You're not the only one that thinks that way. His aunt/her sister also told us the same thing. The mother doesn't treat his younger brother that way since young. She only treats my bf that way. The aunt said very high possibility is because my bf resembles his father A LOT in terms of features. It's like a photocopy machine. His aunt told us she also notices how the mother pampers my bf since young until now but neglects the younger brother (he doesn't resemble the father's face). He has been putting his foot down whenever she acts up again. He treats her well mind you. She likes to go gambling in Genting, he would bring her up there almost everyday during working hours (he does sales so time is flexible) while night time he spends time with me. I really admire him for balancing his time with both of us so well. Yet his mother somehow never see that and continue to control him. Hence he has been putting his foot down firmly whenever this happens because he felt that she needs to learn that her son is already 32 and petty things such as missing phone calls during prayers are nothing but a simple issue and simple misunderstanding ... I just couldn't believe she took it extremely offensive that she pushed us to move out ...

His mom doesn't see him bring her to the casino during work hours because in her mind she thinks she deserves ALL the attention she demands of him. It's narcissistic. And by constantly fulfilling those demands (either via execution of her requests, or apologizing for not being able to fulfill them) means you are acknowledging that she deserves it.

Like you said. Chinese mentality thinks that a son should do everything the mother demands, no matter how ridiculously unreasonable, simply because she gave birth to him. So the 2 of you dare not speak up against her. The longer this continues, the worse it gets. And it has been happening since he was a child, so best cut that umbilical cord now.

Word of warning. Chances are, she's an intelligent woman, so you'll have to play the game on her level. You just simply CANNOT use normal methods with people with personality disorders.

Yea now that you mentioned it I did remember one time when we were on our way out for a weekend trip, she got so upset and shouted at him saying that we never inform her about it. Then the argument started as usual. But the argument just didn't sound right cause she just kept repeating the same thing .. I can hear it from the car with the windows down. Then later only she shouted the truth, "Bring me to Genting lah! Being me to Genting now!" My eyes just grew big ... bad to say it but I thought that was rather childish ... Maybe you're right .. she's being overly demanding and if he continues to allow that to happen then it won't be good. He can still pamper her as children should pamper the parents .. but parents should be appreciative and not get overboard with demanding 24/7 attention from the children. What more I stay with them and that she can see him everyday and chat with him .. and he brings her up to Genting often to gamble .. on top of that give her MONEY TO GAMBLE ... isn't that enough?? We even have family dinners together quite often since I moved in. Can't me and my bf have a peaceful weekend vacation our own every now and then?

OMG last time was to Pulau Ketam and she freaked out .. now was the Malacca trip and the same thing happened ... i think you're right...

This is why, I will never allow myself to stay with my parents after i got married.

Though my parents, especially my mother say we must stay together. I just say no way and find your own path.

I agree ... it's better to move out once married than to share the same roof with parents and in-laws .. it can be disastrous because they will take over the house and create house rules ... though my bf and I are not married but I've already moved in with them until we get married then move out ... already I got lectured by his mother on how I should wash his clothing when she saw me doing his laundry. I was thinking, "Hey shouldn't you be glad your future daughter in law is already willingly washing your son's clothing even before marriage ... now you're lecturing me how I should wash his clothes properly?"

This post has been edited by Neshimaru: Aug 27 2013, 04:52 PM

If you must live with your parents or in-laws after marriage, it must be in your own House which is bought with your own $$$. As long as u live under the parents roof, you will always be treated as a 'little boy / girl'.

I have been reading your tread since the start, thought someone else bumped your tread but apparently not. Your future MIL needs professional help actually but getting her to admit and acknowledge will be challenging.

That's why concern.. I earlier replied to another fellow LYN in this thread stating that it would be difficult for an 'outsider' to voice out that she needs professional help. Imagine out of nowhere a girlfriend moves in suddenly she says, "She needs professional psychological help" ... the mother would be the first to explode in anger .. I mean.. who would want to hear that from anybody that they need to seek professional help. It's like people telling you that, "You're a lunatic .. you need to go to asylum and see a psychiatric!" And I cannot imagine what would the relatives say .. I would leave a very bad reputation in the family.

Right now I'm depending on her sister/bf's aunt who is oh so down to earth and a very rational lady to speak LOGIC into the mother's heart and mind. That's why I called the aunt for help. She's the only one I can depend on for a very steady and calm talk. My bf also talks to the aunt and seek advice whenever his mother acts up. But I'm just not sure if that's enough. I will have to be patient and observe...

my opinion is for you not to directly confront your MIL.

http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2013...urting-her.aspx

the last thing is for something above to happen. Unstable people can do unspeakable things. Good luck and take care.

Unless you're a child, there's no reason not to be able to look at your tormentor in the eye in hate and anger.

Or unless you're a yellow lily livered coward.

Bipolar disorder mother-in-law detected. Learn how to handle it.

She didn't hurt me last night but still I was already fuming in anger over such an unreasonable excuse to get extremely angry and demanded us to move out of the house.



Need to google more about these stuff ...

I don't think she's a bipolar. Usually bipolars will have extreme mood swings, hypomania or severe splitting (i.e. if you're not with us, then you're against us), depending on what type she has. But you never know, she could be.

If you want to test her disorder, try doing exactly that, move out of the house. If she's borderline disordered she'll very quickly apologize and beg your bf not to move out. Or she will keep doing things that will give her a reason to be upset (so she can see that your bf will respond to her outbursts).

Don't bother bringing her to see a psychologist. It doesn't matter western or chinese culture, Cluster B's don't see anything wrong with themselves, so seeing a psychologist won't help, even if they do it willingly. The ONLY thing that you can control is how YOU behave, and that means understanding completely what your future mother-in-law is, whether she is an attention seeker, what she is capable of, what are her weaknesses, etc.

Meaning, you have to STOP thinking "she's so unreasonable, she's so volatile, she's crazy". START thinking "she wants something from me, and I don't want to give it to her. How do make her change that behavior?" Be cool, calm and collected. For example, whenever she bursts into one of her attention seeking episodes, you look at her straight in the eye and ask her calmly "Does making us unhappy make you happy?", and then see how she reacts. Run test after test after test to see what type of disorder she has, take notes if you have to. Pretty soon, you'll know how to handle her.

And oh... hide ALL your money and ATM cards and passwords and your homemade porn with your bf and whatever form of security you have from her.

This post has been edited by s2peMocls: Aug 27 2013, 05:58 PM

I'm not a doctor, but perhaps your bf's mom is suffering from Fear of Abandonment? The divorce she has gone through may have impacted her in some ways.

Noted! Thanks for being so helpful .. it'll take some time to study her since I'm no professional psychiatric

Is very possible ... Since my bf face resemble a lot like the father ...

as unreasonable it is, if she is your mother, there is nothing you can do. Either you can be filial or otherwise.
Some say its a burden but mostly would say, 'mother i have only one.. irreplaceable'..haiz.

It's always a debatable/arguable topic ...

that is why your thread is still HOT now..
I am not sure about psychotic parents who is those clingy type.. but if can, avoid confrontations. That alone reduce frictions and argument altogether.
But then again, you have to face peer pressure from the society.. haiz..do is wrong.. not do is also wrong..

yup, that's the attitude that we must have to help our mama to grow to the full potential of crazy obsessive overbearing mother we all love to have in our life.