LOOOOL.. i just read from page 1 till 71 ..... WOW a lot of this stuff SO FUNNY

Wah! How long did you took to readh 71 pages @@

Just finish reading 71 pages!!!!!! Awesome jokes!!! Keeps me awake when i am about to fall sleep in the office...

how long u take for 71 pages?


This post has been edited by erry-: Dec 13 2010, 12:12 AM

Be nice. Just be happy that your brain is wired for witty jokes. Not everyone thinks the same way, and you can't label the authors Darwinian worthy. That would be callous n condescending

LMAO

erry- , Took me about 2 weeks of working days to finish...here is something that i got today (maybe a repeat but still good):


Wife and Girlfriend Comparisons

Wife is like TV
girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)

At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE

No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE

Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE

TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for MOBILE is high and often demanding

TV got remote
MOBILE don't have

Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)

but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)

Last but not least!

TV do not have virus,
but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!

This post has been edited by flamefireon: Dec 17 2010, 05:35 PM

Little boy and His Dad

A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, " Hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"

"Shh, quiet son, she'll hear you."

"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"

"Shhhhhhhh, dont say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!!" Suddenly, the fat lady's beeper goes off.

"Watch out Dad!!! SHE"S BACKING UP!!"

Summer Romance

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to
grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.
You came to me unexpectedly during the calm and balmy night, and what
happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations,
you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied
your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you
drove me near crazy while you drained me.
Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail,
only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making
it all the more difficult to forget you.



Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........



f**king mosquito.

Lurveeee the postings here! Make my day! Is it possible for u guys to email to me so that i can forward to my friends as well to share? Thanks!! My email is "doreentan@singapore-11.com"

I'll do it if i remember to add in your email

forum bot. any emails you send to "her" (ya rite) will be harvested and spammed.

Is that a forum bot?

I might be not so good at technical stuff but i understand that it is something bad which i shouldn't do anything with that mail. Am i right?

lol

FEMALE COMPASSION


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, one from England, one Welsh, and one Scottish, were walking passed and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f***ed?' The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘No, no never!'


She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

First Affair



'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying *******!
You've been playing golf!'





The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son...

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'




The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Bob,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Bob had the largest private part
he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.

'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Bob is dead!'



The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned!
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'




The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the =enu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'




The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess..'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison =ork.'

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped

some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them

up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her

dress !



Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on

the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get

some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything

that you liked under there?"



Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed

he did.



She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."



After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of

this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that

since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn't, he

should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.



When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m.

sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the

bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.



John then quickly dressed and left.



As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the

house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"



With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a

few minutes this afternoon."



Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And

did he give you $500?"



In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and

after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he

did give me $500".



Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,

"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and

borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this

afternoon on his way home and pay me back."



Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !

John is smart!

Hahaha...thnx 4 da jokes

Little Bruce

Mohammed entered his classroom.

"What is your name?" asked the teacher.

"Mohammed".... answered the kid.

"We are in Australia and, there is no Mohammed. From now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother.

"My name is not Mohammed, I am in Australia and now my name is Bruce."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you," and she beat him.

Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely.

The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher

saw him with all the bruises she asked:

"What happened to you little Bruce?"

"Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Australian I was attacked by two f***in’ Arabs!..."