WTF DIGI !!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!
nice one!
Some jokes I've got from forward email ..., Maybe you've read before
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 Apr 19 2007, 04:24 AM
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Senior Member
731 posts Joined: Jan 2007   
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Apr 19 2007, 09:36 PM
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Senior Member
2,614 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist?
Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens. Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year. There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation. |
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Apr 20 2007, 12:09 AM
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Senior Member
5,261 posts Joined: Oct 2004 From: J@Y B33 
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One of the earliest ever conversations between a woman and a man went like this:
Man: Why are you so beautiful, and so stupid? Woman: I was made beautiful so you would be attracted to me, and stupid so I would be attracted to you. |
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Apr 20 2007, 02:02 AM
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Senior Member
3,827 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: Here On The Chair Status : Eating Donut
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maybe a repost...
LESSON to be learned from typing the wrong e-mail address: A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the e-mail to the wrong address. Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston ... a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Date: Friday, October 13, 2005 Subject: I have Arrived! Dearest Love: I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! |
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Apr 25 2007, 01:27 PM
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All Stars
13,784 posts Joined: Jan 2006 From: stress & confuse world 
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Dua ekor hantu bertemu dan bercerita bagaimana mereka mati......
Hantu 1 : Bagaimana kau boleh mati? Hantu 2 : Aku mati akibat kesejukan... Hantu 1 : Macam mana rasanya mati dlm kesejukkan tu? Hantu 2 : Sebenarnya aku terkurung dalam peti ais...mula2 aku cuma menggigil,lepas tu anggota aku mula membeku, kemudian aku rasa dunia aku gelap dan akhirnya.....tapi aku rasa bersyukur kerana aku mati tanpa banyak kesakitan.... Hantu 1 : Ishhh...kesiannya kau Hantu 2 : Kau pulak, macam mana kau boleh mati....? Hantu 1 : Aku kena serangan sakitjantung... Hantu 2 : Oooo...cam mana kau boleh kena serangan sakit jantung? Hantu 1 : Sebenarnya aku dapat tahu isteri aku curang. Suatu hari, aku balik ke rumah secara mengejut. Aku nampak ada kasut lelaki kat depan pintu. Aku tahu mesti isteri aku sedang bermesra dengan jantan lain.. Aku berlari masuk bilik tidur, cuma ada isteri aku...aku tahu mesti jantan tu bersembunyi kat mana2..aku lari masuk bilik air, tak de jugak, kemudian aku lari ke tingkat bawah, tengok dalam setor, pun tak ade...aku lari naik tingkat atas semula, tengok dalam almari.....sebab terlalu penat aku berlari la aku kena sakit jantung...memang sakit dan akhirnya.... Hantu 2 : Apasal kau tak tengok dalam peti ais...kalau tak, kita berdua masih hidup lagi sekarang ni.... |
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May 14 2007, 05:21 PM
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Junior Member
31 posts Joined: Dec 2006
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QUOTE(beck_ken @ Apr 16 2007, 11:32 PM) ----- >> 1st thing..this is repost... >> >This is a story of a young college girl who >> passed away last month, at >> >Shah Alam. Her name is Priya; she was hit by a >> lorry. >> >I don't want to mention the name of the >> college. She had a boyfriend >> names Shankar. He lives in Johore. Both of them >> are true lovers. They are >> always on the phone with each other. You can >> never see her without her >> handphone. >> > >> >She spends ?of the day talking with Shankar. >> Priya's family knows >> about >> >their relationship. Shankar is very close with >> Priya's family (just >> imagine >> >their love). Before she passed away she always >> told her friends "If I >> pass >> >away please burn me with my handphone". She >> also said the same thing >> to her >> >parents. >> > >> > >> > >> >After her death, people couldn't carry her >> coffin. I was there ~~ a lot >> of >> >them tried to do so but still couldn't , >> everybody including me, had >> tried >> >to carry the coffin, the result was still the >> same. >> > >> > >> > >> >Eventually, they called their neighbour, a >> "bomoh" from Thailand (pak >> >Darin), who is a friend of her father's. He >> took a seat and started >> >speaking to himself slowly. After a few >> minutes, he said "this girl >> misses >> >something here". Then her friends told Darin >> bout her intentions to >> burn >> >her with her phone. He then opened the coffin >> and place her phone, >> together >> >with the SIM card inside the casket. After that >> they tried to carry >> the >> >coffin. It could now be moved and they carried >> it into the van easily. >> All >> >of us were shocked. (can you feel the fear? I'm >> shaking at this >> moment.) >> > >> > >> > >> >Priya's parents didn't inform Shankar that >> Priya had passed away (pity >> >Shankar). After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's >> mom. >> > >> > >> > >> >Shankar: "Atte, I'm coming home today. Please >> cook something nice for >> me. >> >Don't tell Priya that I'm coming home today; I >> want to surprise her." >> > >> > >> > >> >Her mother replied, "You come home first, I >> want to tell you something >> very important." >> > >> > >> > >> >After he arrived at Shah Alam, they told him >> the truth about Priya. >> > >> > >> > >> >Shankar thought that they were fooling around. >> He was laughing and >> said, >> >"Don't try to fool me ... tell Priya to come >> out ... I have a gift for >> her. >> >Please stop this nonsense." >> > >> > >> > >> >Then they show him the Priya's death >> certificate; they gave him proof >> to >> >make him believe. >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> >Shankar started to sweat profusely. He said, >> "It's not true. We spoke >> >yesterday. She still calls me." >> > >> > >> > >> >Shankar was shaking so badly when suddenly, his >> phone rang. >> > >> > >> > >> >"See this is from Priya. See this ...." he >> showed the phone to Priya's >> >family. All of them told him to answer. He used >> the loudspeaker mode. >> All >> >of them heard this conversation, loud and >> clear. No cross lines, no >> >humming. It was Priya's voice! And there was no >> way others could use >> her >> >SIM card as it was nailed inside the coffin! >> They were so shocked and >> asked >> >for pak Darin's help. >> > >> > >> > >> >Pak Darin brought his master (Tok Chen) to >> solve this matter. He and >> pak >> >Darin worked for 5 hours ... then they >> discovered one thing ..... >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> >DiGi. Best coverage ever, ONE LOW FLAT >> RATE~~!!!!!!! Anyone, any >> network, >> >anytime, ANYWHERE!!!* >> > >> > >> > >> >" I WILL FOLLOW YOU... FOLLOW YOU WHEREVER YOU >> MAY GO... " >> > >> > >> > >> >Ok, now back to work ..... >> >> >> >  2nd thing.. is this nice??? for me... it's terrible joke |
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May 18 2007, 09:25 AM
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Senior Member
913 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: The Dupes Heaven; Expire: Oct 2077
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This is Malaysia-and u should know
> > >NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS: > >Ajinomoto > > > >NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD : > >Maggi Mee. > > > >NATIONAL BREAKFAST : > >Nasi Lemak > > > >NATIONAL LUNCH : > >Nasi Ayam > > > >NATIONAL SUPPER : > >Roti Canai & Teh Tarik > > > >NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE: > >Traffic Jam. > > > >NATIONAL CONDOM: > >None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. > >So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack,any pack, > >pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye > > > >NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION: > >Pineapple. > > > >NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: > >Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints they > >start swearing at everything... > > > >NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN): > >Food Poisoning. > > > >NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN): > >Menstrual Pain > > > >NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: > >Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early > >appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond too > >cold, nail??polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach > >cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, > >going to watch "Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc... > > > >NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: > >None. Malaysian men never refuse sex. > > > >NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA : > >Cap Kaki Tiga. Down one bottle with warm water and you are all "dried >up". > > > >NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES: > >Panadol. The "cure for all". If it fails we have another secret weapon >Tiger > >Balm. > > > >NATIONAL CURE FOR NAUSEA : > >Moh Fah Kor. > > > >NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS: > >Minyak Angin Cap Kapak. > > > >NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): > >Happy Hours. > > > >NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): > >The sight of a police road block. > > > >NATIONAL RICE COOKER : > >NATIONAL Rice Cooker > > > >NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: > >Anywhere. As long as it is not your house. > > > >NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: > >Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! |
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May 21 2007, 10:13 AM
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Junior Member
229 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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WELCOME TO AIR INDIA!
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain MUTHU. Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air India. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." ENJOY AIR INDIA! |
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May 24 2007, 10:07 PM
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All Stars
10,340 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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Killing Osama Bin Ladeen will only create a martyr.
Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither. So, the best action to take is to let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban! Added on May 24, 2007, 10:09 pm Here's a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think you will find it beneficial to think through this exercise. The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed. You're a freelance photographer for a news service, you're traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes that you can shoot. You come across Osama Bin Ladeen who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You have to make a choice. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. So, here's the question ... and please think carefully before you answer it: Question : Which lens would you use? Added on May 24, 2007, 10:10 pm Q: How do you stop a Taliban tank? A: Shoot the guys pushing it from behind. Added on May 24, 2007, 10:11 pm Osama Bin Laden dies and goes to hell where he is greeted by the devil. the devil tells him, " since you are such an evil son of a b*tch, you get a choice of what you want to do down here but whomever you relieve gets a second chance at life". So he takes Osama to the first room where there is a man digging a hole. Osama thinks, "im not good at digging" so he asks," what else do you have"? T the devil takes him to another room where there is a man chopping a tree down with endless trees in sight. "I'm not good at this either,so what else do you have"? He is taken to the next room where bill clinton is tied down with monica giving him a blow job. "Hey, this looks like it might really be fun " he says. "This is what I want" "Are you sure?" asks the devil. "Yes! This is definitely what I want." says Osama. So the devil turns and says "ok Monica, you can go now" Added on May 24, 2007, 10:13 pmhttp://www.liveleak.com/view?i=0db0e1423f This post has been edited by WhitE LighteR: May 24 2007, 10:16 PM |
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May 25 2007, 08:18 PM
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Junior Member
112 posts Joined: May 2006 From: Albania
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TMBill
Dr. Liew : "I want to change password but I can't login to TMBill." TM Staff (Dianto) : "Hang on... You go to this ww.tmbill." Dr. Liew : "Isn't that supposed to be www?" TM Staff : "Yes, sir. ww sir." Dr. Liew : "Nevermind. Is that http or https?" TM Staff : "http sir. It will automatically bring us to the https." Dr. Liew : "Are you sure?" TM Staff : "Yes, sir." Dr. Liew : "Okay. http, triple w, tmbill... then?" TM Staff : *type type on his own terminal* "Dot net dot my sir." Dr. Liew : "Okay. Dot net dot my. Alright. We are at TMBill.net.my. I see E-commerce, Internet business, B2B, E-commerce hosting..." TM Staff : "Wait... I think we are at the wrong page." Dr. Liew : "Jeeezzz!" TM Staff : "Can I put you on hold for a few minutes?" Dr. Liew : *ROTFLOL* |
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May 30 2007, 11:43 AM
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Junior Member
421 posts Joined: May 2007
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hope this is not a repost..
 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The same kind of people that would name a pit bull, Jesus." |
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May 30 2007, 04:25 PM
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Senior Member
808 posts Joined: May 2007 From: o( *ﾟｰﾟ)┘ Ipoh
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QUOTE(Predator10 @ May 30 2007, 11:43 AM) hope this is not a repost.. A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The same kind of people that would name a pit bull, Jesus."  |
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May 31 2007, 09:27 AM
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Junior Member
421 posts Joined: May 2007
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It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... " The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theater.  |
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May 31 2007, 09:52 AM
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Senior Member
719 posts Joined: Nov 2006 From: :morF
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QUOTE(Predator10 @ May 31 2007, 09:27 AM) It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." wahahahahaha good 1 The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... " The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theater.  |
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May 31 2007, 12:10 PM
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Senior Member
913 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: The Dupes Heaven; Expire: Oct 2077
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omg lol. pwned
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May 31 2007, 12:25 PM
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Senior Member
2,538 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: Kota Bharu
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QUOTE(Predator10 @ May 31 2007, 09:27 AM) It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." lol niceThe excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... " The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theater. what happend if he said " cb "  |
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May 31 2007, 02:35 PM
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Junior Member
421 posts Joined: May 2007
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QUOTE(Shooterz @ May 31 2007, 12:25 PM) lol nice then he'll get alot of cb...what happend if he said " cb " |
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Jun 3 2007, 05:18 PM
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Junior Member
112 posts Joined: May 2006 From: Albania
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QUOTE(Predator10 @ May 31 2007, 09:27 AM) It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." Shit! i The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... " The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theater. hard on this |
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Jun 6 2007, 08:45 PM
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Junior Member
129 posts Joined: Jan 2005
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Drunk Guy
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered. The first guy said, ''Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!'' Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, ''YOU'RE ON!'' So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. ''WOW,'' screamed the 2nd guy, ''That was incredible. Do it again!'' So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. ''That is remarkable. Do it one more time!" ''Ok,'' said the first guy, ''But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it." The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. ''Your turn,'' he said. So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. ''This is easy. He did it, so can I!" The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer. The bartender remarked, ''You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman!''' |
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Jun 8 2007, 10:34 PM
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Junior Member
421 posts Joined: May 2007
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Working In The Zoo
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!" Added on June 14, 2007, 9:03 pmLast week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday. And I just sat there... On the couch... NAKED!! This post has been edited by Predator10: Jun 14 2007, 09:03 PM |
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