"Marilah kita semua menderma dare"

8. Ucapan selamat datang dalam kebanyakan majlis beliau:
"Selamat datang saudara-mara semua" (Ia sepatutnya “saudara-saudari”)

9. Ketika isu Al Arqam hangat diperkatakan, beliau berkata dalam satu sidang akhbar:
"Saya gumbira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes Arqam"

10. Di satu majlis pembukaan sebuah bangunan baru:
"Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik dari pentas wuntuk membuka kain"

Dan tentunya yang paling kelakar di dunia sepanjang zaman ialah:

"Kita akan bina roket pigi matahari." Salah seorang wartawan berkata, "Tapi Datuk, matahari terlalu panas untuk didekati." Samy menjawab, "Itu tade masalah. Kita hantar waktu malam"
Anugerah insan paling kelakar di dunia dimenangi oleh Samy Vellu.

Dude, i wasn't even thinking!! Haha...

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Added on February 10, 2012, 5:37 pmDude, i wasn't even thinking!! Haha...

This post has been edited by winkiedilwy: Feb 10 2012, 05:37 PM

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following ceremony:
They stood naked in a large circle, facing inward. A naked girl stood behind each of the men. A beautiful, naked girl did a sexy dance in the center of the circle.
As soon as all the men became aroused and developed erections, the girls behind them reached through between their legs, pulled their erect penises downward as much as they could, and then released them.
The men's penises would then spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their bellies.
This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .

. . and that's why the current capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok.

I FUKKEN LAUGHED LOLOLOLOL

When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the
Thermometer section and purchase
A rectal thermometer made by

Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your
Doors, draw the curtains and
Disconnect the phone so
You will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable
Clothing and sit in your favorite
Chair. Open the package and
Remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table
Or a surface so that it will not
Become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from
The box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small
Print there is this statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer
Made by Johnson & Johnson
Is personally tested And then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat
Out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
Quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!


If you haven't got a smile on your face
And laughter in your heart...

Maybe you should go and work
For Johnson and Johnson!

Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!

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Added on March 7, 2012, 11:05 pmRearrange the letters below to spell out


an important part of the human body;
which is even more useful when erect.

P N E S I >
























































The Two People who wrote SPINE

became doctors...........

The Rest are all my friends.........

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Added on March 9, 2012, 10:23 pmWhy Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk.
"Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"


No need to thank me, try to learn something new every day.

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Added on March 10, 2012, 9:58 amYou know you're going to forward this to someone...


"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
If morning sex takes a long time, the eggs will be over boiled. lol.

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Added on March 11, 2012, 1:42 pmSubject: Legal but not Logical JUST A LAWYER'S JOKE.


Legal but not Logical?
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to
answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
immediately raise their hands.
"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

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Added on April 3, 2012, 2:43 pmDID YOU KNOW........ WHY ???


Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if
their entry is restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same
position with different women.

Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed
to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and
shapeless later

Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why?

Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!.

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Added on April 9, 2012, 10:44 amUS Navy At Its Best!!

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, near the coast off England . The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

British: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.

US Navy: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid collision.

British: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

US Navy: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

British: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

US Navy: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States ' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. That's 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

British: Sorry we cannot divert. We are a lighthouse.




Tiger Woods And Stevie Wonder

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."





God Is A Genius!

While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.

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Added on April 9, 2012, 10:53 amFor old farts like you....



Probably a matter of time now .....

The older I get, the better I was.

Several days ago as I left the club, I desperately gave myself a
personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my car keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the club revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for
leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the
best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be
stolen. As I burst through the doors of the club, I came to a
terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was
empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered.
I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in
the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped,
but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you
off!"



Yep, it's getting like that. The golden years...

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Added on April 14, 2012, 2:13 pmThe Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10million,
he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, " Ask him where the money is..! "

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido , " Where's the money..? "

Guido signs back, " I don't know what you are talking about. "

The lawyer tells the Godfather, " He says he doesn't know what you are talking about. "

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,
" Ask him again or I'll kill him..! "

The lawyer signs to Guido, " He'll kill you if you don't tell him. "

Guido trembles and signs back, " OK.! You win..!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, " What did he say..? "

The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger. "



Don't you just love lawyers..?

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Added on April 16, 2012, 8:51 pmAn attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men...are men!

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Added on April 16, 2012, 8:51 pm[h=3]Angering The Irish...[/h]
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care.

"The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch."

So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your friends were trying to tell me."

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Added on April 19, 2012, 11:15 amRecently in Singapore there were some high profile under age girl prostitute case going on with the prominent figures in the society. Below is a good joke... lol

guy: $5 ?
lady: I am not that sort of person.

guy: $50
lady: You think I am what sort of person ?

guy: $500
lady: Tonight I am your woman.

guy: $5000
lady: Tonight you can don't even treat me like a woman.

guy: $50K
lady: I don't care you bring how many people.

guy: $500K
lady: I don't even care is it human.

(quoted hardwarezone)
A day after their clients were charged, several of the lawyers representing them on Tuesday said they are planning to band together to approach the Attorney-General's Chambers to have the prostitute's details in court papers.

The girl's name has so far been left out of charge sheets, with only the alleged pimp Tang Boon Thiew cited.

Mr Subhas Anandan, who is representing 10 of the 44 men, said the plea will be for a gag order to be imposed, so that the girl will still be protected and not have her identity publicised.

Otherwise, he argued on Monday, the charges were 'flawed'.

Lawyer Amolat Singh said: 'The charge sheets should set out her date of birth so we know she was below 18 at the time of the offence.'



NEXT STORY: Teenager's trysts with 44 alleged clients revealed


6 - 0

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Added on May 5, 2012, 11:15 amAn inspirational speaker said:
"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife."
Audience were in shock and silence. He added: "She was my mother" A big round of applause & laughter followed!

A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen" The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife" Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that speaker. By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water! Moral: Don't Copy, if u can't Paste.

This post has been edited by extremepower: May 5 2012, 11:15 AM

"they stood naked in a large circle, facing inward"

One does not develop erections that way. Unless....

The Blonde Pilot..





This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and
get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio....

"Repeat after me: Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . . ..."

here also you blogwhoring...HAHAHA....awesome!!

For the divers:-
An American asks the Irishman: 'Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?' To which the Irishman replies: 'If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat!'
Makes sense, no?

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Added on June 5, 2012, 11:44 pm A Beautiful Story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."


Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
heart-warming lawyer story...did you????

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Added on July 7, 2012, 10:10 pmThe Pilot And The Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?'

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the
pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms
out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets
a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.
How can this be?

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'


I knew you'd like it!

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Added on July 7, 2012, 10:47 pmWORK VIRUS WARNING! – This is very serious…..

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, take two good friends to the nearest pub or bottle shop.

*** Purchase the antidote known as:

*** Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or

Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter – (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected
and WORK is controlling your life.

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Added on July 7, 2012, 10:49 pmFemale version:

First Woman: Oh, you got a haircut! That's so cute!

Second Woman: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy-looking?

First Woman: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with it how it is, I think.

Second Woman: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts-that would really suit you. I was going to do that except that I was afraid it would accentuate my long neck.

First Woman: What's wrong with your neck? I would love to have a neck like yours: anything to take attention away from my awful shoulder line.

Second Woman: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything hangs so well on you. "You're like a walking fashion
catalogue.But look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Male version:

First Man: Haircut?

Second Man: Yeah.

---

Added on July 7, 2012, 10:51 pmAfter a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear. 'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear

'That's me before the surgery.'

This post has been edited by extremepower: Jul 7 2012, 10:51 PM